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Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554


0 posted 2002-02-25 11:27 PM






Reality Of Sky


With twilight comes the night ...
as all my dreams die slow.
Tonight even the stars tell me ...
the time has come to let you go.

The sunset's hue was of no comfort ...
it couldn't obstruct the view.
Now the moon confirms ...
what my heart already knew.

Searching the sky for a sign ...
in the darkness there was no denying.
The wind whispered the truth ...
only to be washed away by the tears I'm crying.

There'll be no solace found ...
in midnight's ebon' embrace.
emptiness echoes in silent resound ...
what used to be, now gone without a trace.

I'll hold out no hope ... for the coming day's dawn,
I wont wait for you there ...  you're already gone.


Janet Marie





© Copyright 2002 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved
Honeybee
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since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
1 posted 2002-02-25 11:32 PM



This is a touching and aching write...it's good to see you post again even if it's from a melancholy pen.  
Even your darker poetry is beautfiul to read~

Take care ms. butterfly

Melissa~

"Poetry is not an opinion expressed...
it is a song that rises from a bleeding
wound...or a smiling mouth"

~Kahlil Gibran~

Martie
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California
2 posted 2002-02-25 11:34 PM


oh Janet Marie

How I understand this feeling...

your heart knows the candles, dear one,
are the kind you can't blow out.

Hugs and much love!

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind
3 posted 2002-02-26 12:01 PM


Tonight even the stars tell me ...
the time has come to let you go.
Now the moon confirms ...
what my heart already knew.
Searching the sky for a sign ...
in the darkness there was no denying.
The wind whispered the truth ...
only to be washed away by the tears I'm crying.


Janet~Marie

Sweet butterfly, I felt this ache to my bones, and my heart in my throat...and the tears too many to count...its so hard letting go, I have fought for ten years....I know where you are how you feel....and I love you for this amazing write.....amazing you....somehow I know it gets better.....easier...love you butterfly sister....


Lauren~


Greeneyes~

Step through the
barrier of my mind,
enter my soul,
feel my desire,
let my eyes guide you
into the shadows
of my heart

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (02-26-2002 12:03 AM).]

JamesMichael
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Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
4 posted 2002-02-26 12:17 PM


Wonderful expression of your feelings Janet...James
Mysteria
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5 posted 2002-02-26 12:53 PM


May I send you a dream little butterfly?  

~* Imagination is more important than knowledge *~

Einstein


Duncan
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since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

6 posted 2002-02-26 01:34 AM


I read.  Can't respond just yet, maybe tomorrow.
Magicmystery
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since 2002-02-13
Posts 821
Windsor, Ontario, Canada
7 posted 2002-02-26 01:54 AM


Such sadness.... but it seems to me that the darkening of the night sky only confirmed what you already knew to be true.... You just needed to see it written in the stars.

Beautiful poem.

Love, Light and Peace,

Sherry   {Mystic Mystron's Wife}

Cherish the good memories past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow.
But above all... be kind to yourself today.

[This message has been edited by Magicmystery (02-26-2002 01:55 AM).]

CocoBaci
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since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

8 posted 2002-02-26 02:10 AM


DearSweetJanetMarie, what a precious poem you have shared with us here...
I liked it so much I read it three times over b4 coming in2 reply box and then ya know what that means sweetie I'm gonna treasure this one4many many more reads...
Hugs2uAlwaysDearPoetFriend
*~coco~*

Allan Riverwood
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9 posted 2002-02-26 02:22 AM


Yo, JM.  It's so late at night and I was trying to think of something to do between homework and more homework.     I happened to hit the wrong URL and wound up in Today's Topics.  Your name was on top.  

Isn't chance a funny thing sometimes?

I did read this poem over, and my... it's a very emotional piece.  You have some good constructive work happening here as well, I did enjoy the scheme you used.   Let me take it stanza-by-stanza...

The first stanza is ideal to this sort of poem.  You state the purpose, laying down the foundation upon which the expansion will be constructed.  There is also a hint of internal rhyme in the first line, which makes it flow nicely and sound good aloud.  Very good choice of first stanza, as well as a good setting to begin with.  Twilight... the beginning of night.  Where the stars agree with you.  What a fun image...

It is in the second stanza that you make more apparent your parallel between the time of day/night and the state of your love.  (I assume this poem is about romance, although it could very well be about a cat.  You left it abstract enough, which is admirable)  The imagery is good, and the glorifying reference to the moon as opposed to the sun in terms of credibility was enough to make me grin just a little bit.  I like the concept of confirmation within the darker side of things.  

I still have a few beefs with the third stanza though... "the wind whispered" is kind of typical, and the last line is a bit long for my tastes.  However, if you meant to leave the last line noticably longer than the preceding ones, don't touch it... I won't interfere with style. The first line did have a hint of alliteration... and alliteration always aids affirmatively.  

The next stanza is my favourite, for three reasons... first of all, it is predictive.  You shift from past and present observations to future aspects of your state.  And what's more, you do so with certainty.  "There'll be no solace found..."  what a strange confidence for someone who is seemingly despairing over a lost lover (or a lost something else).  Secondly, it (somewhat) contradicts an earlier stanza that glorified the darkness and the moon.  Within the poem, the character has been using night as a landmark for something bad happening, but not necessarily an unwelcome presence.  I even got the feeling it was a comfort of some sort.  Thirdly, "emptiness echoes in silent resound" is a very powerful and well-worded line.  It's another reference to the night, but this time in terms of the silent element about it.  Another thing I couldn't help but wonder is if this meant the character in the poem had stopped crying?  Earlier it said that the whispering of the wind was washed away by the tears that the character was crying.  And now it says that emptiness is echoing in a silent resound... correct me if I'm wrong, but I saw this as a step forward from the previous stage of distress.  Am I at all accurate here?

Your closing couplet is an excellent way to crown the piece off... the first line completing the parallel, and the second line completing the purpose of the poem.  Furthermore, "I won't wait for you here" shows another stage shift into a state of acceptance.  There's a lot I might be reading into here, I know... but give me a break, this is my between-homeworks project after all.  

Overall... a triumph of a poem, with great emotional value and constructive value alike.  Usually pictures take away from a poem because they don't let the reader view the poem themselves... however in this piece I found it necessary, due to the personal nature of the poem.  It was good to have an image of what we might picture, what the character in the poem is seeing.

What can I say, JM... you've humbled me once more.  Remind me to dust off my pen and try to weave emotional and constructive together sometime myself... lately I find it hard to connect the two.

Here's wishing you a happy immediate future.

~Allan

(edit in - by the way, I think I switch back-and-forth between referring to the main character as "you" and "the character."  Sorry about that, forgive me for not going back and correcting the whole thing.. hehe...)

All images begin in mirrors and end inside our subconsious.
~Genesis P-Orridge, "Thee Reversal of Fate"

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (02-26-2002 02:26 AM).]

amusemi
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since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262
A State of Disarray
10 posted 2002-02-26 02:46 AM


I love the graphics, but not nearly as much as the emotive beauty of a poem you have created.  This is so strong with resolve...I really like it!!!
vlraynes
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since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
11 posted 2002-02-26 04:20 AM



Janet Marie-
Oh my...this is such a beautiful and heart-wrenching piece.  It brought tears to my eyes.
I always feel your poetry very deeply, and
this is no exception, my friend.
Reached in and grabbed my heart, and just
wouldn't let go...wow...
It's so good to see you posting again.
I've really missed you and your moody muse.
Great big heart hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2002-02-26 05:04 AM


I'm late again. Or early. Note the time. But it took me that long to fix a snafu in the pc--got so many boots earlier I thought I was marching with the marines!


I don't know what you are doing, but your writing has grown by leaps and bounds, most appropriate, because I wish I could do cartwheels! This is fantastic, and you manage to maintain your voice throughout all of your writing, growing but still remaining uniquely and beautifully YOU. Yer precious to me, I hope you know.

And I know, I owe you an e mail--funny thing, but just when you are ready to "let someone go," they come knocking at your door.
Will tell all later! I really need to try to get some sleep now, so...off to the crypt I creep!

Dee
Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330
Queensland, Australia
13 posted 2002-02-26 05:44 AM


Janet, it is always hard to say goodbye. You have done it so well. You brought me a smile through the tears.
I wish you the strength to carry on, my friend, and the love of good people around you.

Dee

I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life.     a brand

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
14 posted 2002-02-26 06:03 AM


jm, it is enjoyable to view
your maturity here
in the writing and the woman ways


Kit McCallum
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Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
15 posted 2002-02-26 06:09 AM


Ah Janet Marie ... loved the title right off the bat ... "Reality of "Sky", just has such a lovely ring to it. Amazing how you've taken that concept and woven it so perfectly with your sentiments within the verse.  Wonderful imagery ... I could see the visuals you created within my minds eye. You set the mood beautifully in this piece my friend, capturing your emotion succinctly. Very much enjoyed JM, thanks for the morning treat!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
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Listening to every heart
16 posted 2002-02-26 06:56 AM



You need not travel far and wide
to bring such comfort to our side
you only opened arms of hope
allowing comfort's search of cope...

Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
17 posted 2002-02-26 08:03 AM


JM,
I am sad, but Randy refuses to cry.
For the wonder of your write
Has brought a serious why.
Love Ya my butterfly.

Cpat Hair
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18 posted 2002-02-26 08:37 AM


There'll be no solace found ...
in midnight's ebon' embrace.
emptiness echoes in silent resound ...
what used to be, now gone without a trace.

I'll hold out no hope ... for the coming day's dawn,
I wont wait for you there ...  you're already gone.

Ah Poet ... your words though melancholy do touch the heart and take the reader into the moment.... your posts are far too few and rare so when shared with us, it is always a pleasure to see how you do it.

More!!! More!!! More!!! ( cries the humble)


Mistletoe Angel
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19 posted 2002-02-26 08:53 AM




(BIG HUUGGGSSSSSSS) Oh Janet, my heart cries out to you, this is so very sad and heartaching and I hope this does not apply to a current emotion you have! (sad sigh) I hope now the beauty of true love has awaited you and has embraced you and filled your heart with happiness! (kiss on cheek) We all love you so much, sweet friend, my thoughts are always with you! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Janet, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-26-2002 11:07 AM).]

Victoria
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20 posted 2002-02-26 08:55 AM


Very sad, letting go..but in our hearts we never will...very touching Janet Marie..hugss

             Victoria~

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
21 posted 2002-02-26 09:03 AM


I'll hold out no hope ... for the coming day's dawn,
I wont wait for you there ...  you're already gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful...but achingly so, Janet Marie.  So nice to see you here...please come back more often and stay longer.  
Love this piece...of course.
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So that you won't ever forget me.~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

22 posted 2002-02-26 09:17 AM


Morning poets and poetesses
I'm fighting off a little flu bug here this morn, but I just wanted to check in and say thank you very much for your humbling replies and the wonderful way in which you all, always receive my poetry. I know my muse often writes melancholy, I guess thats just me, or the side of me that comes out in my writing, but I am fine. Please dont let my blue pen worry you. I am happiest when I am writing, even if it reads otherwise. *L* Thank you for the concerned replies and emails, we become a family here taking care of each other. I apologize for worring anyone. I'll come back to this in a bit after I "wake up"...hot raspberry tea is in order to bite this bug in the butt
thank you guys...Allen you get an A for reply effort I'll be back.
love to poetry land
jm

vandana
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23 posted 2002-02-26 10:41 AM


enjoyed
Dark Angel
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since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

24 posted 2002-02-26 03:18 PM


JM, such a sad but beautiful piece. It is great to read you.

Maree

Madame Chipmunk
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since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
25 posted 2002-02-26 03:39 PM


This makes me cry, JM...it just aches with sadness.  I have lost my first husband and my older son during the past 3 years...and you have portrayed these feelings so very well....This poem is a rare beauty.

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

rosepetals25
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26 posted 2002-02-26 04:13 PM


Janet,

    First I have to say I'm very relieved to see this is just your muse. I'm glad you are ok.
    Second, this is breath taking as usual. You write so well, so strong. You always evoke emotion in me. This time was no different, you brought tears to my eyes.  

Hugs to you,
Tara

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
     - Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

27 posted 2002-02-26 05:57 PM


Well, this flu bug is winning...And now Im too far behind here to catch up but I wanted to come back and thank every one for your replies. Each one means something special.  Sharon thank you for the dream catcher thats cool!! and sweet. .... Magicmystery Welcome to Passions and Coco-girlie welcome BACK.

Allan ... first of all thank you for taking the time to give me such an in depth read and reply...I really appreciate it...I need to be able to see my poetry thru someone else's eyes, its the only way we can learn and grow.
To answer your question: "Am I at all accurate here?"
You were pretty much dead on in most all your observations...in fact you saw more than I did. LOL  I think you put more time in on this one than I did...my muse usually makes me work much harder and longer for a poem, but for some reason this one just came, not that I'm complaining mind you  
I had to smile at your "forum decorum"...in using the words "kind of typical" about the wind whispered line. Its OK to say cliche!!   I am the first to admit my poetry tends to contain the more cliche standards. For that line...I chose it for the reasons of I wanted the wind to play a role with the other forces of nature and imagery...but also the whisper idea to bring in the theme of empty echo and silence of the next verse...but honestly, I kept it after trying some less cliche lines, as I went for the alliteration of it as well as the several others I used. I try to incorporate alliterations and internal rhyme whenever I can...hopefully without them being forced.
I have to be honest with you...I had no definite intention or direction with this when I started, other than I knew the emotions I wanted to express and had the inspire to use the sky in its daily cycle to "dress up" the emotions in. The rest just came in the purge, like I said..you saw more motives and angles here than I did,-- my groovy poetry groupie   but you were dead on about finding comfort in the night and yes also to your intuitive comment on "confirmation within the darker side"
As for the pics...sometimes I just add them to make a "complete presentation", and sometimes I add them if I'm feeling insecure about the poem "being enough" and that was the case here. Silly perhaps...but that's me and me moody muse.
Again...thank you for the time and effort and offering your insight...in depth critique is a way for us all to learn more about poetry writing and interpretation as we are reading as well. (I wish I knew the logistics of poetry like you do.) And I do know in a busy forum and all one has to do (like homework) that making the time to give them isn't easy. So, I owe ya ....I could do your homework. Just dont ask what kind of grades I got.

thank you all for your kind and generous responses...I appreciate them more than "thank you" alone conveys.

love to poetry land
jm


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (02-27-2002 08:44 AM).]

SEA
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with you
28 posted 2002-02-26 06:35 PM


Janet,

I'm feeling this... you write "Heart Poetry"
and never ever fail to touch excellent...

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

29 posted 2002-02-26 07:09 PM


A poignant piece pure poetess.
CocoBaci
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since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

30 posted 2002-02-27 01:59 AM




Pssst...
Just a lil something
For SweetPoetFriend JM
Hugs2uAlways
*~coco~*
peaches73533
Senior Member
since 2001-11-04
Posts 981
OK, USA
31 posted 2002-02-27 02:11 AM


DArk and sad, but beautifully written and the pictures add to the portrayal of your words.
peaches

Duncan
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since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

32 posted 2002-02-27 02:39 AM


There'll be no solace found ...
in midnight's ebon' embrace.
emptiness echoes in silent resound ...
what used to be, now gone without a trace.

I understand your intent in this verse but there is much more than a trace remaining or you couldn't have written this.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

33 posted 2002-02-27 06:34 AM


Ok JM, I won't mail you and tell you I worry, I will just wish for your heart to find peace.  Hugs to you dear one, but you do know where to find me if needed.  You have written beautifuly....

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

(I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~Garth)

Michael
Moderator
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since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
34 posted 2002-02-27 06:49 AM


Elegance and pain, a perfect combination for a poet like me.


Beautifully done, Janet.

Michael

Nan
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since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
35 posted 2002-02-27 08:39 AM


Very nicely done... as all have said before me here...

The resolve I see within these fine lines, though shows me that with each resplendant sunset comes an equally glorious sunrise... I'd bet this lady would be up to greet it...

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
36 posted 2002-02-27 09:05 AM


JM,
when you write melancholy you touch my heart. Then I just want to hug you and make it better. *Huggles*
Keth

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Marge Tindal
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37 posted 2002-02-27 10:01 AM


JanetMarie~
Moody Muse my caboose !
She just sits and waits for a beauty like this one to splash in the inkwell of your thoughts~
A beauty~
I have no critique of the heart-ink of you, poetess~
Just admiration and enjoyment~
Love n' hugs n' other fancy stuff~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
         noles1@totcon.com                    

suthern
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38 posted 2002-02-27 01:48 PM


I don't think I could ever critique... those aren't the eyes I wear when I read poetry. *S* But I did read Allan's post and your response with interest... because however melancholy the poem may be, there's also strength, resolve and acceptance accompanying the sadness... as the day goes through its cycles, so we must let grief have its stages. This is excellent, JM... the alliteration reads so smoothly I could have fun just listening to the sounds... but then I'd miss a remarkable whole. *S*

P.S. GET WELL SOON!!! *S*

[This message has been edited by suthern (02-27-2002 01:49 PM).]

rwood
Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793
Tennessee
39 posted 2002-02-27 02:20 PM


This is tender lovely..an excellent example of feminine heartstrings to me. Delicate yet resilient with more than a note of change. Evolving as only a woman could under night skies of sorrow. of letting go. Thanks for sharing this part of you. Heart hugs and hope you are feeling better.

Sincerely,
Regina

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

40 posted 2002-02-27 03:54 PM


Thank you my fellow poets and friends...your support of my poetry humbles and honors me..
as wonderful as you all are, one would think my moody muse would come around more often to bask in your warmth
you guys are the TLC that goes down good with the hot tea and soup I am feeling some better...it was 70 here on Sunday and its 20 today with snow...no wonder we get sick.
Thank you to all for these kind replies.
heart-hugs
jm

Parker
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since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
41 posted 2002-02-28 04:32 PM


Janet baby, loved this piece. Great write.

I must tell you though that i'm not gone just under a different sky. lol
When she kicks me outta here i'll be sleeping by the arch... i'm sure its on my way home.

One last thing... I think some poet wrote this... but you know with every sad sunset,
in the night a million suns will shine.

Thats why I always look forward to the night, and hanging out at the arch.

Parker

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

42 posted 2002-02-28 04:42 PM


P-man you kill me... lol
so how is the sky down there? bring me back a sea shell
(and I doubt seriously your getting kicked out of anywhere...not if you wore what I told you to at the airport) WAKKA WAKKA
I'd meet ya under the arch but I've no doubt you would FORGET to get off the plane.  rofl

thank you sweet tease...
I love that poetic quote you left...
once again...you hang the moon.
I'll tell them to leave a light on at the arch. Enjoy the rest of your trip ... then send pictures ROFL

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
43 posted 2002-02-28 04:48 PM


JM,

melancholy or not..this was as always
fanstatic. so good to see your work.
i am sorry that i am only now posting
to this, but as i am sure you know...life
gets hectic! beautiful piece of writing
my friend that shows your lovely heart
wonderfully. take care!

love ya,
amy

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have"

Corinne
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since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
44 posted 2002-02-28 10:00 PM


Sad and beautiful, JM!

Cor

GenXer
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since 2001-12-15
Posts 583
USA
45 posted 2002-03-01 12:01 PM


Janet - I had to see what all the fuss was about (44 replies and counting), now I know.  This is really good.  Your use of imagery intertwined with the feeling of hopelessness was very effective.  Well done.

Dave

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

46 posted 2002-03-01 12:18 PM


Amy, Corinne and Dave...thank you very much for these kind replies...no matter the number, each reply is indivdual and special to me as is each poet and the individual poetry you share.
Dave...had to smile at your "all the fuss comment" ... my moody muse only comes around once in a blue moon... If ya blink ya miss her....or I do anyway  *L*

thank you to all on this thread, so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts with me.
peace and poetry
jm

mutington
Member
since 2000-11-29
Posts 132
New Jersey, USA
47 posted 2002-03-01 02:26 AM


Truly beautiful.....even in its revealing sadness.........

mutington/joyce

"I can live by myself, but not within myself."
MUTINGTON'S  MEADOWS



Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

48 posted 2002-03-01 06:46 PM


Thank you mutington...very much...good to see you back on the blue pages.
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