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Passions in Poetry

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Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


0 posted 07-31-2003 04:16 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Wind


60 seconds left in time,
to throw the stones away,
watch them sink,
or watch them float
There is no time to pray

50 seconds left in time,
It's spreading like a fire
first comes anger
then comes fear
For hatred shall not tire.

40 seconds left in time,
where did we go wrong?
cry in fear
or trace the lines-
I'll stand here and be strong

30 seconds left in time,
Nothing won is free,
they call it war,
I call it hell:
What they call victory


20 seconds left in time,
what isn't ours to take-
hugs and kisses,
guns and bombs:
humanity is fake

Just ten more seconds left in time
Prepare for aftershock-
close the windows,
close the doors
No time to watch the clock

Our time is up-
what have we done?
we're gone in
5, 4, 3, 2-



insanity is not a crime


[This message has been edited by Wind (07-31-2003 06:27 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved
Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


1 posted 07-31-2003 07:56 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

liz,
this was an amAZING!!! poem...i love the rhyming thing in this, and the flow was great....loved it the whole way


riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


2 posted 07-31-2003 08:20 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

Thanks Ri

insanity is not a crime

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 07-31-2003 11:17 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

What a very cool and clever write ...
excellent employ of theme... and the ending is poetic perfection.
May I ask where you got the idea and inspire for this? Its so unique with the number and time theme, and I love the rhyming pace..the way it builds up to the ending.
Your work continues to leave an impression.
Well done poetess Liz

"How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you."

LH

brian sites
Senior Member
since 06-25-2002
Posts 1500
usa


4 posted 08-01-2003 12:05 AM       View Profile for brian sites   Email brian sites   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian sites

oh man

it hurts my head that people your age
can think this
or is it that you are just so
advanced for your age
either way
this is a powerful write
and a statement
to humanity

you made me sigh...and wince...
but also
smile
at your mind

very well done WindyOne
Wind
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5 posted 08-01-2003 09:55 AM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

JM- oh gosh inspirations...the style was mine but the rest..let me see
1.regni inertis (Raph's poem about human capabilities)
2. an album called every six seconds
3. 2 songs, click click boom and beautiful world
4. various ideas about the war
6. The movie...oh what is is called..about how the earth has only 3 more days to live because some big astroid is going to crash into it? I forget
7. this weird fear of clocks that I have. Not kidding, I can't keep them in my room because they remind me of bombs..5...4..3..2..1.

so that's where I get the numer theme. I was going to make it random, but the subject of this poem doesn't do well with free verse. Then the origina rhymeing patern was
a.
b.
c.
b.
but that didn't sound right, so I added a D in between. That gave me time to add greater impact with the extra words it allowed me. Whenever my poems rhyme, I try to keep a strict syllable count on them too..well that is a lot. ok...(sigh..I could go on and on. All of my poems are inspired by something.)

Thanks JM..I guess the theme wasn't mine but the number pace was. i have to shut up now

brian- hello..thank you. I get a lot of that heh..



insanity is not a crime

[This message has been edited by Wind (08-01-2003 10:07 AM).]

Allysa
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since 11-09-1999
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In an upside-down garden


6 posted 08-01-2003 01:32 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Your critique message made me smile.

But anyway.. this is an interesting write, I especially enjoyed the end, how you almost have to whisper "1" to yourself because it just feels right.  I don't really know, maybe it's me.  
Wind
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7 posted 08-01-2003 02:04 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

no..it's not just you I had the 1 in there, but I took it out. for purposes unknown, I felt that the reader has to finish the poem themselves. Who knows? maybe we never get to 1. because there is still some time left I think too much sometimes

insanity is not a crime

gemjop
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since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


8 posted 08-03-2003 08:08 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

humans eh? always make a mess of what could be beautiful..is there still time? i hope so...

your intelligence shines here Liz..

look at the stars look how they shine for youuuuuuuu.

maybe if people looked at the stars more often, they would make more of life?

bah, probably not.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Wind
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9 posted 08-03-2003 08:29 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

I lov ya gem..you brightens my day.
but I WONT be friends with the hourglass smiley. nice try

sometimes it's hard to see the stars. but I asure all of ya: they are all yellow and she bumps my depressing poem to the top. I don't care. hah. my sarcasm is at its peak tonight

insanity is not a crime

gemjop
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since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


10 posted 08-03-2003 08:56 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

lol, you can read me like a book, i thought i'd snuck him in there, but nooooooooo.

  
what bout this, it could be a forum cop..its youuuuuu!
[img]   http://www.magics.nl/smilies/happy/copper.gif[/img]

say you love it!!!!

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Wind
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since 10-12-2002
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11 posted 08-03-2003 09:11 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

lol..first of all- the thing's go a light on his head! he needs a little police hat and secondly..thank your for showing me the pretty 'File not found' I love that place

insanity is not a crime

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


12 posted 08-03-2003 09:15 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I sometimes think half of your poetry
comes from your own interaction, and
subsequent thoughts.  

Sometimes, you're not the wind.

You're a
gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


13 posted 08-03-2003 09:21 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

lol   http://www.magics.nl/smilies/  

smiley heaven!

that was just the code, and i moved a space between the img bit so you could copy it...i think its an english coppers hat..

you love him yet?

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


14 posted 08-03-2003 09:33 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

sometimes I'm not the wind? don't know what you mean...thanks sunshine?

lol gem It's a pretty little sign with a question mark and...

insanity is not a crime

gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


15 posted 08-03-2003 09:41 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

bloody hell. dunno whats going on. why won't it work? eeeeeevil. pure eeeevil.
    

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


16 posted 08-03-2003 09:51 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

maybee it's just stupid evillll! mine is better

insanity is not a crime

Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


17 posted 08-08-2003 03:16 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

My, my, Elizabeth... every time I read your poetry you remind me to expect more from you than I admit I do... for someone of your age, at so early a time in your writing life, you've demonstrated an excellent grasp of form and theme, and how to combine them in your poetry... this poem is a masterpiece of meter, rhyme and original theme... not to mention the use of more modern technique, such as font colour... the omission of the 1 at the end is also quite striking, as it suggests that time is a step ahead of us, that our demise will come sooner than we actually suspect.

Someday you'll grow into a fantastic poet, Wind... you're well on the right track, there's no denying it.  Once you're putting out books of your poetry don't forget to include some of your earlier work just for the sake of interest... I'm sure your future readers would love to know where you came from.  And it's far from something to be ashamed of...

Anyways, long story short, this is an awesome write and a good example of what you'll be someday if you keep growing as you are... I'm going to put it into my private library.  Thanks for the taste of something different...

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


18 posted 08-08-2003 07:08 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

Great writing Liz..the tension you build with this..you have so much talent and I l#ve seeing you use all these tools and tricks you have lately..fade,bubbles etc
Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


19 posted 08-08-2003 07:13 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

I was surprised to see this back at the top. I wrote this also based on the blindness of people. LP- I love reading your replys. you offer suggestions for improvement and always have this way of making me feel like something great. And Raph- not only are you absolutely brilliant, you're a great friend and I love reading your replys. you allways make me laugh. so thanks to you guys

insanity is not a crime

Marshalzu
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since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


20 posted 08-09-2003 09:08 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

This is such brilliant writing, I read it a couple of days ago and again today and I just absolutely love it. Thanks for sharing it with us

Andy
Wind
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Posts 3185


21 posted 08-09-2003 06:53 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

thank you andy

insanity is not a crime

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


22 posted 10-07-2003 06:54 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Congrats. I'm letting this nihilistic masterwork be the first post in the rebuilt Sanctuary. You celebrity, you.
fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


23 posted 10-13-2003 08:51 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

OOOOOHHHHH!!!  That was awesome!  I love the repetitions that contribute to the kinda countdown effect of this poem.  Great job here, many good points inserted!  This one goes in my library for sure!

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Wind
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Posts 3185


24 posted 10-13-2003 08:54 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

eek...my poem's the only one in here. I hereby claim this as pip history day were I bump all of my favorite haven posts.

grins

What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall?
All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall.
-yorke/bjork

 
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