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Passions in Poetry

Jagged Days

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 08-07-2003 02:06 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

I thank you for your hospitality
among these jagged days.
You were too sweet, swaddling arms
around my relapsed form.
Your body heat was like a blanket.
You kept the winter out.
You made sure the water was full,
a kettle on the coals.

All I can offer you in thanks
is that I know your face.
The light is sharp when details blur,
another walk away.
But your eyes, their colored light,
orient my stumbling ways.
You keep the bandages warm and tight
against these jagged days.

If I ever lose my way,
if I slip and fall behind,
if I never know our place
I will always call you kind.

I know that is a useless comfort,
as words disintegrate.
But I will thank you once more
for holding to me these jagged days.
© Copyright 2003 MPC - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 08-07-2003 02:23 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

The slow drift into patterned rhyme was a bit of a surprise, but as always, I like to consider the form as part of the intent--

and I thought this rather effective, mike--as it the form starts out loose conveying a disjointed feel to the message,--like someone grasping to find the feeling in the memory-- and then the rhyme scheme parlayed into a sense of comfort in the memory...

I DO still study you, yanno.

Yer a friggin' genius. smooches.
wranx
Member Elite
since 06-07-2002
Posts 3778
Moved from a shack to a barn


2 posted 08-07-2003 02:54 PM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

I got the feeling of wistful rememberance from this...

And yes, this form was a surprise

"friggin' genious"  Yep
Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 11-17-2000
Posts 2476
east coast


3 posted 08-07-2003 05:38 PM       View Profile for Tiersdin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tiersdin

Well done, Mikey.


I like this a lot.

~Tier
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


4 posted 08-07-2003 09:45 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

i'm running out of adjective... I'm running out of good adjectives... ahh.  

You're using up all my good adjectives!  You're just too good, too good.
brian sites
Senior Member
since 06-25-2002
Posts 1500
usa


5 posted 08-07-2003 10:55 PM       View Profile for brian sites   Email brian sites   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian sites

smile

Im bettin a SONG cooked this one up
in your head...

it's got that feel to it

textmusicture
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


6 posted 08-08-2003 04:11 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

I have no idea why but this reminds me of the hospital . . . when you were


messing with my head again, you are
xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (08-08-2003 04:12 AM).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


7 posted 08-08-2003 10:34 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

I use to feel like that once Mike, the comfort of knowing another like that...

a very loving poem

M
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


8 posted 08-08-2003 10:41 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

nicely done, Mike... enjoyed the intent, content and the form...

regards
sudhir
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


9 posted 08-08-2003 11:20 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Mikey
I find a sense of regret and greatful in this.  As always, well done!
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


10 posted 08-08-2003 02:07 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks, all, for reading. And yes, there was a song in my head, but I have no idea what it was.
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


11 posted 08-09-2003 04:14 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Gratitude can be a very effective form of repayment... especially when it comes to something that requires a good investment of thought and emotion, like a poem does.  I'm sure this person you speak of would ask for no more from you.

Great writing as always, Mike... very enjoyable.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


12 posted 08-09-2003 07:57 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks, LP.
gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


13 posted 08-10-2003 04:48 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

keeping this. nuff said.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

 
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