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Passions in Poetry

In lieu of mourning

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Brian James
Member
since 06-26-2005
Posts 147
Winnipeg


0 posted 09-11-2006 02:41 AM       View Profile for Brian James   Email Brian James   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Brian James

In Lieu of Mourning

I never usually see grass so tall
As what it's like out here.  You know, I told you
I've never dug a grave before, and you
Can tell just by the way I move my limbs
I'm unfamiliar with the way they work,
Or maybe just distracted by my task.

We came a little further, like you said,
A little further from the place we once
Lay down together, and looked up at the sky
At spinning ghosts of ice (you'd said to me
They were more frightening than you'd ever seen)
While laying on the picnic blanket where
I learned to love the wonder in your eyes,
And the attentiveness with which you laugh
When something brushes up against your skin.

You might have laughed the same when, as a child,
You came here with your friends for games of tag,
Tripping on shoots of grass or, in the winter
When you came to build castles in the snow.
Likewise, you might have frowned just as you're doing
Watching me with your dark collectiveness
When, as you told me, once you took two birds
That you had found drowned in a swimming pool,
But with a plain and playful honesty
You carved a resting place in this same field
And gave them such a dignified farewell
As would be fitting for a Christian soul.

Don't think me careless if I truly feel
Less horrified to lay her in her grave
Than I am mesmerized by the eternal
Child-likeness in your youngness to the world,
And do not think I'm being insincere
Or merely comforting you when I say
I've always loved you, and I always will,
In no small part because of times like this,
When you're so struck by God's eternal grandeur
That sadness is the only honest answer.
© Copyright 2006 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


1 posted 09-11-2006 06:31 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

Taking a sighing breath, Brian
...beautifully conveyed

M
Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


2 posted 09-11-2006 08:43 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Brian, this is very good with an easy conversational flow.  The only thing my mind tripped on was the tense of Lay, since the speaker is relating past events as evidenced by the past tense of 'looked up at the sky'.  There is a deep profoundness here which left my jaw agape.  Very well done.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


3 posted 09-11-2006 11:58 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Brian

This poem left me in an emotional meadow and I don't want to leave to talk of form or meter...ok?  
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


4 posted 09-12-2006 12:45 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

quote:
Likewise, you might have frowned just as you're doing
Watching me with your dark collectiveness
When, as you told me, once you took two birds
That you had found drowned in a swimming pool,
But with a plain and playful honesty
You carved a resting place in this same field
And gave them such a dignified farewell
As would be fitting for a Christian soul.
  I am sure no critic but man did I love this piece.  It took me several times reading it to come to the conclusion that I wish I had known this person, but thanks to you, I now did.  

This reminds me of several trips as a kid to various graveyards around Winnipeg Bri.  I would see patches of long grass, and it always made me cry at the lack of care I guess.
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


5 posted 09-12-2006 09:58 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

goodness....

I can't just say "wow" here and have you understand the gravity of it...to say that I like this, isn't enough.   Brian, you really do have a gift with your words. I'm so glad I got to read this.
iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


6 posted 09-19-2006 08:57 PM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

I'm keeping this one.
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