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Passions in Poetry

Union (retitled, slightly revised)

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Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 09-16-2003 03:48 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

In Winter, in the urban age of Death
  Roll'd through contaminated snow the tires
  Of muted thought, of isolated pyres
Snuff'd silently and sprawl'd with mocking breadth;
Humiliation hath no sister trait:
  In silence, still upon its lonely task
   A solitary snowdrop downward stared
To the bright yellow-splashèd realm of Hate
  Suspended in an apprehensive mask
   Its toes curl'd inward, through the hazy dark it fared.

The visage of the ostentatious realm
  Of paradoxic paradise compell'd
  My vision through the window-seat, and held
Me with its promise, and did overwhelm
My virgin senses with encroaching aim;
  There, in the sleepy drift of hazel white,
   The love of my digestive mind stood firm,
Aloof, as all about her, flakes did frame
  Her icèd features with uncertain plight
   And ravaged her immensely, as barbaric worms.

She caught mine eye in its voracious guilt
  I shied it backward---daring not t'offend
  The languid form, whose tear-ducts did intend
Great aspirations, but no legions spilt
For individual fear, intimidation
  Shone from the frost-illuminated moon
   And dared them only yield to midnight's chill;
Her vision held true, and no aberration
  Kept her from me---I, from my perch, did swoon
   To venture forward and my lofty goal fulfill.

A thousand eyes espied our rendevous
  And each the thousand fearfully declined
  Acknowledgement---she, meek and pure, resigned
Her inhibitions, and towards me threw
Herself, with mighty weeps of joy and loss,
  Our eyes, despite the high, foreboding powers
   Met in a blurr'd and crystalline display;
I clasp'd her fingers to scare back the frost
  To its unwelcome den of tedious hours
    And each into ourselves we sent the fiend away.

Thus all about, the dizzy curse dispell’d
  And dissapated---there, where once were scars
  Fell vigorous bright snow---the weary cars
New mirth displaid, new destinations held
Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes
  Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard
   Remindful of the innocent appeal
That once (in times the human mind forgets)
  Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard
   The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal.

So, too, her eyelids flutter’d in release
  Like a fresh-birthèd infant first arous’d
  From its eternal void---they beauty hous’d;
Beauty, which in its purest form, is Peace---
So, as a Peacèd being would, she woke
  To view what once she’d never seen---and I
   From either greed or curiousity
Caught her at once, a knowing gaze, and spoke
  Sweet, soothing preminitions that would dry
   The icèd, teary smile that serenaded me.

If Sadness is the root of human Love
  We knew it there, and unity abound
  From the snow-coated garden in the ground
To the traversing cumuli above;
All in an instant, conflict and dismay
  Dissolved and fell in strands---we paid no heed
   From our high-vantage point, despite the show
Of colours, never vibrant quite as they,
  And sounds supreme of all that did precede---
   Our mutuality was all we wish'd to know.

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-17-2003 03:43 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


1 posted 09-16-2003 05:43 AM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Wow, Brian...so that's why I haven't seen you
around in awhile...you've been busy...  

This is absolutely gorgeous...you DO know that, right?
I loved every bit of it as I read, and I'll be coming
back to it later, when I'm not so tired, for another read...
or several, and will likely have more to say about it then.

Brian...your talent never ceases to amaze and impress.
You just get better and better.

Wonderfully penned, poet.  

When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (09-16-2003 05:48 AM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 09-16-2003 07:26 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Thus all about, the dizzy curse dispell’d
  And dissapated---there, where once were scars
  Fell vigorous bright snow---the weary cars
New mirth displaid, new destinations held
Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes
  Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard

    Remindful of the innocent appeal
That once (in times the human mind forgets)
  Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard
    The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal.


===============================

yessssssssss
oh yessssss yesssss yesssss.

the moth will be back.
missed you round here groovy guy

"If you hear teardrops falling like rain on the rooftops ...
know what you're listening to ... is me missing you."

JH

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 09-16-2003 01:20 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Have I ever mentioned that sometimes I feel so stupid even attempting to anaylze your poetry...sheesh...youre just too bright for this moth.

Ok....lets see if I can make any sense while blinded by the light

In silence, still upon its lonely task
    A solitary snowdrop downward stared
To the bright yellow-splashèd realm of Hate
  Suspended in an apprehensive mask
    Its toes curl'd inward, through the hazy dark it fared.

============================
How can I not love the personifi here...
and how the verse sets the whole tone of the poem...you set up the theme with a hauntingly lovely winter white back drop of imagery and edge of Poe darkness.
Surreal and vivid.
------------

The visage of the ostentatious realm
  Of paradoxic paradise compell'd

==================
ahh the vocab and alliterations


  My vision through the window-seat, and held
Mine own attention, and did overwhelm
My virgin senses with encroaching aim;
  There, in the sleepy drift of hazel white,
    The love of my digestive mind stood firm,
Aloof, as all about her, flakes did frame
  Her icèd features with uncertain plight
    And ravaged her immensely, as barbaric worms.

================
I loved this verse till I got to the worms..
not sure I get the intend there...how they fit with the imagery or what the analogy is.
care to enlighten the dense moth? *S*
---------------

She caught mine eye in its voracious guilt
  I shied it backward---daring not t'offend
  The languid form, whose tear-ducts did intend
Great aspirations, but no legions spilt
For individual fear, intimidation
  Shone from the frost-illuminated moon
    And dared them only yield to midnight's chill;
Her vision held true, and no aberration
  Kept her from me---I, from my perch, did swoon
    To venture forward and my lofty goal fulfill.

A thousand eyes espied our rendevous
  And each the thousand fearfully declined
  Acknowledgement---she, meek and pure, resigned
Her inhibitions, and towards me threw
Herself, with mighty weeps of joy and loss,
  Our eyes, despite the high, foreboding powers
    Met in a blurr'd and crystalline display;
I clasp'd her fingers to scare back the frost
  To its unwelcome den of tedious hours
     And each into ourselves we sent the fiend away.

====================

These verses picks up the pace ... creates the intensity...like a snowstorm building, and deepens the emotional conflict and drama of the write... very cool the way you mastered that.
-----------------

Thus all about, the dizzy curse dispell’d
  And dissapated---there, where once were scars
  Fell vigorous bright snow---the weary cars
New mirth displaid, new destinations held
Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes
  Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard
    Remindful of the innocent appeal
That once (in times the human mind forgets)
  Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard
    The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal.

================
I absolutely adore is verse...
the imagery is stunning..the winter theme is done to poetic perfection as are the personifications...

Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes
  Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard


how cool is that...lovely lovely!!
-------------
    

So, too, her eyelids flutter’d in release
  Like a fresh-birthèd infant first arous’d
  From its eternal void---they beauty hous’d;
Beauty, which in its purest form, is Peace---
So, as a Peacèd being would, she woke
  To view what once she’d never seen---and I
    From either greed or curiousity
Caught her at once, a knowing gaze, and spoke
  Sweet, soothing preminitions that would dry
    The icèd, teary smile that serenaded me.

If Sadness is the root of human Love
  We knew it there, and unity abound
  From the snow-coated garden in the ground
To the traversing cumuli above;
All in an instant, conflict and dismay
  Dissolved and fell in strands---we paid no heed
    From our high-vantage point, despite our view
Of colours, never vibrant quite as they,
  And sounds supreme of all that did precede---
    Our mutuality, our taste, was all we knew.

======================

Love the way you carried theme and all out to the end with such expressive vocabulary and imagery..and you give the conflict the needed closure that makes this kind of write
successful. And as always, your muse of Winter graces your pen with such impressive images...and of course, the cadence and rhyme are awesome...reading you aloud is mouth candy.

So good to fly in your flame groovy guy...
I always learn from you...and ya know how I love that.

Let me know if you have a bit of free time when classes and the lasses arent taking up all your attention. LOL
I wanted to pick your poetic mind..but only if your not stressed for time with life.

"If you see lonely, clear skies turning stormy ...
Lightning strikes and all you see is blue ... this is me missing you"

JH

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


4 posted 09-16-2003 01:33 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Brian, your words make me want to weep -- for their joy, for their beauty, for their hard-won resolutions couched in snowy language.

God man, get published already. Race ya.
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


5 posted 09-16-2003 02:51 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

For what it's worth:

You have a darn awesome way of bringing tears to my eyes with each piece that you write.  Your words are wonderous and they never cease to amaze me.  This is irrelevent, but this piece made me see color, see shades, see angles, for everything.  I'd say it was an epiphany, but that might just be me being cheesy.

I've fallen in love with your closing lines:

If Sadness is the root of human Love
We knew it there, and unity abound
From the snow-coated garden in the ground
to the traveling cumuli above;
All in an instant, conflict and dismay
Dissolved and fell in strands---we paid no heed
From out high vantage point, despite our view
of colours, never vibrant quite as they,
and sounds supreme of all that did precede---
our mutuality, our taste, was all we knew.


Wow, again.  This was chilling.  I have something I would like to ask of you, but perhaps that shall wait for another day.

Until your next...

Alyssa

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


6 posted 09-16-2003 03:13 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

L@ved the whole thing and great to see you on these pages again. These stood out for me, you know being so old the mind forgets (grins), but yes there are moments like these to remind.

Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes
  Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard
    Remindful of the innocent appeal
That once (in times the human mind forgets)
  Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard
    The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


7 posted 09-17-2003 01:42 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Brian,

O weathered soul
in desperate respite
An angel beckons
upon soundless night
A ray of hope
pure driven snow
Untold beauty
thy do bestow
It is this vison
of black and white
a sudden decision
within such night
When all asleep
beneath grey sky
two souls abound
with endless cry
And in their song
and innocent release
I spied a change
of season decease
For what once was
and seen as is
Holds now a passing
a pilgrimage
beyond this world
endlessly bound
where grey is replaced
by sight and sound
Alas, one soul
with spying eye
fell upon
an angel's cry

Brian . . .
this is infinite . . .
I adore this and the both of you
*smiling*
Just absolutely surreal
xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (09-17-2003 01:45 PM).]

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 09-07-2000
Posts 1972
Ann Arbor, MI


8 posted 09-19-2003 07:51 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Child of the Stars

Beautiful, Brian...and not a word too long.

  ~Carly

"How inimitably graceful children are in general before they learn to dance!"
           --Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


9 posted 09-19-2003 09:03 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


With greatest sincerity,
I woulds't agree
we are in the grayest mist
of a soul born prodigy...

with all due respect...



and the young man I once knew?

Kudos...
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


10 posted 09-20-2003 09:05 AM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

A thousand eyes espied our rendevous
  And each the thousand fearfully declined

I wouldn't try to analize this for fear of looking stupidthough...

I'm not usualy smart enough. you have such a great style and perfect meter. This had some wonderfull images

and lol at JM- I liked the worms verse

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


11 posted 09-20-2003 10:42 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

No mere words can begin to describe the beauty of what this piece holds...

Susan
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


12 posted 09-20-2003 10:42 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

Sorry, must click.
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


13 posted 09-20-2003 02:18 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

“Humiliation hath no sister trait:
  In silence, still upon its lonely task
   A solitary snowdrop downward stared”

“Our eyes, despite the high, foreboding powers
   Met in a blurr'd and crystalline display;
I clasp'd her fingers to scare back the frost
  To its unwelcome den of tedious hours
    And each into ourselves we sent the fiend away.”

“So, too, her eyelids flutter’d in release
  Like a fresh-birthèd infant first arous’d
  From its eternal void---they beauty hous’d;
Beauty, which in its purest form, is Peace---“

“If Sadness is the root of human Love
  We knew it there, and unity abound
  From the snow-coated garden in the ground”

~*~

Brian … my goodness … this pretty much took my breath away. Beautifully written. This poem flowed with an energy unlike anything I’ve read of late. The phrasing is marvelous and visual. This is a wonderfully descriptive piece, and for this my friend, you get a standing ovation. Well done indeed!

Best wishes,
/Kit
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


14 posted 09-20-2003 05:06 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

You achieve things with language that would normally require a tongue.

(That IS a compliment, Brian. *winks*)

I don't have to tell you your meter is perfect. And you KNEW I'd love the allusions to Blake, and there are others that are familiar to me, that have been bugging me, but I just can't place them...

You took the nature metaphors and avoided a trite or cliche'd use of them--quite an achievement that. As always you maintain a formal style that is never stilted, but musical, and quite hypnotic when read aloud.

You've got the "stuff" lovie, that's for sure. I'm still convinced you are a time traveller.

This one is like a thanksgiving feast my friend. Impossible to take it all in at once, but I promise you, I'm keeping this--to nibble at time and time again.

And YES, expect a grilling from me sometime soon. (I'm still on couch duty alas, but I'll be back soon.)

You are the brilliant one my friend.



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