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Passions in Poetry

not quite life

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Tramp Poet
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 786
Could Be Anywhere...


0 posted 07-30-2003 09:05 AM       View Profile for Tramp Poet   Email Tramp Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Tramp Poet's Home Page   View IP for Tramp Poet

Not Quite Life

Days roll like thunder
crashing into ‘morrows
the storm ever upon.
Darkness coiled to strike
fangs glisten with promise
poison injected deeply.

World gone gray
sunlight simply banished
assembly line life.
Sand in the hourglass
beach prisoned away
sentenced; serving time.

Safely inside numbness
pain, anguish, terror
locked away, far away.
Unfortunately...
with that banishment
so goes love and joy.

The storm rages
detached eye observing
winds whipping...demented.
Cocoon of numbness
protecting the fragile
not quite called life.

© Copyright 2003 Daniel James Burt - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 07-30-2003 04:23 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

World gone gray
sunlight simply banished
assembly line life.
Sand in the hourglass
beach prisoned away
sentenced; serving time.
========================

It would be like serving time to not have the ocean and beaches...
Enjoyed the stark vivid imagery in this melancholy write.
well done poet sir.

"How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you."

LH

gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


2 posted 07-30-2003 04:41 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

The storm rages
detached eye observing
winds whipping...demented.
Cocoon of numbness
protecting the fragile
not quite called life.


I've never read you before, so this was like love at first sight..lol..That last stanza in particular..just wow..into my library.

hope to read more of you.

gem

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


3 posted 07-30-2003 04:52 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

This is absoloutely delightful reading thank you for sharing this with us, I really enjoyed reading this.

Andy
Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 09-07-2000
Posts 1972
Ann Arbor, MI


4 posted 07-30-2003 06:46 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Child of the Stars

Whoa, spend more than a few minutes in -that- place and you can tell how hard it is to get out again...very creepy poem, loved the images and landscapes.

"Darkness coiled to strike
fangs glisten with promise
poison injected deeply."

Just thought that was brilliant.

  ~Carly

"How inimitably graceful children are in general before they learn to dance!"
           --Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Tramp Poet
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 786
Could Be Anywhere...


5 posted 08-02-2003 01:12 PM       View Profile for Tramp Poet   Email Tramp Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tramp Poet's Home Page   View IP for Tramp Poet

thank y'all for the comments...
lol my work has definately taken a turn, eh?
wondering should i lament or sigh and get on with it? either way it sux...
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


6 posted 08-08-2003 02:37 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I have a soft spot for the gloomier stuff.  This kept my attention due to the intriguing level of unique imagery you chose... it indeed painted a very abstract picture of the not quite life, really accurately... well done Tramp Poet, I think this is among the best I've read from you.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

 
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