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Expostulation and Reply

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Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 04-27-2004 12:31 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Expostulation and Reply

"Although I am a man of God
And cherish song and melody
I care not for this book of hymns
Particularily---"

In worship on the Sabbath day
A patron sitting next to me
Thus issued his complaint of hymns
With words like "thou" and "thee."

"It is the tongue of buried men!
Today," he said, "we're far advanced
From such unnecessary words!"
And tossed his hand askance----

"Not so," I said, "It is the tongue
Of people with a gentler sense:
When language was an object of
Our utmost reverence:

Remember when, to Noble men,
The serf cried 'You!' upon his knee;
How yet he pray'd a holy 'Thou'
Whispered in sanctity;

Or, when the poet saw the land,
Instead of gather it together
Cried out 'Thou!' and drew it in
For a more intimate endeavour;

And Smith, when with the vulgar tongue
He spun the wisdom 'Ich und Du'
From Buber's mind, wrote 'I and Thou!'
For intimacy, too---

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.

We men, whose minds are less inclined
To put our numbers in suspension
Measure every utterance
To intellectual discretion,

And murder to dissect the tongue
Which had been lovely and ornate
When Chaucer dubbed it capable
To render and create---

Did not the Lord instruct His men
To build with stones untouched by steel?
Thus we have made bricks of our words,
And strayed from God's ideal.

So challenge not the book of Hymns
That sings with love obediently
Much rather than deny itself
Such words as 'thou' and 'thee.'"
© Copyright 2004 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 04-27-2004 07:26 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.

We men, whose minds are less inclined
To put our numbers in suspension
Measure every utterance
To intellectual discretion,

===================================

The theme and intended message of inspire of this, is more brilliant than a mere moth of my non-intellect could ever do justice to.
These two verses speak volumes..the same volumes those who seem to believe they set the standards, would want to silence.


But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.



Somewhere...Shakespeare smiles at you....


Outstanding write Brian.  
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


2 posted 04-27-2004 08:49 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

I agree..outstanding.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


3 posted 04-27-2004 08:55 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I kept looking for a special stanza
to bring here, in tribute...

but it's so well strung together,
I didn't want the pearls to scatter

so just know I love this one,
and have libraried it for your posterity!

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen?  Keeping in mind, I must stand close...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 04-27-2004 05:06 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

You are a rare and remarkable person of extraordinary talent.

(cute, too!)

I'm keeping this one, LP.

I love it.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


5 posted 04-28-2004 06:15 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Came back to take this one in again, didnt have a lot of time before and this impressive write needs to be sipped slow and its finesse savored.  

As always...your mastery of vocabulary and language stand out, you consistantly find the perfect poetic phrasing to showcase your consumate verbiage. ... then, of course one has to admire your control of meter and cadence...which you blend together all the above componets with seamless constance.

But for me...the real impact of this gem is its inspire and theme...the whole play on words and analogy....
Coming to the defense of this art form that you have made your own....
now just how cool can you be.  


"Not so," I said, "It is the tongue
Of people with a gentler sense:
~~~When language was an object of
Our utmost reverence:~~~

Remember when, to Noble men,
The serf cried 'You!' upon his knee;
~~~How yet he pray'd a holy 'Thou'
Whispered in sanctity;~~~

Or, when the poet saw the land,
Instead of gather it together
~~~Cried out 'Thou!' and drew it in
For a more intimate endeavour;~~~



and this verse.......

Did not the Lord instruct His men
To build with stones untouched by steel?
Thus we have made bricks of our words,
And strayed from God's ideal.



its such an awesome analogy and point made...
me thinks you should be a poetry lawyer. lol


oh and btw--
you aint wrote a brick in your life. *L*


but its these verses that are the heart of the write..they hold the intend and define the theme....

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
~~~But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.~~

We men, whose minds are less inclined
To put our numbers in suspension
~~~Measure every utterance
To intellectual discretion,~~~


and?...they just flat out rock.


Which had been lovely and ornate


yes... your poetry is indeed that...lovely and ornate...and intellectually impressive.
I do so love the way your mind works.
Good to read you again LP...missed your poetry and your presence around here....no one reads between the moth's lines like the groovy bug dude.  
Hope life is treating you well Bri-guy.




... and it's you ... you ... you ... you ...
the light changes when you're in the room.

M.B.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


6 posted 04-28-2004 06:24 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

"yeah," grin, "what she said!"



sheesh
Kit McCallum
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since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


7 posted 04-29-2004 04:28 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

One of the many things I have admired in your writing Brian, is your ability to bring this noble and time-honored language to a place within the present, where it flows as beautifully through your pen, as it did in the days with which it was common day.

You have a true skill in this, and one that is distinctive and highly regarded from my vantage.  You are a connoisseur of language richly rooted in our history. I enjoyed the flow in this, and your clever defense of that which you speak.

Did I say you do it beautifully?  Well you do well written Brian. I very much enjoyed this.  

Best wishes,
/Kit
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


8 posted 04-29-2004 11:22 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Brian

As always, I am very impressed with you.  
Jeffrey Carter
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Member Elite
since 04-08-2000
Posts 2424
State of constant confusion!


9 posted 05-03-2004 02:25 PM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

quote:
You have a true skill in this, and one that is distinctive and highly regarded from my vantage.  You are a connoisseur of language richly rooted in our history. I enjoyed the flow in this, and your clever defense of that which you speak.

Yup, What she said!
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


10 posted 05-07-2004 07:50 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Brian,

This is a wonderful piece.  I read it a few days ago and did not have ample time to reply.  I still don't but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate the poignancy as well as the theme.  The English language indeed has been butchered for the sake of simplicity, as has poetry for the sake of convenience.  

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered


Great stanza there.


Michael
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


11 posted 05-09-2004 10:09 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

This is an interesting poem to be sure.  It provokes a great many issues and perhaps even thorns in the sides of some(in keeping with this apparent theme of using traditionally Christian language in discussing your subject matter).  Since I am too lazy at this time to write my own poetic response(and I believe that it might be fun to have a bit of a game in which poets write a conversation of poems on a topic) you might like to look at Blake's poem "The Garden of Love," to see how some might see the "thou" language as being less than tender.

A good thought provoking and dare I say even fun poem from you, Allan.  I will be adding this to my library for further study.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Ringo
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since 02-20-2003
Posts 3696
Saluting with misty eyes


12 posted 05-09-2004 10:57 AM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

I normally don't go for the rhyming poems... however with this I make a severe exception. It is very well done, and a very good read.
Thought provoking, and well written.
Definately one of your best.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
http://www.cmlb.net/ringo

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