another slice of life - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Poetic Haven

another slice of life

Tramp Poet
Senior Member

since 2000-01-06

Posts 754
Could Be Anywhere...

0 posted 2003-08-02 01:08 PM

mine field

where were the mines hidden
that maimed, ripped asunder?
why wasn’t there signs up?
who could imagine the destruction?
tiptoe through the field, probing
wearing kevlar protective gear
against that for which
there is no protection.
bleeding, once again
pieces of meat fellowship
dark side beckons, entices
peaceful now;
here in the mine field

~~~~~~

[This message has been edited by Tramp Poet (08-02-2003 01:08 PM).]

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

1 posted 2003-08-07 09:52 PM

Praiseworthy. Left me thinking.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2003-08-09 06:53 AM

It's dark, but I'd attribute that largely to the subject matter. As for the poem, I'd articulate a bit more on the imagery, make it more vivid... maybe add some helpful simile or metaphor to spice things up. Use more colour and visual appeal... this kind of image is the one you want seen, as well as felt and smelled...

Still a nice write... thanks for sharing.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.