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St. Valentine's Wine ( repost from open#10)
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St. Valentine's Wine ( repost from open#10) |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven 
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I met St. Valentine some time ago He poured me some wine and said drink it slow Drink to your life and its hopes of love grand Drink to the wife that soon by you will stand The time will be short and then you shall weep There will be no port for a love so deep You will not love twice he said as he turned So you know the price of a love so yearned The choice now is yours to love or to not Before you two doors one cold and one hot A season of heat or cloaks for the heart Love short and sweet and regret long and tart Looking back I know I made the right choice For my heart did grow and learned to rejoice There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Jamie? I like! Thank you! |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
and, Thank you  JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
Very nice, and fitting for this time of year. Happy Valentine's Day to you. |
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Vagabond Member
since 2004-01-23
Posts 163 |
friday the 13th was a better day Vagabon the Lost One |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
A nice piece of poetry. I'd work on the iambic pentameter, if I were you---it seems like you're one of those who was misinformed about the guidelines of writing a sonnet. Although the arrangement of rhyme isn't such a bad thing. It might be useful to mix it up somewhat, so that the lines seem a little more co-operative and the themes a bit more rhythmic, instead of a simple aa-bb-cc-dd. Try Shakespeare's or Petrarch's sonnet format, or Spenser's if you're confident with your rhyming ability. All in all a rather enjoyable read... it's nice to see people bringing back older forms in newer contexts. Kudos. Brian |
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