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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2003-10-01 09:43 PM

been a while...heartache and pain....

i wake up reaching for your eyes that i see in front of me...
in the middle of the coldest nights your body is there
all my tears are falling for you as i smile through them
into my dirty mirror...it's filled with so many
shadows, i only wish
sleep comes to me haunting me with your image
in and out i fall every half hour is another blessing
your not there...therefore i feel alone, you'll never be there
therefore i am
staring at your words..tracing writing with my fingers
your lips are there with them, speaking each with precision...
i've always spiraled...you weren't ever around
got caught in myself...in my dirty mirror
only my reflection sees you with me

alone i see nothing beside me

but in my dreams...i can watch you while you sleep
now it all makes sense to you

i want to feel your arms around me...safe from the edges

if only once
** the hardest thing in life is to watch the one you love, love somebody else...especially when that person is your bestfriend **

* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes *

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-01-2003 09:44 PM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

1 posted 2003-10-15 12:27 PM

staring at your words..tracing writing with my fingers
your lips are there with them, speaking each with precision...
i've always spiraled...you weren't ever around
got caught in myself...in my dirty mirror
only my reflection sees you with me

==================================

hauntingly beautiful emotions expressed with a depth of longing and honesty that leaves the reader wanting to make the pain go away.
the poetic employ of the mirror worked well in this, powerful writing poetess Riley.

every time I talk to you its over too soon
every day feels incomplete till you walk into the room
just say the words, I'll jump that moon.

D.Gray

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2003-10-15 12:32 PM

janet marie- thank you so much for your kind words....ahhh the pain of being 14. liking the guy next door...its crazy..

thanks once again

ri

* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes *

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2003-10-15 03:38 PM

Riley,

I do like your attempt to pass on your experience and pain to your reader, but I think you should beware of your perspective a little bit.

I wish you'd be more concrete. The mirror could use some more detail, as could the person next to you. My favourite thing about your writing is on vacation in this poem, but then again, cathartic poetry doesn't easily allow for interpretive value.

Hope all turns out for the better, Ri...

Brian

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

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