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Passions in Poetry

plucking chords

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Midnitesun
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Gaia


0 posted 11-06-2006 08:05 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Midnitesun


you pluck the chords
one by one
until
the heartbeat
is done;
nothing left
to resonate

who knows
where the notes go
when no one is there
to hear
or care
or repeat

love's refrain

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (11-06-2006 11:11 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Kathleen Kacy Stafford - All Rights Reserved
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
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1 posted 11-06-2006 11:07 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Very nicely done. Short and succint and does cut to the quick.  Only thing I might change is the comma after 'is done' to a semicolon, though I could very well be mistaken. That's the beauty of nothing much to nitpick.  
Midnitesun
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2 posted 11-06-2006 11:11 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

thank you Alicat
for reading and suggesting
not sure here either if the comma/semicoln matters where matters of the heart bleed out thoughts with no regard for correctness
Nightshade
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just out of reach


3 posted 11-08-2006 10:26 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

This is sadly beautiful.
Very nicely done indeed.
hugs, Chris
Alicat
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4 posted 11-08-2006 10:39 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Guess I should've clarified my suggestion. The semicolon gives a little bit more of a verbal pause after the first breath of 5 lines, accentuating 'nothing left to resonate' which creates a bit more impact when read aloud.  Which is how I normally read things to get the flow, beat, rhythm.  Very well done, by the by, with just enough emotional charge without slipping into the maudlin.
Decaflame
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5 posted 11-09-2006 04:30 PM       View Profile for Decaflame   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Decaflame


Kacy, this is beautiful...
and the semicolon works...



Midnitesun
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6 posted 11-09-2006 07:14 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

Smiling here.
I really do enjoy this forum
and the gentleness of your replies.
 
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