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Passions in Poetry

R.E.M.

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Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


0 posted 10-01-2003 07:35 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Wind


forgotten music,
still pounds in half closed eyes

no sleep tonight,
only
the cracked window
of lonely room.

Who will hide from the light?
Who will stand in the half-shadows of sleep?
I know a girl that tumbles into abyss each night,
one sheet covers her skin
but she gets colder every day.

parasomniac
with sweat-drenched thoughts--
awakens to the sound of the
alarm.
smoke sieves though a door,
locked in fear
of fear itself

I cannot
tell you what she dreamt,
only
the snow--
suffocating the crumbleing walls
doesn't want to be felt anymore

winter is not dieing
but metamorphosis,
the butterfly as
helpless
as the worm.

(ughh...Liz tries to be subtle. I try. so...help would be appreciated. heh...you know. so I can learn.)


And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

[This message has been edited by Wind (10-01-2003 08:40 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


1 posted 10-02-2003 08:11 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Liz... help? as in what? This has some interesting images and the idea or central theme seems solid. I struggle a bit with all you are trying to say and with a bit of the mixed images used. Smoke and snow for example can be tied together, but the transition from one to the other here seems abrubt...without the connecting pieces or words.
Exactly what you want to convey is the main driver..and without the insight into your thoughts it is hard to say whether you were successful or not..

(chuckling) listing out brat behavior....
you are indeed a super brat!!

bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 10-02-2003 01:14 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I'm with Ron. There's nothing to fix.
Wind
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Member Elite
since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


3 posted 10-02-2003 03:26 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

eh...the smoke and the snow are the same thing....I guess thats what you are asking? It does seem confusing but then again I wrote it pretty late at night. thos things allways seem different than they really are. The transformation it...its really kind of strange but the transformation has to do with the fear and sleep....like changing the way things are seen.

I suppose what I mean is this: when I was litlle I used to be afraid of the dark. I said that when I was bigger, I would overcome these fears and came out with more. the smoke is all imagination, or supposedly part of the nightmare. There were a few lines that I deleted that could have helped tie them together but I deleted them.
I like to make people guess. glad you guys enjoyed it though.

[This message has been edited by Wind (10-02-2003 03:31 PM).]

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


4 posted 10-02-2003 08:19 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

Liz you always keep us guessing..great write leave it alone
Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-07-2003
Posts 3888
where the wild flowers grow


5 posted 10-03-2003 02:34 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

It's like, if you reach for the last cookie, I'll smack your hand..

Don't change it.
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


6 posted 10-03-2003 03:03 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Hey, that title is perfect!! *applauds*
I hope you have sweet dreams occassionally Liz...

Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^

Love - Lynne

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 07-09-2000
Posts 2238
Baltimore, MD


7 posted 10-03-2003 03:07 AM       View Profile for Ceinwyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ceinwyn

pretty much I'm with them...I see nothing wrong...

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

 
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