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Passions in Poetry

St. Valentine's Wine ( repost from open#10)

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Jamie
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


0 posted 02-13-2004 07:51 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

I met St. Valentine some time ago
He poured me some wine and said drink it slow
Drink to your life and its hopes of love grand
Drink to the wife that soon by you will stand
The time will be short and then you shall weep
There will be no port for a love so deep
You will not love twice he said as he turned
So you know the price of a love so yearned
The choice now is yours to love or to not
Before you two doors one cold and one hot
A season of heat or cloaks for the heart
Love short and sweet and regret long and tart
     Looking back I know I made the right choice
     For my heart did grow and learned to rejoice


There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

© Copyright 2004 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1 posted 02-13-2004 08:46 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Jamie?  I like!  Thank you!
Jamie
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


2 posted 02-14-2004 05:47 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

and, Thank you

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

inot2B
Member Elite
since 09-18-2000
Posts 2272
Alabama


3 posted 02-14-2004 07:12 PM       View Profile for inot2B   Email inot2B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inot2B

Very nice, and fitting for this time of year.

Happy Valentine's Day to you.
Vagabond
Member
since 01-23-2004
Posts 171


4 posted 02-16-2004 08:15 AM       View Profile for Vagabond   Email Vagabond   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Vagabond

friday the 13th was a better day

Vagabon the Lost One

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 04-27-2004 12:01 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

A nice piece of poetry.  I'd work on the iambic pentameter, if I were you---it seems like you're one of those who was misinformed about the guidelines of writing a sonnet.

Although the arrangement of rhyme isn't such a bad thing.  It might be useful to mix it up somewhat, so that the lines seem a little more co-operative and the themes a bit more rhythmic, instead of a simple aa-bb-cc-dd.  Try Shakespeare's or Petrarch's sonnet format, or Spenser's if you're confident with your rhyming ability.

All in all a rather enjoyable read... it's nice to see people bringing back older forms in newer contexts.  Kudos.

Brian

http://www.livejournal.com/~new_formalism

 
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