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Passions in Poetry

VII.

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Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


0 posted 05-10-2008 12:14 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Allysa

My senses deceived me-

feet touching concrete,
the city smelled familiar
a mix, rainwater and garbage
and plastic cups, beads
if they have a smell

nostalgia
and hands touching walls
of buildings far away
watching streets
never filled with water

they glance as my eyes close
he looks, concerned
furrowed brow and takes me
pulls me by the hand,
drags me down the street

they don't see the ghosts I see

I'm not sure even I do
anymore it's something
just over my shoulder,
out of reach, and
far enough away to quiet

the muttering,
talking, mistaking city blocks
for something else I saw once
he watches my eyes search
not knowing what I'm looking for

every city is the same

and it isn't,
except when you close your eyes
to see the jazz parade,
the rain of days,
it doesn't matter where you are

it finds you.
© Copyright 2008 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Brian James
Member
since 06-26-2005
Posts 147
Winnipeg


1 posted 06-14-2008 11:28 PM       View Profile for Brian James   Email Brian James   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brian James

There was a time when I was highly skeptical of what I called "choppy line-breaky poetry," but my opinion of it is occasionally redeemed by examples of good poems written in that strain.  Such as this one.

The landscape of the poem is so thematically similar to the flow of ideas.  I really admire that.  Every stanza is like a turn on a street corner, to a new avenue, the same but completely different.  The ultimate effect is a wandering, unanticipated and unanticipatable futurelessness and uncertainty.

Your most isolated lines are also, appropriately, the most intimate and personal parts of the poem.  It works out really, really well.

Ahh, "Poetic Haven" is awesome.  Come, and let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the deaths of kings.

Nice to have seen you around, Allysa.

"To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form."
~Robert Frost

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


2 posted 07-12-2008 11:38 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Thanks.
 
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