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60 seconds |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981
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60 seconds left in time, to throw the stones away, watch them sink, or watch them float There is no time to pray 50 seconds left in time, It's spreading like a fire first comes anger then comes fear For hatred shall not tire. 40 seconds left in time, where did we go wrong? cry in fear or trace the lines- I'll stand here and be strong 30 seconds left in time, Nothing won is free, they call it war, I call it hell: What they call victory 20 seconds left in time, what isn't ours to take- hugs and kisses, guns and bombs: humanity is fake Just ten more seconds left in time Prepare for aftershock- close the windows, close the doors No time to watch the clock Our time is up- what have we done? we're gone in 5, 4, 3, 2- insanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (07-31-2003 06:27 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved | |||
Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
liz, this was an amAZING!!! poem...i love the rhyming thing in this, and the flow was great....loved it the whole way riley *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Thanks Ri  insanity is not a crime |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
What a very cool and clever write ... excellent employ of theme... and the ending is poetic perfection. May I ask where you got the idea and inspire for this? Its so unique with the number and time theme, and I love the rhyming pace..the way it builds up to the ending. Your work continues to leave an impression. Well done poetess Liz "How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you." |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
oh man it hurts my head that people your age can think this or is it that you are just so advanced for your age either way this is a powerful write and a statement to humanity you made me sigh...and wince... but also smile at your mind very well done WindyOne |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
JM- oh gosh inspirations...the style was mine but the rest..let me see 1.regni inertis (Raph's poem about human capabilities) 2. an album called every six seconds 3. 2 songs, click click boom and beautiful world 4. various ideas about the war 6. The movie...oh what is is called..about how the earth has only 3 more days to live because some big astroid is going to crash into it? I forget 7. this weird fear of clocks that I have. Not kidding, I can't keep them in my room because they remind me of bombs..5...4..3..2..1. so that's where I get the numer theme. I was going to make it random, but the subject of this poem doesn't do well with free verse. Then the origina rhymeing patern was a. b. c. b. but that didn't sound right, so I added a D in between. That gave me time to add greater impact with the extra words it allowed me. Whenever my poems rhyme, I try to keep a strict syllable count on them too..well that is a lot. ok...(sigh..I could go on and on. All of my poems are inspired by something.) Thanks JM..I guess the theme wasn't mine but the number pace was. i have to shut up now brian- hello..thank you. I get a lot of that  heh..insanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (08-01-2003 10:07 AM).] |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Your critique message made me smile. But anyway.. this is an interesting write, I especially enjoyed the end, how you almost have to whisper "1" to yourself because it just feels right. I don't really know, maybe it's me. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
no..it's not just you I had the 1 in there, but I took it out. for purposes unknown, I felt that the reader has to finish the poem themselves. Who knows? maybe we never get to 1. because there is still some time left I think too much sometimesinsanity is not a crime |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
humans eh? always make a mess of what could be beautiful..is there still time? i hope so... your intelligence shines here Liz.. look at the stars look how they shine for youuuuuuuu. maybe if people looked at the stars more often, they would make more of life? bah, probably not.  Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
I lov ya gem..you brightens my day. but I WONT be friends with the hourglass smiley. nice try sometimes it's hard to see the stars. but I asure all of ya: they are all yellow and she bumps my depressing poem to the top. I don't care. hah. my sarcasm is at its peak tonight insanity is not a crime |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
lol, you can read me like a book, i thought i'd snuck him in there, but nooooooooo.  what bout this, it could be a forum cop..its youuuuuu! [img] http://www.magics.nl/smilies/happy/copper.gif[/img] say you love it!!!! Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
lol..first of all- the thing's go a light on his head! he needs a little police hat and secondly..thank your for showing me the pretty 'File not found' I love that place insanity is not a crime |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I sometimes think half of your poetry comes from your own interaction, and subsequent thoughts. Sometimes, you're not the wind. You're a  |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
lol http://www.magics.nl/smilies/ smiley heaven! that was just the code, and i moved a space between the img bit so you could copy it...i think its an english coppers hat.. you love him yet? Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
sometimes I'm not the wind? don't know what you mean...thanks sunshine? lol gem It's a pretty little sign with a question mark and... insanity is not a crime |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
bloody hell. dunno whats going on. why won't it work? eeeeeevil. pure eeeevil.  Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
maybee it's just stupid  evillll! mine is better  insanity is not a crime |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
My, my, Elizabeth... every time I read your poetry you remind me to expect more from you than I admit I do... for someone of your age, at so early a time in your writing life, you've demonstrated an excellent grasp of form and theme, and how to combine them in your poetry... this poem is a masterpiece of meter, rhyme and original theme... not to mention the use of more modern technique, such as font colour... the omission of the 1 at the end is also quite striking, as it suggests that time is a step ahead of us, that our demise will come sooner than we actually suspect. Someday you'll grow into a fantastic poet, Wind... you're well on the right track, there's no denying it. Once you're putting out books of your poetry don't forget to include some of your earlier work just for the sake of interest... I'm sure your future readers would love to know where you came from. And it's far from something to be ashamed of... Anyways, long story short, this is an awesome write and a good example of what you'll be someday if you keep growing as you are... I'm going to put it into my private library. Thanks for the taste of something different... Parasite Faith is a fine invention |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Great writing Liz..the tension you build with this..you have so much talent and I l#ve seeing you use all these tools and tricks you have lately..fade,bubbles etc |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
I was surprised to see this back at the top. I wrote this also based on the blindness of people. LP- I love reading your replys. you offer suggestions for improvement and always have this way of making me feel like something great. And Raph- not only are you absolutely brilliant, you're a great friend and I love reading your replys. you allways make me laugh. so thanks to you guys  insanity is not a crime |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This is such brilliant writing, I read it a couple of days ago and again today and I just absolutely love it. Thanks for sharing it with us Andy |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
thank you andy insanity is not a crime |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Congrats. I'm letting this nihilistic masterwork be the first post in the rebuilt Sanctuary. You celebrity, you. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
OOOOOHHHHH!!! That was awesome! I love the repetitions that contribute to the kinda countdown effect of this poem. Great job here, many good points inserted! This one goes in my library for sure! 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
eek...my poem's the only one in here. I hereby claim this as pip history day were I bump all of my favorite haven posts. grins What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall? |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
just tell me what nihilistic means What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall? |
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