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The Baring of Her Soul
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The Baring of Her Soul |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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"I'm writing a letter to no one," she explains as her lips form the letters, her fingers graze the keys, "In hopes that someone might take it personally instead of lightly, or literally, or not at all. If you heard me when I speak, your eyes could see the pain etched into my mind, my skin no longer cracks, my lips no longer ache in the struggle to find the right words to say." "Tired concepts drone on and on, they weigh me down and strip my being, small talk is all I'm good for anymore my time consuming words have run short, I spent them all yesterday not leaving time for me to explain anything to you. Internal deliberation occurs everytime before I allow another sentence to slip by, everything is intentional nowadays." "I'm tired of these shaking hands, of dropping everything I touch as it all slips by my fingertips I'm too apathetic to try and stop it from falling. Carefully applying this mask everyday I hide away until it becomes permanent, until I can safely disappear and never worry about bothering anyone." "Truth is I'm deathly afraid of everything, and I never asked for any pity from them I never wanted to disrupt their thoughts but the blatant truth is I'm afraid. If anyone would take the time to look through my stained-glass soul they might come across the answer written in the shadows of the wall that will explain all you ever want to know." "But for now, I don't have your answers. Or maybe I just refuse your questions admitting to you what you want to know would mean sheding the skin I have come to love and if I could, I would hide away simple thoughts cannot disguise everything. I cannot live to part with anything so instead, I bare my soul." (this feels slightly incomplete, but I can't seem to strip anything else from my mind at the moment, so take it for what it's worth.) [This message has been edited by Allysa (08-08-2003 04:57 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
The only thing incomplete here is what you feel . . . as do I Or maybe I just refuse your questions admitting to you what you want to know would mean sheding the skin I have come to love This is brilliant Allysa . . . and yes I dont like feeling much either xxoo |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I think many can relate to this. I especially liked these lines: "Tired concepts drone on and on, they weigh me down and strip my being, small talk is all I'm good for anymore my time consuming words have run short, I spent them all yesterday not leaving time for me to explain anything to you. Internal deliberation occurs everytime before I allow another sentence to slip by, everything is intentional nowadays." Sometimes everything feels intentional, forced, contrived - and I'm sure I'm just gathering what I can relate to, but the internal deliberation never ceases in my head. Circular thought, it's quite tiring after a while. Enjoyed this much. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I have no critiques for this one. This describes me perfectly (at times). Thanks for the read  It's hard to grow up and watch your friends remain in the same mindset that you left them in |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
littlewing - first of all, a dear friend of mine wanted me to tell you that you are very cool because of your location (electricladyland). But also, I wanted to reply to say that your comments made me feel very happy, it is not often that something I do is called brilliant. Feeling is no fun, isn't there a vaccine I could take to make it go away? Nicole - Circular thought bothers me. It's the same thing over and over and it lacks in energy about as much as the energizer bunny. Thank you for your kind comments and for taking the time to read this. Skyfire - no critiques, eh? Surely you can find something that should be fixed, maybe a bit of grammar or something? There's always something wrong with my writing, but maybe I'm just overlycritical. I think that most everyone has felt like they do not want to feel and I am very glad that you can relate to this. Thanks. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I like your critique message. I say that a lot, I think, but I'm reminding you. Does it relate to my life? I think so. I think I know how it is to feel dismissed and misunderstood, and brushed away, and turned under somebody's nose when all you want to do is be heard. I think you found the right method in poetry, though. It's the organized art of being heard. Right?  Nice work, 'Lyss... Brian Faith is a fine invention |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Brian, honestly, I had forgotten my critique message, but you inspired me to read it again, and now I know what it is.. which I guess could be a good thing. Oi. I also noticed that it says "I would rather much" and that reminded me of my mother, because she hates it when I say that, and when I say something along the lines of "noon-thirty" when pertaining to the time. Anyhow.. I only like to be heard by certain people, the rest of them can just go on pretending I don't take up any space in their world. Anyway, very glad you like it, and that you can relate to it.. So, you're going to join the merry bunch o' morons (my girl friends) who call me Lyss, eh? I wish you the best of luck, they're a mighty vicious bunch. Later. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Nice work. It resonates. |
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