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Passions in Poetry

No Words

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Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


0 posted 05-06-2004 01:33 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Janet Marie

Of fine words ... I have none ...
there'll be no verse born of setting sun.
No rhymes to align clouds in linen sky ...
No poetic sighs ... no words have I.


Still, what's left to say that
I haven't said before?


Steal the stars from night ...

                wake to a dawnless morn ...
                                
                                    take the tides from the shore ...


Living without you ...
leaves me lacking even more.


  




The ink bleeds through cuz you're paper thin
you're one more fool with a paper and pen
lookin for a poem in the water stains on the floor.

R.B.
© Copyright 2004 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 05-06-2004 01:50 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I have no words to add to this either.

But somehow, I knew you knew that...

Edder
Senior Member
since 04-02-2003
Posts 676


2 posted 05-06-2004 01:57 AM       View Profile for Edder   Email Edder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Edder

"Of fine words ... I have none ..."

i beg to differ... but i do understand the sentiment.
muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-15-2004
Posts 3021
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving


3 posted 05-06-2004 02:13 AM       View Profile for muted   Email muted   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for muted

i just about started crying reading this...
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


4 posted 05-06-2004 06:55 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Your words have the feel

always...

Regards
sudhir
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


5 posted 05-06-2004 06:57 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Janet Marie...this aches but so beautifully.

Maree

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin.

Go Alanis!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


6 posted 05-06-2004 09:34 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Trying to hide, girly-girl?
Shining on you, I am...
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


7 posted 05-06-2004 01:22 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I'm ever a fan of subtlety, but nonetheless, I still feel this could have been a bit longer... if only to add to the effect created by the contrasting ending lines.

I think it's awesome that you're writing in meter & rhyme for a change (if it is a change, I haven't read you in a while).  Have you been doing this lately?  Should I check out some more of it?  It seems almost like you've been infuenced by Karen's meter style, how it just sort of naturally goes through your words instead of leading the format along.  It had a really nice effect on the poem's sound quality.

Ditto the subtle rhymes... I think you should do this more, it really works for you.

Thanks for spicing up the Sanctuary.  I know you so much prefer the 50+ replies you get in the Open forum but it's nice to see you in here.  

Much love, JM
Brian

"God becomes as we are that we may be as he is."  ~William Blake

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


8 posted 05-06-2004 05:02 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

respectfully..of course..I disagree with Brian...

length does not reduce the effectiveness of image nor impact of lines. Brevity in it's best forms need only a few words to paint as with few strokes of paint on canvas enough to alow the reader or viewer to see the intent and understand the depths.

over explaining and or over describing things can easily lose the reader in detail, that while perhaps of personal significance or held in the writers eye as beauty does not in fact ADD to the base line of what the poem says. It may change the way it is said...but unfortunately in a world of 15 second sound bytes and of short attention spans..also gets lost.

I think the length and the concise delivery to be effective as well as pleasing.

than again...lmao..I am not known for epic pieces and or great intellegence.
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


9 posted 05-06-2004 05:16 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

I'll say it...again.  I love the way you write when ya just do and don't think/tweek/kittyliterate/flower it to death.  
Rockin' distill JM...
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


10 posted 05-06-2004 08:45 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Janet Marie

You wrote this in such a way that I could actually hear you sigh and see your pen hesitate in the puddle of tears you made on the paper.  That is good writing!!  
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


11 posted 05-06-2004 08:46 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Sen .... yes....I know...and? sometimes its just long overdue that the moth shuts up.
;-)  

Edder... thank you poet sir... I appreciate the sentiment and the kind words.

Dawn ... dont cry girlie...I do that enough for the both us. Thank you for coming by.

Sud ... thank you for feeling my words...always makes me happy to find you here.

Maree ... thank you girlie--I've got the ache down to a science. But for all I feel in the lacking...the love still outweighs the wait.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


12 posted 05-06-2004 08:49 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Kari... MOI??? HIDE???  now this moth knows full well one cant hide from the sun.


Brian ... me thinks you spent more time on the poem than i did
Thank you for the time...I always appreciate your effort and view...
The rhyme? I used to only write in rhyme, then found free verse gave me more room for expression...somewhere along the line rhyme has found its way back in a less structured influence. I'm not sure I have a set style...and I like to try new things so that I dont only write one way all the time..us geminis get bored easy. lol
As for being longer.... well, like you...I tend to prefer more depth of expression..
but heres the deal with this one.... its actually from a Capt Ron workshop...
A few months ago he was kind enough to work with me as I wanted to try writing
with the "less is more" succinct style that some do so well in here...as Duncan calls it..."Distilled" poetry.
He gave me some 30 words or less assigments and let me build from there...
this one came from those...I added the first verse and more rhyme to the original version. So the whole point of the poem is my attempt to show that my missing this person has left me lacking my words.....So wouldnt making it longer defeat the whole purpose?
Me thinks I just need to write succinct stronger...more impact...thats what lacks here...
not the words, but my skill at writing well in this genre.

As for posting in Sanctuary....actually in the last couple years, I think I've posted more here than Open...but then..this and 2 other semi-recent posts are the only ones I've had up in quite awhile....my muse was gone for about 8 months...so you havent missed much.
I prefer to post my more "personal work"  over here...kinda like a moth diary.
thanks again for your perspective and generosity to my work.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


13 posted 05-06-2004 08:52 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Ron...are you chuckling??  lol...as you can see...I cant even be brief in my replies... Thank you for your efforts in teaching a long winded moth a new trick or two.

Duncan ... You just like em short cuz ya got the attention span of a gnat. LOL
You just want less tigerboy poetry-- admit it LOL  but seriously-- I'll never do distilled with the grace you do...a moth can only go with out allits and tweeking for so long   thanks so much for your encouragement.


Martie...thank you sweets for feeling my words...you know my mothy ways so well.

thanks guys...very much.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


14 posted 05-06-2004 11:05 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Hi Janet...
Had to stop in and tell you that I had read you..and loved it..
LOL...of course I love everything you write.
Just wish you would post more often.
Hugs girlie.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


15 posted 05-07-2004 07:10 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

HI Nancy girl...thanks so much for coming by....yeah...I wish the moody muse would come round more too....but then maybe less is more is best for this moth...right Ron? LOL


thanks again to all who shared some of you with me.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


16 posted 05-07-2004 07:27 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

"Of fine words ... I have none ..."


Oh JM ... I beg to differ!

You have fine words a'plenty gater-gal.  

I loved the flow in this. Beautifully written ... I really enjoyed the subtleties of the rhyme scheme ... it tickled the senses and the tongue.  This piece may be of few words, but they held a giant impact and captured the delicate feeling of loss in a sensitive and poignant manner.

Loved it Janet Marie!

Best wishes and hugs to both you and your muse,
/Kit
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


17 posted 05-07-2004 11:39 AM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

JM,
Just when I think I have managed to understand my own sorrow you add depth and insight that reminds me the journey never ends. How blessed I am to share the trail with you.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


18 posted 05-07-2004 07:57 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

You say much with few words in this piece but to call them anything less than fine would be an injustice.  

I am glad to see you experimenting with new styles Janet.  I'm glad to see your muse has returned intact also.  My muse never seemed to sing to me in the same style for any in depth period of time.  I always found it a joy to change things up.

Speaking of muses, you haven't seen mine have you?


Michael
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


19 posted 05-07-2004 09:33 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Kit-gator-girlie...     
thank you so much for the kind words, but much more than that...thank you for always faithfully coming in and finding my work and encouraging me.
I appreciate it more than these words convey.

Larry.... you make my heart smile... I wish I was half as wise and strong as you are,
you set the standard of example in handling heart loss with grace.
Thank you for all youve taught me.

Michael... do you know how awesome it is to find you here.  
thank you so much for the encouragement... I know as poets, in order to grow we have to try new things... step outside our comfort zone and play with the words...One of the gifts of pips is that we find inspiration to do so when we read other poets who write in certain style so well that it becomes their signature. As for muses, mine comes and goes...I've finally gotten to a place where I can live with the long silence between words...
As for YOUR muse... If its missing..
I will pay the ransome..
THAT muse is worth poetic gold.
  
Thank you M, very much.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


20 posted 05-07-2004 11:23 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Of fine words, you have MANY....these, for example. I wish you shared them more often, but I'm glad to have found these.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


21 posted 05-08-2004 07:38 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Ed ... and I'm glad you found them too.  
Thank you kind poet sir...so nice to see your name here. Hope to see more from you as well.


thanks again to all who shared your thoughts and spirit with me here.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado

RSWells
Member Elite
since 06-17-2001
Posts 2607


22 posted 05-08-2004 06:32 PM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

PIPs isn't the same without your influence and attentions. I'll make you a deal....you write more often (wrasslin' with the muse) and I will.

This "excersize" in brevity was effective. Sparse melancholy write.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


23 posted 05-09-2004 10:49 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Richard...you make me an offer I cant refuse considering the impressive level of poetry you write. Its so nice to see your name back in the blue...I hope you will post some of your work soon. Thank you poet sir for the kind words.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 03-19-2001
Posts 13647
West Coast


24 posted 05-10-2004 11:42 AM       View Profile for Dark Stranger   Email Dark Stranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Stranger

the best dreams
are the ones with no paintings
on the walls behind
the love scenes

well done ms
 
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