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becomes

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Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


0 posted 09-05-2003 12:07 AM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Aenimal

death becomes me
contentions kill
what hopes remain
as i exhume
what best lay buried

purpose
corroded by the pine
of self-reflection
no longer pacified
in hermitage

in an empty
sleepless bed
another piece dies
© Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved
Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-07-2003
Posts 3888
where the wild flowers grow


1 posted 09-05-2003 12:11 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

The worst part is
I understand this..

The best part is
I understand this..

Great write, Raph, always.

*hug*
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


2 posted 09-05-2003 03:51 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

ahhh your wordplays are amazing Raph
*smiling here*

but this:

what best lay buried

(well I will just keep my mouth
shut, you already know what will
come out of it)

death becomes me . . . beautiful line
xxoo

gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


3 posted 09-06-2003 01:50 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

hermit.

get back under yer rock.
a fine ode to hermitism you tfaisedwancheeeer.

  

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


4 posted 09-06-2003 03:27 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

3 gracious replies from three people i know understand and of course gem wanting to show me her butt..what else is new? lmao
Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 07-09-2000
Posts 2238
Baltimore, MD


5 posted 09-15-2003 10:41 PM       View Profile for Ceinwyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ceinwyn

I missed this..dreadfully sorry...that's what I get when I'm consumed by work and stuff...another piece dies...gawd I wish I could come up with something witty and intelligent but uhh only if I could spell it tonite!..yeah..but it's me we're talking about...

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (09-15-2003 10:41 PM).]

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


6 posted 09-16-2003 03:45 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Your form is definitely improving, Raph.  I'm actually starting to like your poetry, as you're starting to introduce a unique element to it.  You're learning style, and it's wonderful to see.

You might not want to start your poem with a cliche, though.  I know first lines are a pain in the ass, so what I usually do is write an entire introductory stanza just to get myself going and refuse to care about its quality, then when I'm done, just scrap the whole damn thing.  Hey, it works for me.

Haven't talked to you in a long time.  Hope you're well, old dude.

Brian

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


7 posted 09-16-2003 01:25 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Stanzas as nooses.
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


8 posted 09-16-2003 03:09 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

thanks Kris

thanks Bri, believe it or not we agree on poetry. Never liked the beginning of this but posted it anyway, that's where critiques come in though few ever offer them. I'm well and i'll swing by one of these nights and hey,how about a post?

grins mike
 
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