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Passions in Poetry

Hotel Key

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Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


0 posted 12-17-2003 11:13 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Alicat

A hotel tag I keep in the drawer
no number there, nor on the key
which fits, as far as I've seen, no door.
But still I keep it close to me.

It's in the drawer, below boxers and socks,
Corroding gently against the grain.
The blank metal opens no locks
just sits there leaving brownish stain.

One day I know that things will change
When empty is found life's cup.
When figures on the plastic arrange
That's when my room number comes up.

Alicat
12-17-03
© Copyright 2003 Alastair Adamson - All Rights Reserved
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


1 posted 12-18-2003 03:01 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

you never cease to surprise me, Alicat.  I loved the thought provoking aspect of this piece.. it really made me ponder things.
fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


2 posted 12-18-2003 10:11 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Cool poem, a nice idea.  You've started with some object - the key - and expanded on it to deal with the ultimate inevitability of death, this inevitability quite possibly contrasting with the idea that the key will never find its "number."  

I did find that your transition to the discussion of death was a little too abrupt.  Further, you could have added an "a" to the final line of the second stanza without terribly upseting your iambic quatrameter.  

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


3 posted 12-19-2003 10:05 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Thanks Allysa.

Fractal, yeah it was a bit abrupt, but by design, and I do have a penchant for dropping articles. Just my way, I reckon.
Thanks for the critique.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


4 posted 10-21-2004 04:46 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

A hotel tag I keep in the drawer
no number there, nor on the key
which fits, as far as I've seen, no door.
But still I keep it close to me.

~*~

Ali, may I share a story?  An uncle by marriage took as his second wife a charming women who had seen her fair share of good and bad in life.  They were very much in love, and she, all dressed in pink, from hat to shoes and accessories...looked forward to their honeymoon in Kansas City...

So much in love was she with him, that when he passed on a few years ago, she aged rapidly and declined to speak much again.  Just a few months ago...she passed away.  When we went to the viewing, there she was, looking almost as young again as the day they married, in her pink wedding dress...purse...and in the purse, was the key to their honeymoon suite...

Just thought I would share...

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


5 posted 10-25-2004 09:37 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

I love your story addition, Karilea

~smiling~
M
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


6 posted 10-01-2006 01:48 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

I know the very room....it is the key to a memory, a very special one that doesn't need to open, because part of you lives there.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

 
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