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Passions in Poetry

I Have Paved Roads For You.

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Kaoru
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Member Elite
since 06-07-2003
Posts 3888
where the wild flowers grow


0 posted 08-15-2003 03:13 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Kaoru


I have paved
roads for you.

The undeniable smell
of pavement on your skin.

I've shown you proof
of my weakness.

A bitter advantage, you have.

Though
never streaked such
clouds upon my sky.

Never admired
the birds I'd painted upon it.

Trust, according to me,
is a boundless thing..

And you have crossed the line.
© Copyright 2003 Meghan Armitage - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 08-15-2003 03:48 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

bittersweet message here---

the couplets worked really well, especially the ending--which strayed from form--that swapped it in for a punch.

The metaphors were great--but left me wondering about "more".

So?

I'll just be patient, and wait for more.

In the meantime? I like the way yer aura grows.
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


2 posted 08-15-2003 01:20 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

"Trust, according to me,
is a boundless thing..

And you have crossed the line."

Those lines sealed the deal for me...

Susan


Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


3 posted 08-15-2003 06:05 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

This is the most elegant FU i've ever read..adore it
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


4 posted 08-15-2003 07:30 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

I really enjoyed this - it is subtle and supple.  I too, enjoyed the last lines, very  nicely put.
Allysa
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since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


5 posted 08-16-2003 12:15 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

I enjoyed this bunches... very subtle but very good.
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


6 posted 08-16-2003 10:42 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

I know that path quite well and the line you speak of is crossed ONCE
love the punch indeed Kaoru
xxoo
gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


7 posted 08-18-2003 06:47 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

Why oh why oh why.

I told the person i was in love with, how much i trusted him, how weak and out of control, yet so in control i felt, how i trusted him like family.

and to think that he knew, my every thought, my every insecurity and strength, and became someone I know i could never trust with my heart again, breaks it again.

i know this meg, more than you could know. and it angers me, yet saddens me still, i suppose it always will.
one for the library here.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


8 posted 08-26-2003 12:08 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Wow.
Wind
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Member Elite
since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


9 posted 08-27-2003 10:18 AM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

was waiting to coment on this one

insanity is not a crime

QjQ
Member Elite
since 04-18-2003
Posts 3938
U.S.A.


10 posted 08-27-2003 03:22 PM       View Profile for QjQ   Email QjQ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for QjQ

terrifically penned,,,

     

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


11 posted 05-05-2004 01:27 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

as usual..you blend the words and feelings in such a way as to make the reader almost taste the effects of emotion...

peace dear lady to you and your heart...

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


12 posted 06-07-2004 12:19 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

I really enjoyed reading this, keep up the wonderful writing.

Andrew
 
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