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Passions in Poetry

Another Sonnet

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fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


0 posted 12-05-2003 02:05 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for fractal007

The Boogeyman Plays the Part of a Disturbed Reductionist Postmodern Child
Of Divorcing Parents Experiencing Anew the Fights Downstairs


The boogeyman can be explained -- the ancestral screams
of guys in trees, their arms wrapped around
the bark for fear of death below in dreams.
They could not cover their ears and evade the sound
of mom and dad downstairs voicing their themes
of anger while listening ears upstairs abound.
I learned of marriage and love, and how it redeems
the stuff in marriage I know will reside and resound,
through the years -- a new boogeyman, it seems.
So I'll sit up here and write my book to astound
my untamed future self and its suppressive regimes
and its sadistic passionate blood-soaked ground.
I'll have a passage for each day, a new page
where I'll experience anew the source of my rage.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

© Copyright 2003 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


1 posted 12-06-2003 03:51 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

I can see why the title was included as part of the sonnet instead of in the title space.


As for the sonnet, the repition of 'ound' and 'eems' in the alternating tercets was very good, though the meter wandered between four and seven beats. Also, the foot was inconsistent, going from trochaic to iambic from line to line sans design, although this could all be intentional variance from the classical sonnet forms.

The subject was definately modern, as well as timeless: another's outside-inside view of marital friction, and the baggage, or bogeyman, carried in one's mind and on one's back until such time as the extra weight is dropped.

For additional information, check out http://www.poeticbyway.com/glossary.html , which can also be found at netpoets.com in the writer's help area. That site has some very good information and definitions which I've found invaluable.

Alicat
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 12-15-2003 03:19 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I agree about the foot inconsistencies and would have enjoyed this poem a lot more had I not read it under the promise of a "sonnet."  Call it something else and I'll be happier.  

The rhyming is indeed very interesting and yet it seems like you've written it well without letting it tie you down in any way whatsoever.  I think you did that nicely, even if the flow frustrated me.  I probably would have enjoyed this more had I read it as spoken, rather than trying to instill a lyrical element to the flow which you'd clearly neglected.

As for the meaning, don't let all that yelling get you down, and what's more, don't let it make up the bulk of your written work.  There are more important things to write about, and nobody likes a Sylvia Plath.  

Take care,
Brian

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


3 posted 12-16-2003 11:18 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Alan et Al:

Thanks for the replies.  Unfortunately, I suppose I was not quite as stringent with form as I ought to have been.  However, I am glad that my tight rhyming scheme worked well here.  

I've some time off now for the holidays during which I can finally cry about all the things that went wrong academically this year.  So, hope to see u all around here more frequently.  Maybe I'll try and write another disturbed sonnet, but this time more stringent and true with the flow.  

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

 
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