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Passions in Poetry

The Baring of Her Soul

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Allysa
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Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


0 posted 08-08-2003 04:08 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Allysa

"I'm writing a letter to no one," she explains
as her lips form the letters, her fingers graze the keys,
"In hopes that someone might take it personally
instead of lightly, or literally, or not at all.
If you heard me when I speak, your eyes could see
the pain etched into my mind,
my skin no longer cracks, my lips no longer ache
in the struggle to find the right words to say."

"Tired concepts drone on and on,
they weigh me down and strip my being,
small talk is all I'm good for anymore
my time consuming words have run short,
I spent them all yesterday not leaving time
for me to explain anything to you.
Internal deliberation occurs everytime before
I allow another sentence to slip by,
everything is intentional nowadays."

"I'm tired of these shaking hands,
of dropping everything I touch as it
all slips by my fingertips I'm too apathetic
to try and stop it from falling.
Carefully applying this mask everyday
I hide away until it becomes permanent,
until I can safely disappear and
never worry about bothering anyone."

"Truth is I'm deathly afraid of everything,
and I never asked for any pity from them
I never wanted to disrupt their thoughts
but the blatant truth is I'm afraid.
If anyone would take the time to look
through my stained-glass soul
they might come across the answer
written in the shadows of the wall
that will explain all you ever want to know."

"But for now, I don't have your answers.
Or maybe I just refuse your questions
admitting to you what you want to know
would mean sheding the skin I have come to love
and if I could, I would hide away
simple thoughts cannot disguise everything.
I cannot live to part with anything
so instead, I bare my soul."


(this feels slightly incomplete, but I can't seem to strip anything else from my mind at the moment, so take it for what it's worth.)


[This message has been edited by Allysa (08-08-2003 04:57 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


1 posted 08-08-2003 07:19 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

The only thing incomplete here is what you feel . . .
as do I

Or maybe I just refuse your questions
admitting to you what you want to know
would mean sheding the skin I have come to love

This is brilliant Allysa . . .
and yes I dont like feeling much either
xxoo
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


2 posted 08-08-2003 11:03 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

I think many can relate to this.  I especially liked these lines:

"Tired concepts drone on and on,
they weigh me down and strip my being,
small talk is all I'm good for anymore
my time consuming words have run short,
I spent them all yesterday not leaving time
for me to explain anything to you.
Internal deliberation occurs everytime before
I allow another sentence to slip by,
everything is intentional nowadays."

Sometimes everything feels intentional, forced, contrived - and I'm sure I'm just gathering what I can relate to, but the internal deliberation never ceases in my head.  Circular thought, it's quite tiring after a while.

Enjoyed this much.
Skyfire
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since 12-27-2000
Posts 5766
Riding


3 posted 08-09-2003 01:45 AM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

I have no critiques for this one. This describes me perfectly (at times). Thanks for the read

It's hard to grow up and watch your friends remain in the same mindset that you left them in

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


4 posted 08-09-2003 02:49 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

littlewing - first of all, a dear friend of mine wanted me to tell you that you are very cool because of your location (electricladyland).  But also, I wanted to reply to say that your comments made me feel very happy, it is not often that something I do is called brilliant.  Feeling is no fun, isn't there a vaccine I could take to make it go away?

Nicole - Circular thought bothers me.  It's the same thing over and over and it lacks in energy about as much as the energizer bunny.  Thank you for your kind comments and for taking the time to read this.  

Skyfire - no critiques, eh?  Surely you can find something that should be fixed, maybe a bit of grammar or something?  There's always something wrong with my writing, but maybe I'm just overlycritical.  I think that most everyone has felt like they do not want to feel and I am very glad that you can relate to this.  Thanks.  
Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 08-11-2003 01:23 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I like your critique message.  I say that a lot, I think, but I'm reminding you.  Does it relate to my life?  I think so.  I think I know how it is to feel dismissed and misunderstood, and brushed away, and turned under somebody's nose when all you want to do is be heard.  I think you found the right method in poetry, though.

It's the organized art of being heard.  Right?  

Nice work, 'Lyss...

Brian

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


6 posted 08-11-2003 03:52 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Brian,

honestly, I had forgotten my critique message, but you inspired me to read it again, and now I know what it is.. which I guess could be a good thing.   Oi.  I also noticed that it says "I would rather much" and that reminded me of my mother, because she hates it when I say that, and when I say something along the lines of "noon-thirty" when pertaining to the time.  

Anyhow..

I only like to be heard by certain people, the rest of them can just go on pretending I don't take up any space in their world.

Anyway, very glad you like it, and that you can relate to it.. So, you're going to join the merry bunch o' morons (my girl friends) who call me Lyss, eh?  I wish you the best of luck, they're a mighty vicious bunch.

Later.
bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


7 posted 08-12-2003 02:26 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Nice work. It resonates.
 
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