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Passions in Poetry

Fall

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Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


0 posted 05-08-2005 10:10 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Alicat

In Autumn Years, Yggdrasil groaned,
freeing tenacious clinging leaves.
Sifting languidly we fell down.
Pitter-pitter-pat we laid flat
and sank beneath the ground.

Alicat
5/8/05
© Copyright 2005 Alastair Adamson - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


1 posted 05-08-2005 10:34 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

this is awesome! I had to look up Yggdrasil, and when I did, it made this even better...very cool
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 05-08-2005 01:28 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I couldn't help thinking of Paradise Lost when I read this.  Did you intend that kind of dualism, with "we fell and sank beneath the ground?"  The cosmological implications of "Yggdrasil" seem to clue that off, as well as the rather obvious title.  I've been wrong about you before, though, which is why I ask.

If it is, it's a rather cruel interpretation, just by virtue of your description.  "Tenacious" makes it sound merciless that they should be shaken off, "languid" almost brings to mind the image of a warrior being weary after a long struggle.

Regardless of whether or not there's some kind of double-meaning here, I think you've developed a very compelling image here, especially in your choice of descriptive words to humanize the whole scene.  But I can't wait for you to come back and tell me whether or not my interpretation is correct?

Brian


"God becomes as we are that we may be as he is."  ~William Blake
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


3 posted 05-11-2005 09:31 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Thank you for the responses.

LP, you're both spot on, and dead wrong.  Don'tcha just love that?   I write what I see in my head, and often, I'll use words that just seem to fit best, sound the most melodic, provide for wordplay, or all of the above.  Being inherently lazy, I leave the interpretation to the reader, which can be a dangerous thing. *chuckle*  In some other poems, the responses had me scratching my head on where they got that image, since it was about as far from my original image as could be.  But still valid, nevertheless.

I do enjoy your critiques, as they make me think and second guess my own writings.  Truth is, all I had was a picture of a large tree shedding leaves, them falling to the ground.  Then I saw that the leaves were people and when I looked at the tree, the name 'Yggdrasil' crept into my mind, probably from my early fascination with Nordic, Grecian and Celtic mythology as a child.  The leaves added to the leafmould and gradually sank into the earth as fertilizer.  So too do people, when you get right down to it.
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 05-11-2005 10:11 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

y'had me at Yggdrasil. (Let's see em make that a movie quote.)



and giggles

love ya bro
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


5 posted 05-12-2005 03:26 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Came back to give you a proper response bro.

I really like the way this read as like a children's rhyme. Like something I'd overhear from a Wiccan playground.

in fact, I think I love this. I just wish I could accept the natural fact without all the pain, yanno? hugs
timothysangel1973
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since 12-03-2001
Posts 1749
Never close enough


6 posted 05-28-2005 03:48 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

Well I am gonna be honest cause I always am hehe

I LOVED IT !!

I loved it more, after you explained what it was about.  Now, that was me being honest, cause normally I wouldnt tell someone that I had no clue what the hell they were talking about just so that I could save face.  LOL

This was beautiful, once I let my mind see what you seen.

Wonderful Write

Tima
Michael
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since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


7 posted 05-28-2005 12:13 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

“Two thumbs up”  Ali.  I think my interpretation was also pinned to the lines:

freeing tenacious clinging leaves.
Sifting languidly we fell down.

I can clearly recall a state equal to each of these in my life, and I have witnessed a great many other “tenaciously clinging “ people reach that change as well.  Truly, the life I was trying so hard to cling to did not begin until I actually let go.  Kind of makes me wonder how many leaves die on the branch so to speak.  

Well, guess all that’s left is becoming fertilizer now.  : )

Great piece of work, I was glad you shared your insights as well.  I always tried to convey emotion through my poetry, but leave the readers to their own interpretations as well.  You definitely perked my interest up with this one.
Ratleader
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


8 posted 11-21-2005 02:20 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Sometimes it's just plain refreshing to have a poem that is interesting enough to make you want to read it for the twothreefour times through, that it takes before it whaps you between the eyes....and lo, this hath been one of them!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


9 posted 12-12-2005 07:45 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Goodness...guess I should check this forum more often, as I've been very busy the past 2 months with a roofing project for my dad.

Sis, thank you, as always, for your readership.  I knows you'll be brutal when the need arises, and I do treasure your insights.

Timothysangel, thanky!

Michael, thanks for your response, as it gives yet another dimension to this work which I hadn't hitherto thought of myself.

Ratleader...zounds.  Your response simply made me grin widely and cackle madly.  For a maudlin day, your words sure perked me up.  Thanky for that.
 
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