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Passions in Poetry

In The Hallway of the Primary School

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Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 06-14-2005 07:20 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Half-written and uncertain imitations
Are tacked chaotically together there,
Thousands of small, inimitable figments
Of some wide-open mouth's terrified saying.
They left them here, and in the schoolyard playing
Forget their feeble, unassuming segments
Of this thing, on the wall beside the stairs,
The open forum of their innovation.

The cold grass is a symmetry of sneakers,
Wood panels frame a measure of white pebbles,
Some stand on legs, with platforms, walls, and towers,
Beams drawn out in a rush of shaky lines.
These bars, the chaff of re-assembling minds;
These bridges, jealous of the secret powers
That crush them, lie beneath swift feet and tremble
Subordinate below the treasure-seeker.

The sheets of paper in the hall are strange:
A tiny tack supports them on the wall
(They're blue or green, of little circumstance),
And every paper with like measurements.
These crayon lines are like in their intent,
Though what they find dies at a sideways glance:
Floor tiles of one sort flooring out the hall,
Flanked by gray bricks in careful stacks arranged.

It's empty and too silent of a place
Without their native lore to guide my sense.
What should I see?  I'll try to understand:
This glowing circle is a burning sun,
Unmodelled and originally done;
Another here's the outline of a hand
In a red pencil; and just three feet hence,
I see the outline of a human face.
© Copyright 2005 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


1 posted 06-14-2005 07:29 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Brian...you captured such a feeling here.  I could see a young child, an artist, with tongue caught in concentration.  And so I went back to my elementary school...a place that was full of growing pain tears and the giddy jubilation of new friendship, because of you.  Thank you!  
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


2 posted 06-15-2005 12:10 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


What Martie said, but more.

I felt a sense of sadness permeating between the crayola lines, the sense of innocence still within the young, but somehow, this:

quote:
These crayon lines are like in their intent,
Though what they find dies at a sideways glance:
Floor tiles of one sort flooring out the hall,
Flanked by gray bricks in careful stacks arranged.


seemed to come across to me [as probably was your intent]as institutional...and brought back the phrase, "ticky-tacky houses, all look the same..."

Yes, a deep sense of "what's it all about" comes to mind.
Musicmaker1969
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 06-25-2000
Posts 594
Peterborough, Ontario Canada


3 posted 05-14-2006 02:04 AM       View Profile for Musicmaker1969   Email Musicmaker1969   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Musicmaker1969's Home Page   View IP for Musicmaker1969

Your poem took me back to my primary school days where I could see the halls and remember what it was like outside.  And like your poem, when I remember these things, I feel sadness, not joy.  This was a beautiful poem, yet sad in some strange way.  Like a longing to go back and change things for the better.  A very moving poem, at least for me.

Sheri Adams

Jesus lives in my heart!  He can in yours too!!!
Sheri Liegh Adams
sheriliegh@sympatico.ca

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


4 posted 10-05-2006 01:13 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Yes...you can see them there, in those very things...and I can see them here.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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