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Passions in Poetry

Snow White

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Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 05-30-2005 06:23 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

The distance in her features
Draws the swarming creatures
To find her in the nude:
The guilty core that lingers
Prisoned in her fingers
Is variously chewed,
And through the shoots of grass
The mazy adders pass.
© Copyright 2005 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 05-30-2005 08:13 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

this is yet another, I shall take line by lines, the metaphor(s) and connections left me grinning mad tho.

I like.

very much.
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


2 posted 05-31-2005 12:02 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I tell you those kids are going to have one heck of a teacher one day You sure made me smile at you over this one!

~* C'est la vie *~

timothysangel1973
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since 12-03-2001
Posts 1749
Never close enough


3 posted 05-31-2005 03:19 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

I keep telling him he is a genious

He's such a smart young man, and what a refreshing thing to see these days.  All most young people care about is video games and learning new cuss words lol

I am so glad to have known Brian, he "learns" me something new each time I talk with him !!

Wonderful write Brian, glad I came in here tonight

Tima
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 05-31-2005 07:27 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I'll be the first to admit that I have difficulties seeing what other people see so readily in poems of this kind but let me guess..

The guilty core that lingers
Prisoned in her fingers
Is variously chewed,

Does that mean she chews her fingernails out of a guilty conscience? and why the word "variously"?

The mazy adders pass.

Is this some play on words I don't know? The definition of mazy doesn't shed any light on this for me.

I know I can ask you these questions because you are one to take them as curiosity and not be offended.....so please lead ole Balladeer down the path of enlightenment, if you please
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
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Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 06-01-2005 01:31 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Balladeer:

By the "core," I meant of the apple she'd bitten.  I was going to title it Eve, but I preferred to emphasize the modern-ness of the situation, so I opted for Snow White.

She's fallen and holding an apple, at which I imagine the "swarming creatures" have been gnawing.  I am here trying to indicate the length of her having been fallen.

I admit I took "mazy" from Coleridge's "Kubla Khan" (Five miles meandering with a mazy motion / through woods and dales the sacred river ran).  Here I mean to say they move deceptively, to try and "trap" people, but also that they move in "mazy" patterns, never truly going anywhere.  That they just "pass" is just my way of saying they basically abandon her.

I hope that's a bit more clear.  I'm not terribly interested in getting this poem to its 100%, though I thought maybe Serenity would like it, as I had her in mind when I wrote it (and I can imagine her nodding at everything I've said here).
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


6 posted 06-01-2005 05:15 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Not only nodding but hugging you.

I kinda had a feeling 'bout this one Brian and yet again you write my pain better than I am capable of doing.

thank you for saying elegantly what I can't, and I think it's perfect as it is.

Btw? mazy adders? I took as symbolic of a corn snake, and thus, the paranoia of perceived threat, which is common enough for me anyhow even without the post traumatic stress thing.

Your gift for writing is apparent, but your psychic gift is slightly more subtle.

Love you my friend.
Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


7 posted 06-01-2005 08:55 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Ok, LP...I appreciate your taking the time to explain. I confess there is no way in the  world I would have understood it but that's my situation, not yours. Actually I took it as a prostitute or "fallen" woman of some kind with the core being the core of her being (oh, I like that!), the swarming creatures her many lovers and the Snow White being a bit of sarcasm or else representing the innocence she began life with compared to how she has ended up.

Possibly if you had named it eve, I may have connected the core and the snake and got your message out of it....I just need a lot of hints!

Thanks again....as I said in my last poem, I don't think I have the whatever it takes to ever get it....but I can still appreciate.

Peace
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


8 posted 06-09-2005 11:13 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Well, I'm a tad late,
maybe, just mazy...

but it's been a few days
since I've been in the comfort
of sanctuary...

and look what I find...

something that made me
read it thrice,
before going on to the responses.

I knew...I did...

and glad I was of being right [for once!]
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


9 posted 10-03-2006 12:08 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

"Well, I'm a tad late,
maybe, just mazy..."

Not as late as I am! But, better late and ever....

The sheer creativity of this little poem is quite perfection enough, to make it worthwhile.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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