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Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554


0 posted 2004-05-06 01:33 AM


Of fine words ... I have none ...
there'll be no verse born of setting sun.
No rhymes to align clouds in linen sky ...
No poetic sighs ... no words have I.


Still, what's left to say that
I haven't said before?


Steal the stars from night ...

                wake to a dawnless morn ...
                                
                                    take the tides from the shore ...


Living without you ...
leaves me lacking even more.


  




The ink bleeds through cuz you're paper thin
you're one more fool with a paper and pen
lookin for a poem in the water stains on the floor.

R.B.

© Copyright 2004 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-05-06 01:50 AM


I have no words to add to this either.

But somehow, I knew you knew that...


Edder
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since 2003-04-02
Posts 671

2 posted 2004-05-06 01:57 AM


"Of fine words ... I have none ..."

i beg to differ... but i do understand the sentiment.

muted
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since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
3 posted 2004-05-06 02:13 AM


i just about started crying reading this...
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
4 posted 2004-05-06 06:55 AM


Your words have the feel

always...

Regards
sudhir

Dark Angel
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since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

5 posted 2004-05-06 06:57 AM


Janet Marie...this aches but so beautifully.

Maree

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin.

Go Alanis!


Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
6 posted 2004-05-06 09:34 AM



Trying to hide, girly-girl?
Shining on you, I am...

Local Parasite
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since 2001-11-05
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Transylconia, Winnipeg
7 posted 2004-05-06 01:22 PM


I'm ever a fan of subtlety, but nonetheless, I still feel this could have been a bit longer... if only to add to the effect created by the contrasting ending lines.

I think it's awesome that you're writing in meter & rhyme for a change (if it is a change, I haven't read you in a while).  Have you been doing this lately?  Should I check out some more of it?  It seems almost like you've been infuenced by Karen's meter style, how it just sort of naturally goes through your words instead of leading the format along.  It had a really nice effect on the poem's sound quality.

Ditto the subtle rhymes... I think you should do this more, it really works for you.

Thanks for spicing up the Sanctuary.  I know you so much prefer the 50+ replies you get in the Open forum but it's nice to see you in here.  

Much love, JM
Brian

"God becomes as we are that we may be as he is."  ~William Blake

Cpat Hair
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8 posted 2004-05-06 05:02 PM


respectfully..of course..I disagree with Brian...

length does not reduce the effectiveness of image nor impact of lines. Brevity in it's best forms need only a few words to paint as with few strokes of paint on canvas enough to alow the reader or viewer to see the intent and understand the depths.

over explaining and or over describing things can easily lose the reader in detail, that while perhaps of personal significance or held in the writers eye as beauty does not in fact ADD to the base line of what the poem says. It may change the way it is said...but unfortunately in a world of 15 second sound bytes and of short attention spans..also gets lost.

I think the length and the concise delivery to be effective as well as pleasing.

than again...lmao..I am not known for epic pieces and or great intellegence.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

9 posted 2004-05-06 05:16 PM


I'll say it...again.  I love the way you write when ya just do and don't think/tweek/kittyliterate/flower it to death.  
Rockin' distill JM...

Martie
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California
10 posted 2004-05-06 08:45 PM


Janet Marie

You wrote this in such a way that I could actually hear you sigh and see your pen hesitate in the puddle of tears you made on the paper.  That is good writing!!  

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

11 posted 2004-05-06 08:46 PM


Sen .... yes....I know...and? sometimes its just long overdue that the moth shuts up.
;-)  

Edder... thank you poet sir... I appreciate the sentiment and the kind words.

Dawn ... dont cry girlie...I do that enough for the both us. Thank you for coming by.

Sud ... thank you for feeling my words...always makes me happy to find you here.

Maree ... thank you girlie--I've got the ache down to a science. But for all I feel in the lacking...the love still outweighs the wait.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

12 posted 2004-05-06 08:49 PM


Kari... MOI??? HIDE???  now this moth knows full well one cant hide from the sun.


Brian ... me thinks you spent more time on the poem than i did
Thank you for the time...I always appreciate your effort and view...
The rhyme? I used to only write in rhyme, then found free verse gave me more room for expression...somewhere along the line rhyme has found its way back in a less structured influence. I'm not sure I have a set style...and I like to try new things so that I dont only write one way all the time..us geminis get bored easy. lol
As for being longer.... well, like you...I tend to prefer more depth of expression..
but heres the deal with this one.... its actually from a Capt Ron workshop...
A few months ago he was kind enough to work with me as I wanted to try writing
with the "less is more" succinct style that some do so well in here...as Duncan calls it..."Distilled" poetry.
He gave me some 30 words or less assigments and let me build from there...
this one came from those...I added the first verse and more rhyme to the original version. So the whole point of the poem is my attempt to show that my missing this person has left me lacking my words.....So wouldnt making it longer defeat the whole purpose?
Me thinks I just need to write succinct stronger...more impact...thats what lacks here...
not the words, but my skill at writing well in this genre.

As for posting in Sanctuary....actually in the last couple years, I think I've posted more here than Open...but then..this and 2 other semi-recent posts are the only ones I've had up in quite awhile....my muse was gone for about 8 months...so you havent missed much.
I prefer to post my more "personal work"  over here...kinda like a moth diary.
thanks again for your perspective and generosity to my work.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

13 posted 2004-05-06 08:52 PM


Ron...are you chuckling??  lol...as you can see...I cant even be brief in my replies... Thank you for your efforts in teaching a long winded moth a new trick or two.

Duncan ... You just like em short cuz ya got the attention span of a gnat. LOL
You just want less tigerboy poetry-- admit it LOL  but seriously-- I'll never do distilled with the grace you do...a moth can only go with out allits and tweeking for so long   thanks so much for your encouragement.


Martie...thank you sweets for feeling my words...you know my mothy ways so well.

thanks guys...very much.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
14 posted 2004-05-06 11:05 PM


Hi Janet...
Had to stop in and tell you that I had read you..and loved it..
LOL...of course I love everything you write.
Just wish you would post more often.
Hugs girlie.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

15 posted 2004-05-07 07:10 AM


HI Nancy girl...thanks so much for coming by....yeah...I wish the moody muse would come round more too....but then maybe less is more is best for this moth...right Ron? LOL


thanks again to all who shared some of you with me.

Cant believe you need me, never thought I would be needed for anything.
Cant believe my shoulders carry such important weight as your tears.

N.F.

Kit McCallum
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since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
16 posted 2004-05-07 07:27 AM


"Of fine words ... I have none ..."


Oh JM ... I beg to differ!

You have fine words a'plenty gater-gal.  

I loved the flow in this. Beautifully written ... I really enjoyed the subtleties of the rhyme scheme ... it tickled the senses and the tongue.  This piece may be of few words, but they held a giant impact and captured the delicate feeling of loss in a sensitive and poignant manner.

Loved it Janet Marie!

Best wishes and hugs to both you and your muse,
/Kit

Larry C
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17 posted 2004-05-07 11:39 AM


JM,
Just when I think I have managed to understand my own sorrow you add depth and insight that reminds me the journey never ends. How blessed I am to share the trail with you.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Michael
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Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
18 posted 2004-05-07 07:57 PM


You say much with few words in this piece but to call them anything less than fine would be an injustice.  

I am glad to see you experimenting with new styles Janet.  I'm glad to see your muse has returned intact also.  My muse never seemed to sing to me in the same style for any in depth period of time.  I always found it a joy to change things up.

Speaking of muses, you haven't seen mine have you?


Michael

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

19 posted 2004-05-07 09:33 PM


Kit-gator-girlie...     
thank you so much for the kind words, but much more than that...thank you for always faithfully coming in and finding my work and encouraging me.
I appreciate it more than these words convey.

Larry.... you make my heart smile... I wish I was half as wise and strong as you are,
you set the standard of example in handling heart loss with grace.
Thank you for all youve taught me.

Michael... do you know how awesome it is to find you here.  
thank you so much for the encouragement... I know as poets, in order to grow we have to try new things... step outside our comfort zone and play with the words...One of the gifts of pips is that we find inspiration to do so when we read other poets who write in certain style so well that it becomes their signature. As for muses, mine comes and goes...I've finally gotten to a place where I can live with the long silence between words...
As for YOUR muse... If its missing..
I will pay the ransome..
THAT muse is worth poetic gold.
  
Thank you M, very much.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado


Ratleader
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20 posted 2004-05-07 11:23 PM


Of fine words, you have MANY....these, for example. I wish you shared them more often, but I'm glad to have found these.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

21 posted 2004-05-08 07:38 AM


Ed ... and I'm glad you found them too.  
Thank you kind poet sir...so nice to see your name here. Hope to see more from you as well.


thanks again to all who shared your thoughts and spirit with me here.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado


RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

22 posted 2004-05-08 06:32 PM


PIPs isn't the same without your influence and attentions. I'll make you a deal....you write more often (wrasslin' with the muse) and I will.

This "excersize" in brevity was effective. Sparse melancholy write.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

23 posted 2004-05-09 10:49 AM


Richard...you make me an offer I cant refuse considering the impressive level of poetry you write. Its so nice to see your name back in the blue...I hope you will post some of your work soon. Thank you poet sir for the kind words.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado


Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
24 posted 2004-05-10 11:42 AM


the best dreams
are the ones with no paintings
on the walls behind
the love scenes

well done ms

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind
25 posted 2004-05-10 04:45 PM


Of fine words you are...and we? so lucky!
I play peek-a-boo every now and then in here....so glad I did!

~~**~~
le vent chante avec le calme doux
calme de nuit
sien beauté sur mes lèvres
~~**~~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

26 posted 2004-05-10 09:39 PM


Hey...its 2 of my groovies...DS-boyeeeee and L-girliegirl.

thank you guys... I appreciate your encouragement. So does me moooooody muse.

thanks to all who stopped by.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado


suthern
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since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
27 posted 2004-05-11 01:26 PM


Of scolding words, I have many....

Tell me again just WHY I had to stumble upon this??? LOL Don't you know my secret decoder ring is as old and decrepit as I am??? *G* It's not enough to have to wait on your muse... now we have to play hide and seek TOO??? LOL

You definitely deserve more grumbling... but your poem distracts me from that serious business and leads me straight into appreciation... and darn you... I was just getting started! *S*

I don't have to tell you how well I know the feelings you convey here so beautifully... but I will tell you I like seeing rhyme from your pen again. *S* And this doesn't lose any of its power with its brevity... Excellent work!!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

28 posted 2004-05-11 11:41 PM


ummmm...ummmm...
can I take the moth fifth???
my dog ate the email????
I couldnt see cuz the pretty blue flame was in my eye????
I'll gladly pay you on Tuesday for a poem today?????

OH COME ON... no mere moth can get in under Ruth-radar!!!!

Ok ok.... my bad....
I can only say sorry and put my muse in the corner for a month or so...hows that???



A FINE Scolding accounted for...(lmao)
also noted was the fine reply...thank you for the encouragement, as always you are gracious and kind to my mothy muse.
Thanks for tracking me down Ruthiegirl..
its not a party without you...youre the one that bakes the best cookies...and then there is those pickles.

I love you more the further I go ...
before this existence ... you were always here inside of me.

Nelly Furtado


Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
29 posted 2004-05-12 10:13 AM


Who said pickles?
Mysteria
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30 posted 2004-05-12 01:12 PM


Ah finally found it!  I guess I am like Bri, could have been longer JM, like two pages longer LOL.  I can't seem to get enough of you and have read the archives to death!  An exercise in being brief - you?  Well you succeeded that is for sure, and it said TONS in a little bit, so you passed Ron's class for sure.  I so identified with the last lines, that is why I am alone and loving it.  Richard got the verb right with his play on words -excersize-is good for you   

This place is kewl mothymama.

gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
31 posted 2004-06-01 08:58 AM


JM! Are you reading my mind???

nothing left to say but the truth...
~
Living without you ...
leaves me lacking even more.
~

Unfortunately, this brings tears to my eyes.

LIBRARY!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

32 posted 2004-06-01 05:18 PM


Sharon....please forgive me...I could have sworn I replied back to you....guess thats when my comp was freezing up.... thank you for your generous response and your encouragement. ... better be careful what you wish for...too much of me will give ya a headache.


Gem... great minds think and cry alike? thank you so much girlie...its so good to have you back.

Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793
on the roof again
33 posted 2007-09-29 08:56 AM


I've found that redundancy can really become an issue.

But if you ask me, that was one hell of a poetic sigh.

You capture this feeling of frustration and desperation of needing those perfect words. And while these may not be the words to pin down the feelings you have, they certainly capture the poetic journey perfectly.

Larry C
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Posts 10286
United States
34 posted 2009-01-22 10:53 AM


Dearest JM,
=============================================
Of fine words ... I have none ...
there'll be no verse born of setting sun.
No rhymes to align clouds in linen sky ...
No poetic sighs ... no words have I.


Still, what's left to say that
I haven't said before?


Steal the stars from night ...

                wake to a dawnless morn ...
                                
                                    take the tides from the shore ...


Living without you ...
leaves me lacking even more.
=============================================
And yet we both know that "Living with you" is what led us to the knowledge that left us "lacking even more." None of which we would ever trade. And so it is the knowing that you are there that encourages me to press on.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
35 posted 2009-01-22 03:34 PM


Thanks Larry, for bringing this back up so that I could read it again.  I miss you Janet Marie!!  
serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

36 posted 2009-01-22 06:59 PM


I, too, feel like Jan has never received proper worship.




Midnitesun
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Gaia
37 posted 2009-01-22 09:31 PM


Wow, I missed this one in 04, where the heck was I? Thanks for bringing it back for these eyes.
I sure do miss you, JM.

Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

38 posted 2010-07-21 12:20 PM


Goes to show...good things last a long time...

here I am visiting this all these years later and marveling at what you did with so few words... and wishing of course, we saw more of your words today.

if you ever drop in and see this, just know I hope things in your world are good... time knows no master, but we mere humans do.


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