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Passions in Poetry

The sinking ship

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bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 08-01-2003 01:01 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

There is a poetry
in loss.

Something you've worked for
swept away.

The sails no longer catch wind,
but waves.

The deck is finally clean,
drifting to the deep.

Riggings whip and snap
where no one can see them
whip and snap.

The sun is the ceiling;
it mottles the floor.

Bubbles
like pearls

aggregate,
dissipate.

Sail swaddled wreck,
breathing the sea.

The light is the ceiling
that never collapses.

High tide; low tide,
hard to see the change from here.

Swim away, sway.
Sway, swim away.
© Copyright 2003 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Allysa
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Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


1 posted 08-01-2003 01:29 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Strange.  I've sat here and tried to think of another way to reply, something more, but all that sticks in my mind is strange (which is good).
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


2 posted 08-01-2003 09:44 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

I *like* this.

Here:

"Riggings whip and snap
where no one can see them
whip and snap."

and here...

"High tide; low tide,
hard to see the change from here."

These two stanzas gave me a very interesting perspective of my images/interp. of the whole piece.  Very nice, I like.
brian sites
Senior Member
since 06-25-2002
Posts 1500
usa


3 posted 08-02-2003 12:24 AM       View Profile for brian sites   Email brian sites   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian sites

damn

I read this....
without even seeing the title

and I read it
thinking
-sinking ship-

and I went abstract
thinking
about the slow motions
of it...such deliberate dancing

I came back and quickly checked the title...

laugh

I LIKE this 'un
Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


4 posted 08-02-2003 10:51 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

This was incredibly enjoyable to read, I was just swept away by the language that you have used and the mood that you have captured. Thanks for sharing this with us

Andy

Rawr, rawr, rawr

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


5 posted 08-02-2003 03:42 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

High tide; low tide,
hard to see the change from here.

aye
Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


6 posted 08-09-2003 06:41 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Again you caught your title perfectly with your poem.  As in something I read by you just very recently you use the word "poetry" to mean something in your poem.  I'd like to know what your definition of that word is?  "Poetry?"  What is the "poetry" in loss?  Is it the strange irony of something built to conquer the sea, instead being conquered by the sea itself?  I know you're speaking of loss and not simply of a sinking ship but, still, that much can be said for loss... something taken for granted being not only lost, but taken away violently by some undermined force...

Oh yeah... another one that really makes me think.  Thanks for it as always Mr. Chmielecki.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


7 posted 08-09-2003 07:59 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Simply put, loss lends itself to writing poems.
 
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