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Passions in Poetry

Magic Eightball World

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Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


0 posted 10-27-2003 01:26 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Allysa

Squish and wish away
the colors, the stars, the trees
but what are you to do
when there's the absence of black and white,
when all you touch is gray.

Answer my questions, she whispers softly
because the others do not
or would not, could not, or should not
she simply requests their truth.

What are the rules, she asks
to loving someone?
What do you have to do
to deserve their love?

If you live for all the rainbows
and the colors of the night sky
and the key to all the secrets
would it be enough
to live without love?

Wish and wash away
the secrets, the laughter, the smiles
but what are you to do
when there's the absence of black and white
when all you touch is gray.

Can you shake the world hard enough
to pry away an answer more sufficient
than the simple "ask me later"?
© Copyright 2003 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 10-27-2003 11:06 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

what a very cool poem...I love the magic 8 ball theme of inspire and the way you played it out..youve used a very cool collage of images and personifications, and mixed them in with poetic questions to express the emotions. This is a wonderfully unique write.


Squish and wish away
the colors, the stars, the trees
but what are you to do
when there's the absence of black and white,
when all you touch is gray.

==============================
Great opening verse...
I love that mix of nature's colors and images
and the abstract of the last 2 lines.
I was wondering what the "squish" was referring to? ( artist's paint tubes, perhaps?) It stuck out a bit to me...
the latter verse was smoother with the "wish and wash" but it may have signficant meaning to you.


Answer my questions, she whispers softly
because the others do not
or would not, could not, or should not
she simply requests their truth.

What are the rules, she asks
to loving someone?
What do you have to do
to deserve their love?

=========================

The conversation/dialogue is perfect here to create the conflict and emotional drama...and is needed to work the idea behind the 8 ball predictions.
Very cool

If you live for all the rainbows
and the colors of the night sky
and the key to all the secrets
would it be enough
to live without love?

======================
love the longing this verse creates and the imagery as well.

Wish and wash away
the secrets, the laughter, the smiles
but what are you to do
when there's the absence of black and white
when all you touch is gray.

==================================
as the verse before...the last 2 lines are such a cool part of this poems surreal impact. And the use of the repetative verse
worked, it could have even been the closing verse.

Can you shake the world hard enough
to pry away an answer more sufficient
than the simple "ask me later"?

=======================================

but this was the poetically perfect ending...bringing the whole theme and extended metaphor to completion while adding a touch of irony and bittersweet reality to the emotional outcome.

I love the originality of this write...
very well done poetess Allysa

You're the color of the sky reflected in each store-front window pane ...
You're the whispering and the sighing of my tires in the rain.

J. Browne

 
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