It's dark, but I'd attribute that largely to the subject matter. As for the poem, I'd articulate a bit more on the imagery, make it more vivid... maybe add some helpful simile or metaphor to spice things up. Use more colour and visual appeal... this kind of image is the one you want seen, as well as felt and smelled...
Still a nice write... thanks for sharing.
Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.