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Passions in Poetry

Drawing twilight in one breath

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bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 08-12-2003 02:16 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

We sit on the blank face of the hill.
The same clouds skirting the same moon
preside over us.

Below, the city glows --
its light is no match
for the glowing end.
A cigarette nestled within your lips,
scribing shadows in the sky.

You draw the light out.

I watch you blow a halo,
imagined around the moon.
Soft twining twists, lighted silver.

Will they reflect in the streets,
across all the city's structures
rising to meet the sky?

This light.
Theirs to see.
Ours to keep.

I watch you watching me,
then reach across the space between us,
pull your cigarette free.

The only glow, now in tremble,
the passage that my hand defines
as the light travels from your lips
to mine.

Slow,
deep,
dark

draw.
Your subtle taste

in

exhale.

From our hill,
we watch the city,
as twilight's glow fades from the sky
(the same stars come into focus).
We break into night --
© Copyright 2003 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


1 posted 08-12-2003 05:37 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Oh WOW Mike wow!

this is absolutely brill.

I'm keeping it.

Maree

fate is not just
whose cooking  smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


2 posted 08-12-2003 10:30 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

The only glow, now in tremble,
the passage that my hand defines
as the light travels from your lips
to mine.

Slow,
deep,
dark

draw.
Your subtle taste

in

exhale.

hate to single out words or passages but these are just stunning words
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


3 posted 08-12-2003 11:12 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

Damn.

This has to be one of my favorites of yours.  I love the imagery...

this:
"A cigarette nestled within your lips,
scribing shadows in the sky.

You draw the light out."

Yes.  In my mind, she takes the glow, the light into herself and it almost becomes tangible around her.  The light, like that very thin layer of electricity surrounding a body.  Very cool - I enjoyed this immensely.
Skyfire
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Member Ascendant
since 12-27-2000
Posts 5766
Riding


4 posted 08-13-2003 12:55 AM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

um... WOW
The mental images...
The words...
The awesomeness...

You're my hero

There's nothing like a good fight with a horse to put your problems into perspective

Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 11-17-2000
Posts 2476
east coast


5 posted 08-13-2003 02:42 PM       View Profile for Tiersdin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tiersdin

Beautifully written Mikey. Nice to hear your romantic voice again.


~Tier
Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


6 posted 08-13-2003 04:35 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Wonderful writing

Andy
Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


7 posted 08-16-2003 12:19 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I think earlier in a thread in Family Dialogue, "A Call to Arms," I believe it was, you said something about this being a place to learn about subtlety... that's something I've never been much read at.  But the way you wrote of that kiss, towards the end, for me just defines subtlety... you never come out and say it, you just describe it, leave the sensory interpretation up to the reader's own mind.

I've got a lot to learn from you, Mikey... thanks as always for showing us your mind.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


8 posted 08-16-2003 10:56 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Mikey it is all right here in one line:

You draw the light out.

she must be amazing . . .
*smile*
xxoo
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


9 posted 08-18-2003 07:03 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks all, for giving this poem such a fine reception. LP, thanks for your wonderful and perceptive comment. And littlewing, yes, she is.

Thanks again.
gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


10 posted 08-18-2003 07:04 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

bloody hell...i was there, i got so close to the screen then, i nearly licked it.

for my library.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


11 posted 08-19-2003 08:13 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Nicely done Mikey... but I expect nothing short of an expected delight when reading you..and you never fail to provide me with that...

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


12 posted 08-19-2003 08:38 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

in awe of your words. laughing at the picture of gem licking her computer. honestly this flows...something you lay awake thinking of. and you manage the subtlety perfectly. I've got a lot to learn too.

insanity is not a crime

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


13 posted 08-26-2003 02:47 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Much thanks.
Kaoru
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Member Elite
since 06-07-2003
Posts 3888
where the wild flowers grow


14 posted 08-27-2003 10:36 PM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

This is really awesome, I licked my computer just because Gem made me want to so bad.

I love the words, the balance, the picture formed in my head.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


15 posted 08-28-2003 01:12 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Licking screens leads to shocks. Thank you.
 
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