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Passions in Poetry

The Middle Man

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Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


0 posted 11-24-2004 08:40 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Alicat

Men of Action doing mighty deeds.
How I hates them!
I hates them from where I stand
down here.
I spit at them!
I spit high and arcing
arcing
casting doubts into their eyes.
Gravity robs me of my action,
steals my will,
weighs me down with saddlebags,
and shows me the way home.
There where ghastly red banners
proclaim any media blurb.
Conform to gray mentality.
Uphold bourgeios mundanity.
Here there's no lower or upper end,
just us, the middle men.

Alicat
11/24/04
© Copyright 2004 Alastair Adamson - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 12-28-2004 06:58 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

It's hard to figure out the tone of this.  "How I hates them" makes it want to be kind of a dialect poem, but some of the vocab you use betrays that.  Or is there supposed to be some kind of transformation?

I loved the double effect of this part though:

quote:
I spit high and arcing
arcing


The seen and heard parts of this passage really compliment each other.  I hear him repeating himself, "arcing!" and I see a visual emphasis at the same time.  I've always been skeptical about the power of visual in written poetry, but this is a good example of why my skepticism is incomplete.

Another thing:  if he spits high and arcing, it lands somewhere other than where he's aiming.  I would have loved if you'd told me where that was.

Pretty thoughtful writing here, Alicat.  Thanks for giving me something to read.

Brian

"God becomes as we are that we may be as he is."  ~William Blake

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


2 posted 12-28-2004 08:44 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Thank you, LP, for the thoughtful response and for allowing me to mess up your skepticism.

This one was one of many things I see in my head, and more often than not they evaporate before the words finish forming.  This piece is where the words unbidden tried to protray the vision in my mind of the middle class workers, lowest tier for corporations, trying to get the CEOs attention and failing, being too low for such action, weighed down with doubts and bills.  There, where they live and work, there is no real color except on bright media banners which proclaim messages tailored for the masses, meaning less then nothing.  The tone is simple: bleak despair.
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


3 posted 11-04-2005 01:10 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

There are those Alpha monkeys you speak of...running the show and most everyone in it...and the Betas, who look for chances to curry Alpha favor.....

.....I'm a Gamma; I just don't care about that game, and I don't let 'em run me -- or overrun me.

Nice to know I'm not alone!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 11-04-2005 03:06 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

"How I hates them!"

That's prolly my favorite part, but my druthers woulda compelled me to write "How I hates 'em" to stick more with the vernacular.

But then? smiling...I have had the pleasure of hearing you read, so that's how I hear you in my head now.

You know I love this, and yes, the color is:

bleak despair



somebunny unnerstands ye bro.
Musicmaker1969
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 06-25-2000
Posts 594
Peterborough, Ontario Canada


5 posted 05-23-2006 03:18 AM       View Profile for Musicmaker1969   Email Musicmaker1969   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Musicmaker1969's Home Page   View IP for Musicmaker1969

I think most of the North American society are the middle men you talk about.  I was not sure at first where you were going, but this is what I got out of it - that if you are high society with your head held smugly in the air, then spit at you for being so smug.  I think the middle man has a prety good life.  Working hard, AND enjoying the benefits of their hard labour.

Sincerely,
Sheri Adams

Jesus lives in my heart!  He can in yours too!!!
Sheri Liegh Adams
sheriliegh@sympatico.ca

 
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