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Passions in Poetry

another slice of life

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Tramp Poet
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 786
Could Be Anywhere...


0 posted 08-02-2003 01:08 PM       View Profile for Tramp Poet   Email Tramp Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Tramp Poet's Home Page   View IP for Tramp Poet

mine field

where were the mines hidden
that maimed, ripped asunder?
why wasnít there signs up?
who could imagine the destruction?
tiptoe through the field, probing
wearing kevlar protective gear
against that for which
there is no protection.
bleeding, once again
pieces of meat fellowship
dark side beckons, entices
peaceful now;
here in the mine field


~~~~~~


[This message has been edited by Tramp Poet (08-02-2003 01:08 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Daniel James Burt - All Rights Reserved
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


1 posted 08-07-2003 09:52 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Praiseworthy.  Left me thinking.
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 08-09-2003 06:53 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

It's dark, but I'd attribute that largely to the subject matter.  As for the poem, I'd articulate a bit more on the imagery, make it more vivid... maybe add some helpful simile or metaphor to spice things up.  Use more colour and visual appeal... this kind of image is the one you want seen, as well as felt and smelled...

Still a nice write... thanks for sharing.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

 
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