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Open Poetry #19
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2002-02-15 08:40 AM


He climbed the mountain so high,
so high that he might touch the sky,
the sky so blue, with clouds floating by,
by, good-bye he wishes them on their way,
their way drifting from his hilltop viewing
viewing the world in broad expansive glancing,
glancing back to where he began the day,
the day of a solitary task for doing,
doing the climb to where the heavens are dancing
dancing on mountain top
top the mountain so high

Gloom
just a little word/form exercise


© Copyright 2002 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
1 posted 2002-02-15 08:52 AM


Oh I like this! Does this "exercise" have a name?
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
2 posted 2002-02-15 09:03 AM


Thank you, Munda,
I’m glad you liked it.
I don’t think it does, but there are many repeating forms,
Some repeat entire lines, other ones just words or phrases.
This sort of was inspired by Doreen Peri’s poem, but also by
Some Chinese poetry I’ve been reading from the Tang Dynasty
Which contained this subject.

Gloom

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
3 posted 2002-02-15 10:59 AM


if all excercise were this fun, I'd have it made
Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2002-02-15 11:13 AM


Professor--I love it!  Should be named after you!
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2002-02-15 11:29 AM


What a great 'poetic' exercise...
Free-metered Serpentine???

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
6 posted 2002-02-15 11:35 AM


Thank you, hoot_owl_rn,
Exercise is fun, if you go about it in that way.
Glad you like this one of mine, that makes it fun for me.

Thank you, Martie,
If they did that, no one would write them,
Pleased at the thought you give though.

Thank you, Nan
That’s a good name for it

Gloom

Silver Streak
Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625
FL, USA
7 posted 2002-02-15 11:43 AM


You do it so well
when you do a write of poetry
Of poetry that you do so well
My hear says, do more for me
as I desire so well to see
of your write of poetry
when you do it
so well.

Thanks, Gloom, enjoyed!
((Gloom))
-newell

Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com

Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
8 posted 2002-02-15 11:51 AM



I had done one similiar to this style I don't know when, somewhere back in the archives, and I do like the way it sounds, especially when read aloud...

well done, Professor!

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
9 posted 2002-02-15 12:31 PM


Thank you, Silver Streak,
It’s nice to be appreciated for the effort put into my writing,
Even on simple exercises.

Thank you, Sunshine,
I really hadn’t thought of the reading it out loud,
But you may be correct, it might be a good form for reading out loud.
I think the structure needs work, perhaps stricture meter
And a rhyming between lines other than just the last with the echo.
If you find you old one, please e-mail it to me.
I’m sure I’ll find it interesting.

Gloom

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
10 posted 2002-02-17 11:49 PM



Professor Gloom-
  This is wonderful!
  I absolutely LOVE it!
  Hugs,
  ~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Midnitesun
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since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
11 posted 2002-02-18 12:22 PM


A very tasty tangy poem. Unusual form? I love the 'formlessness' of free flow.
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
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British Columbia, Canada
12 posted 2002-02-18 12:36 PM


Oh I loved this whatever it is called, and perhaps you invented something new?  I like the way the words roll in my mind, and when you read it out loud it is even better as you can carry the last line to the next with audible emphasis, and it is so neat!

Live today like it was your last day on earth!
  ~* Don't know who said it but they were sure right *~



GenXer
Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583
USA
13 posted 2002-02-18 12:28 PM


Professor - I enjoyed this exercise of word and verse very much.

Dave

Zinsser
Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641
Calif.
14 posted 2002-02-18 02:08 PM


Gloom...... I loved this  write.... I felt a freedom not common in your writing... almost like you were smiling  LOL   : )
    Connie

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
15 posted 2002-02-18 02:31 PM


Thank you, vlraynes,
If my words have pleased you
My poetry is a success.

Thank you, Midnitesun,
This is a little freer that my usual stilted style,
Glad you liked it’s flow.

Thank you, Mysteria,
Your comments make me thin that is should be read,
Perhaps I shall try it out loud.

Thank you, GenXer,
It’s always good to exercise the mind,
I am pleased you enjoyed.

Thank you, Zinsser,
Hadn’t thought of it as freedom,
But perhaps I do confine myself in forms.
Still it’s how I write, Glad you found this breaking out to your liking


Gloom

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
16 posted 2002-02-18 03:44 PM


PF this is really wonderful read out loud, and if you don't mind (as you said before I was allowed and I always say who writes them and where they are from in the world) I shall do just that on Thursday to the seniors group and send you an email to tell you what they think LOL, their comments are very funny sometimes, ask Sunshine she really gets put through the wringer sometimes.  Thanks again.

Live today like it was your last day on earth!
  ~* I don't know who said it but they were sure right *~



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