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Open Poetry #19
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Lifelines and Hope
| Open Poetry #19 |
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Lifelines and Hope |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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1 It’s tangled, love: my life, and the hope that stretches, thin as the apple peelings I remember my mother discarding; I craved her apple crumble, and I haven’t had it for years. Yes, some things, we leave behind and others we carry, they’re unreleasable, unable to fall into the waste although they force a prodding - like sore teeth in an aching, wet mouth. This is my disease, this tangle of lines and affliction. Waitings, and unknown roads. If I could shake it all out I’d walk smoothly, knowing I could feast on my childhood safeties for the duration, for my seasons. 2 I remember playing elastics with the snooty girls who could always jump higher (but could they climb trees, catlike?) than I. Their breath flew out in great gasps with each triumph, and I saw myself in the tangles I made, their mockery rolling over me, and I thought of how I had deciphered my future from a cheap fortune telling book, how my dirty right palm told me I would be successful after struggle. Is success measured in the amount of burns I carry, and the strength they have supposedly infused? 3 Sometimes, I’d like the fantasy of weakness My lines are long now, they soar out past my palms and through the places I have been, the hearts I have caressed and burned. The hearth fire I knew is cold; I survive by an inner heat of memory and my electric heater, recalling days of thistle blossom breezing through my castles in the trees Aging, I’m surrounded by the blank looks of go-getters and vitamin poppers, all hoping for that extra year or two. I hope they live, in their ecstasy of body maintenance, I hope they feel the hurt that brings strength and a need to find utter weakness and relief. 4 Perhaps, time will bring you to me, and I will find one more tangle, and one more survival to scratch into the telling of my right palm. I am a refugee of logic...insisting |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I am beginning to suspect a conspiracy of poetry, here!  It's been a feast of photograph today, and I have done not a thing but indulge myself in a smorgasbord! Incredible...I'm saving yours as well as few others  ...because...I wanna write like a grown up too! lol...miss you K. Fantastic to see you here. And now I really should feed the rugrats something besides poetry...  |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
Absolutely stunning...this poem is a masterpiece of writing...I love it...**big hugs**  Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  BRAVO!!! Oh Kamla, I too hope that time will bring you to him and you will forever share timeless joy with him forever and share true happiness forever! (kiss on cheek) We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is fabulous writing! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kamla, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Oh sweet Kamla! This is a true joy!  diggin' deep, diggin deep. who knows though? *shrug* cliche as it may be - you never know what tomorrow will bring, you never know. it's not always scars. peace C |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
True reply saved for e-mail... Right now? I make the most amazing apple dumplings... I'll bake when I visit. ~quiet, private smile~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla You have looked far deeper then your dirty palm to find these words of regret, of hope, of struggle and survival. Super writing, my dear friend. Big hugs for this!! |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
!U#(&#()!&$)&!$)(&*$!_(!*&_!!!!!!!!!! THAT ANNOYING BRAT WITH THE DEVIL SIGNATURE GOT HERE AHEAD OF ME... yet, AGAIN!!!  *sigh* and it was AS I was posting... go figure.. hehe the joy bandit invaded my poetry as well ~rolling eyes~ we're just all pathetic... we need to do a collabroation and title it ménage à trois (C, don't plus me ... and minus two for the thought ). Heh.Sorry about these replies... I couldn't resist... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Kamla, a beautiful and incredible write! Thank you for this wonderful read tonight. ~Hugs, Nancy~ ~Love, like magic, depends on believing.~ |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
heh. (K - you know in no way does this negate the true value of this - it is an etching which takes a while to fumble blind fingers across... emotional braille takes a while for we demons) hugs C [This message has been edited by Christopher (02-18-2002 08:09 PM).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
a bump because we miss you... |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Amazingly told. I enjoyed this. And I too miss reading you.  |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I'll jump on to that wagon of people who miss reading you. . . the whole idea of this (to me), that life (and love) is a tangle. . . speaks on many levels. . . and does it with such feeling and emotion. . . that I can only nod my head in agreement to it. . . and wonder why my heart feels as such. . . be well my friend. . .  ------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
When you decide you won't be pulled or pushed in a direction not of your choosing--the going will be easier and less scarring. Satpsych hugs JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Thanks everyone... nice to write something again... hugs to all, K |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Severn, You made good use of the rest. Wonderful write. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
It's been too long, and I'm so very, very glad you're here again... |
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RMW Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424 |
Well done. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Thanks again... special hi to Sy...long time my friend.. K |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Dear Kamla, this is the sweetest peam and ... stuff... I’ve ever read. May darkness always follow you, even to NZ (or I’ll have it’s beautiful heart on a stake)... |
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Wanda Member
since 2001-10-23
Posts 461 |
Severn; This is absolutely incredible writing. I love it. You can sense the struggle all the way through. This is a keeper. Wanda |
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Fee Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 381Melbourne, Australia |
Wow, Memories etched into the palm of our hands, the lines left to tell the tails later..... I enjoyed this as I reflected back to my younger days. Thanks For sharing. Fee Expressions, |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ahh, darkness never follows anyone... it just exists... this still ahs me thinking. amazed. C |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Wonderful writing with fabulous images. Very much enjoyed! Take care......Sue Suetang |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Darkness never follows? Then why do I feel like I have a shadow in this thread? ...sigh... that line by line thing? Still want to do it...(THEN I'll tear this puppy to shreds heh heh heh)...  BC |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
this poem just GETS to me... i find i have to keep coming back to reply about how utterly amazing it is... |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
I agree, Christopher. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
WOULD YOU TWO JUST STOP??? I'M having the last word. And if you TRY to beat me, I will have my post locked, honeybees... ~K smiles sweetly~ K |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
why in the world would you want to do that? *smiles sweetly* |
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Apachecat906 Member
since 2001-09-04
Posts 217Michigan, USA |
This is awesome writing. The whole poem just flows. I wish I could do justice to the feelings it envokes, but I can't seem to find the words that work. I think solemn and strong fit. There's so much to think about here, I love the detail and the way you carry several differnt images throughout. Thanks for the read...Carrie |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Stop what? ~smiles sweeter~ [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (02-22-2002 02:19 PM).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
know what she's talking about meg?  |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Thank YOU Carrie...it means much that my writing can envoke emotion and thought - particularly the thought...appreciated. As to YOU TWO.. ~fume~ LJSGOUEJGLJGFOUtpaw968-jPguet!!!!!! GO AWAY! |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
No idea... |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
But you never know with those Aussies...  [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (02-22-2002 05:23 PM).] |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
interesting write, severn..... since your critique comment says "not only do i welcome critiques, I WANT them.", i thought i'd offer one here. Before I start, please know that i'm not in the practice of giving critiques and actually don't want them at all myself any more. But i see some lines I'd like to comment on. i'm not sure i follow the "aging" lines... is it you who you are describing as also aging while surrounded by aging people popping vitamins? or just those around you? for some reason, reading that stanza, i pictured you in a nursing home or something. Were you trying to write this as from the viewpoint of an elderly person? somehow that's what i think you were getting at... a person looking back through their entire life. If that's the case, it worked but i think maybe parts seem unbelievable to me because there is something missing in the middle. it goes from childhood to old age, with nothing in between. Was that what you intended? maybe i read it wrong. from that section : "I hope they feel the hurt that brings strength and a need to find utter weakness and relief." -- i found those lines very interesting.... yes, pain can bring strength ... "utter weakness and relief" is a very powerful phrase. i liked that a lot! i like how you broke it into 4 parts and the 4th part with its single stanza has a dramatic effect, bringing back the images again of the palm lines. what is the game "elastics", btw? i envisioned chinese jump rope for some reason. the repetition of "burn" works well and i particularly liked the image of hearts which have been "caressed and burned".... you have a lot of great images in here.... "tangled love" (did you mean the comma between those two words?), discarded apple peelings are sort of the losing of a childhood and i liked that a lot, "this is my disease" (very good), "recalling days of/ thistle blossom/ breezing through my castles/ in the trees" (great images!) as i was reading this, i wondered whether it would hold an entirely different sort of atmosphere for the reader if it were written instead in 3rd person, rather than 1st. It would be cool to compare the two. the only other comment i have is that sometimes I don't understand the purpose of indenting certain lines. I would think the purpose is to make them stand out... to strengthen them.... and also to help lend a visual directive if the work is to be read aloud and performed, so that the reader can emphasize those lines. Is that why the technique of indentation is used? I have used it myself in repetitive stanzas, like a chorus, or stanzas which are coming from a different voice, in order to set it apart and add more clarity. Anyway, just thought i'd ask how you think of this technique..... hey, i know this is Open poetry and not the critical analysis forum but since i read your critique comment, i figured it would be ok to get into this one a bit on here. Hope that's ok........ thanks much! all in all, it's a really cool write that takes the reader on a life journey... i liked it a lot! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
excellent critique doreen! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Aussies. Now surely you should know I'm not going to rise to the bait on that one...(and it's unfair to all the real Aussies around anyway - how could you raise their expectations like that??) Doreen... ~broad smile~ I LOVE being critiqued, really. Feedback is the most valuable thing you can give a writer...THANK YOU...instead of playing silly games in this thread you offer me something worthwhile. I LOVE YOU!!! Heh... Now, the aging thing...yes, I thought it might come across as me picturing myself as a 100 year old crone, but it wasn't meant to...it simply says what it does: I'm aging. Aging doesn't necessarily mean getting old. Everyone ages, every day...I just twisted our common perception of the word I guess...likewise, I weave the threads of today and yesterday...spanning what there is of my 'entire' life... It ends in today, right now, a couple of days from 27. I feel old, oh yes I do. Sigh. The numerical division happened by 'accident' like so much does in my poetry. I put them in after I'd written all but number 4...I reached that point and thought, how do I finish this. Number 4 is something separate to me, something in my life yet not, something that threads through, yet sometimes is unseen...it needed dividing from the rest of the poem - and then I saw the numbers emerge through the rest of it.. Elastics is just plain weird. When I was a girl, kids used to play it...well - girls. two girls get a HUGE piece of elastic...tie it up to make a HUGE circle...put their legs through each end..stand about 2 metres apart and another girl has to stand in the middle, and do leaps, jumps, twisty-movement things, without missing a move, falling out of the elastic, or tripping over. The elastic gets higher and higher up the legs...so you end up performing astronimcal moves of impossiblity... I found the game...er...challenging. I didn't like elastics very much. ~shaking head in remembered shame~ The love in 'tangled, love' is addressed to a person. Indented lines...hmmm..I could probably write a small novel on this subject. Indents can mean a range of things to me. Visuality...space on the page to create pauses for thought, or mental sound effect. People rarely read a poem how you have composed it to sound inside. Line indents can slow people down, shake them out of a monotonous inner tone... They can reflect the emotion of the piece...in here, this piece, all is a tangle, a mess...line indents demonstrate, visually, the idea of life in a state of dynamic progression..it never flows in one solid line... Thank you for your most valuable input, I really do appreciate it - feel free to critique me any time you please hugs K |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
ok , severn... i love you too... lol...but i have a few more questions and comments, now after reading your last comments... you feel old at 27? geesh, you already answered that... to that, i have a comment... shame on you!! rofl... you are just waking up elastics, btw, sounds very much like chinese jump rope... the game i envisioned my major question has to do with the image of the folks taking vitamins.... if this piece reflects you at your age, i'm not so sure that the images of popping pills "for that extra year or two" makes sense to me, as a reader. if you're speaking of contemporaries who are realizing that life indeed does not go on forever as they thought maybe 10 years ago, finally feeling their mortality at the ripe old age of 27... hehe.... and they are popping vitamins and herbs and enzymes to enhance their daily workout at the gym (or something) then maybe "that extra year or two" would read better as "that extra repetition or two" ... or "that vie de vie" or... hehe... "that r'aison d'etre" or something like that... that cosmo look? you get the idea... something that reflects their age. I'm saying this because I read it wrong because of the image of trying to gain an extra year... they sounded elderly....and even after your explanation, i had to go back and read it again. If i garner that impression from those lines, perhaps other readers will to, which takes away from your intended meaning ....and this is funny because that's really ok to have multiple different meanings come out of a piece (see philosophy forum "deconstructionism" lol) , not the author's original intent, BUT i think the reader misses a lot if the impression is that those people you are referring to are elderly. WOW!! I guess i'm writing in run -on sentences... geesh. My point is, from what you have said in your last comments, i have an entirely new insight on this. I see that you are hoping to convey your actual feelings about being your actual age and coming to a point of enlightenment about how fast time goes, about how short life is, and about your own mortality. Am I right? If so, then, i would suggest using images in that one stanza to reflect others your age. This clears up the "missing years" i mentioned earlier. Those missing years aren't missing at all because you haven't even lived them yet!!!! LOL!!! yes, i agree with you about how indentations can work and their purpose... I just wanted to hear your take on it... thanks much!! as far as "critique"... the trouble with the word "critique" is that sometimes people try to re-write each other completely. And I don't like that. What i DO like and LOVE is when people tell me what lines especially worked well for them and discuss the insights they got from the poem and how they read it. It never ceases to amaze me when people get something out of my work that i didn't originally intend but which brings me new insight to myself. I always wanted to find or start a forum where we would do just that... analyze the piece, not critique it, but discuss it... Discuss what the author intended, discuss what lines worked well, the format, the voice, and what the reader got from it. I think that would be very interesting and it is essentially what you and i are doing here. Now, finally... *whew*.... since you DID write that "extra year vitamin" stanza that way ... hehe... and since you did explain what you explained to me, now i will tell you what i got out of this that you didn't originally intend. (deconstructionism again... lol).... i got this out of it... YOU're YOUNG and you THINK YOU'RE OLD!!! so STOP IT!! *grin |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Wow. Thank you both for the insight! (seriously, no games, dern it)... any critique given with a Severn retort is worth losing any day... And, actually, I didn't hear an elderly voice at the end, but a present one in reflection... of course, i admit to sort-of-somewhat-knowing a little more of the basis behind this so maybe that gives me a different perspective versus a 'fresh' reader... hmmm .... Anyway... I do ACTUALLY come back seeking comments, insight, or to browse the poem a bit more every time I 'drop in'... so consider it a compliment, poetess K, and not an implement in competition. hehe Aussie expectations comment: -1 [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (02-22-2002 08:32 PM).] |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
Trully enjoyed. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hmmm, i am turning 22 this year and i am reflecting seriously on my mortality:if i die, will i be remembered? by what criteria do i justify my existence? are the tasks i undertake meaningful to the world? sometimes i feel i am taking myself too seriously.. i relate to your piece..you wrote life well |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
you can't have the thread locked by the way..i'm sure i will want to come back here and try to express how deeply i felt while reading this poem... articulation is a problem for me  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
faterider: just out of curiosity, why does you turning/being 22 cause you to start wondering about your mortality? not being a pain here in any way, sincerely curious - hell, i'm 28 and i've still got that whole feeling of invincibility going on... LOL C |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Christopher, because looking back upon my life so far, i haven't done much memorable things yet and i'm not sure that i would possess the strength of character to develop my interests and not just let life drag me along hence, the apprehension...that i might die a freak death before i summon courage to life courageously but i'm trying!! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Doreen...I'm tempted to start ranting right now lol, but alas...have no time (irony as per usual)...instead I'm busily thinking so I can form a comprehensive reply. The thing with most of my poems: I never intend to say only one thing. Also - seriously, if a reader wants to view this from an elderly person's perspective then that's cool by me... oh groan - I've started ranting...going out, will come back and finish...mind you - it's really late over there now so this is prolly a complete waste of time lol... Walker... Thank you Faterider...Hey you, how's it going these days? Twenty two huh? I had an age crisis when I was 16...seriously. I was stressed because I didn't 'know what to do with my life' ~rolling eyes~ Who does? Who says that the person earning 200,000 gs + a year knows what to do with their life...and it really does depend on what you think memorable is... Thanks for stopping in..good to hear from you..Psssst...don't tell those TWO diabolical fiends, but I wouldn't really lock my post..I just like to threaten to take away their toys sometimes...) K[This message has been edited by Severn (02-23-2002 01:20 AM).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
200,000 gs (two-hundred thousand thousand) is a LOT of money K!!!  i see faterider - i don't understand completely, but i see. i can follow the wondering where your life's going, but not the mortality part. Good luck trying to figure it out... as one comedian said "Most forty-year-olds i know still don't know what they want to be when they grow up."Peace, C ps - K - we KNOW you wouldn't lock it, so you saying it was just a way of amusing yourself. hahaha |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
uh oh!! i made you want to rant?? geesh. no more critiquing for me! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Er...um...YES! That's what I meant all along! That IS a lot of money and that's exactly what I meant. So there. Go away. Stop replying to my poem. Heh. So you think you've got me figured out then C? Sorry to disappoint... Doreen, here I am again for another year long ramble... I see your point about the extra year or two, however (fancy way of saying but isn't it...groan, can't stop it. ACK! GO AWAY 'HOWEVER'!!) BUT, to me, it's a true statement...not to be confused with being enacted in such a way. Often, I write statements that incorporate implications in a more direct way. This is one...the whole issue of the focus of longevity and youth in Western Society interests me. We are trained at an early age to push for as much life as we can squeeze out...and while there is nothing inherently wrong with this I guess, (and here I will focus my thoughts on one idea, rather than write about the 1000 or so I have lol), I often wonder if sometimes people forget to live. Some people seem so dead inside, can't you see it? Feel it even. I tried to catch it in my poem...so focused on THEN, on living for then, for surviving longer... do they forget to feel? Or is just contained somewhere that others can't see... It was kinda difficult putting that idea, and the plethora of tangents that go alongside it into two lines...heh... As to the different ideas a reader could garner...cool! Yes, I appreciate it if a person 'gets' what I myself intended (in my sometimes half-formed way. Actually here's a confession - I read over my poetry from a year or so ago and I think sometimes: What? What the hell am I talking about? rotf...) Anyway, if someone picks up something entirely different, then that's great. I think that words shouldn't be confined to one meaning...how...weak, shallow, non-explorative...etc... So - elderly people running around scared to die is just cool! 'My point is, from what you have said in your last comments, i have an entirely new insight on this. I see that you are hoping to convey your actual feelings about being your actual age and coming to a point of enlightenment about how fast time goes, about how short life is, and about your own mortality. Am I right?' In parts..not wholly. In fact, I wasn't even thinking of my own death in this at all. It was focused entirely on life. Nothing about death for me personally. Lol...though of course I can see how it might read that way. I hope the explanations about the pill poppers lol might clear that up...after all, I'm not one of them (Well, I might take vitamins from time to time heh). It's about time, but not just how fast it goes...about how time merges rather, how although it is linear, inside, where memory exists alongside anticipation, it isn't so linear. If we forget to live, to feel, to burn, time may as well be meaningless for us. Why live? Why gain those extra years at all? But you are right, there are no missing years lol... I like your ideas on critique, though what you say, does actually happen in CA quite a lot..well, I have seen it anyway. Thanks again hon... hugs K |
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pandora Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 184 |
your poem is meeewwwwsic... purrrrfectly wonderful... hehe... doreen's turn is next.... i was pretending i was her for a minute and had to come back and edit... i forgot my name!!!!! lol!!!!! [This message has been edited by pandora (02-24-2002 12:10 PM).] |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
oh pandora, how did you know i was about to reply to this one again!! you slick kitty you!! rofl!!!!! ok, it's me, just do re me ..... here goes quote: oh YES, my friend, you are so absolutely RIGHT!!! i not only see it, i breathe it, i feel it, i live it, i write it..... you are soooooo right.... this, THIS is the crux of my purpose in writing, myself, i'm hoping... to convey this very real Truth... quote: and yet again, i agree with you implicitely!! i am continually amazed and thankful to hear that someone got something from my work that i didn't originally intend. I believe that good writing ALWAYS offers those many levels and i'm hoping to achieve those levels when i write. You have done that here and that is to be praised.. Interestingly, when i pick up a piece of work i wrote some time back, i also see new things in it, just as you do. I may not remember the original intent, the original inspiration or muse for the piece, but when i read it, i read it on a different level. Again, this is the "deconstructionist" view of critique.... to "go beyond the author's original intent". Severn, you are a fine writer with many insights and a great deal of wisdom.... you have a gift, my friend. At your age, I was writing simplistic rhyme that sounded like Dr. Suess (hell, i still do sometimes... lol), or free verse that was nothing more than love letters broken into lines without metaphor and with little substance. Youi are lightyears ahead...... please keep writing ........ the literary world needs your voice...... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Good gosh. Just reading through all of this makes me feel like I've just doubled my age...or is that sage.... probably both... Now that we've dissected this one to death, I think it's time you gave us a new one to gnaw on.... sooner.... |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
This was good for so many reasons. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
aside to faterider-- I'm not quite as old as dirt, but I remember when it was young--- I'm still batman myself-- a pup like you should be superman for many more years to come-- K--- sorry for the intrusion into your poem--lol ( ok, not really--heh) cheers, JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
sometimes you just have to come back to something like this (if only to see if anyone else notices you snuck in to get the last word) heh |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
you didn't, Chris i did.  |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
this could go on for some time JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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