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Passions in Poetry

Paripatetic Ideas

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young_blood
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since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


0 posted 06-03-2004 02:17 PM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for young_blood

Paripatetic Ideas

I have become impartial to you, bleak imp
That steals my heart when Iím not looking, so sleek
In appearance next to the faded dullness and him,
But be careful that the starlight doesnít again speak.

I have become impartial to the antediluvian, and love
Never seems difficult to sample, singing again
To torpid eyes lain in the ground, call your bluff,
One step back from winning the bleeding pen.

I have become impartial to you, speak imp
That I am steal my heart when you blink, so leap
Away from the mirror, away from the blemished,
But be careful that the starlight doesnít shine, doesnít creep

[This message has been edited by young_blood (06-03-2004 10:40 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved
Allysa
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since 11-09-1999
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In an upside-down garden


1 posted 06-03-2004 08:45 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Although repetition usually annoys me (even when I use it), I thought the repetition of the beginning of each stanza was tasteful and added to the poem overall. The idea of becoming or being impartial toward anything is almost contradictory, if you really think about it, because if you are sitting around thinking about becoming impartial to something, you aren't really impartial or even unaffected by said thing. Just a thought and I think too much.

I'll most likely be back with more to ramble.
young_blood
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since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


2 posted 06-03-2004 10:40 PM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for young_blood

haha...thanks allysa
Midnitesun
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Gaia


3 posted 06-04-2004 04:40 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

enjoyed this, as it made me think...as well as grab a dictionery

I was wondering about the spelling on two words, did you mean peripatetic? and also, antideluvial? just curious

It is good to see young poets like yourself emerging, and bringing fresh ideas into the Sanctuary. Please continue.
young_blood
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since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


4 posted 06-04-2004 05:07 PM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for young_blood

yes i did, thank you for catching those. i reread this and thought a couple of them looked funny from how i had learned them. at any rate, thank you for reading it.
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


5 posted 06-06-2004 06:16 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

This poem uses wording quite cleverly, recycling a lot of the old lines in new ways.  Nice write.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

young_blood
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since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


6 posted 06-11-2004 06:49 PM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for young_blood

thank you fracta
 
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