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Passions in Poetry

On cuts and bruises

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Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


0 posted 07-23-2003 07:42 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Wind

Swift as you are,
you've never managed
to go
skin deep-

I'd rather be cut than bruised,
rather bleed
for you,
and every other

pathetic fool.

Instead you bruise me,
let the pain
be covered
by skin
and bones

but I've been
broken,
black and blue...

longing for the confermation
that I am awake

Are you listening?
I'm still bleeding
© Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 07-23-2003 08:13 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is a neat concept.  And I say this to a lot of people, but I wish I'd gotten to this subject matter first, because it's really a clever idea for a poem... the difference between a bruise and a cut, the hidden barely-visible minor pain as opposed to the noticable, bleeding, more serious pain of an open wound.  The bruises add up, it seems, and wreck more than the spilling of blood would.

Not bad at all, Wind... I can see what Raph is talking about when he says you have potential.  

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 07-23-2003 08:46 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Swift as you are,
you've never managed
to go
skin deep-

I'd rather be cut than bruised,
rather bleed
for you,
and every other

pathetic fool.

Instead you bruise me,
let the pain
be covered
by skin
and bones

but I've been
broken,
black and blue...

===========================

Oh Wind-girlie...you went deep!!!
wow... love this write...very cool analogy and metaphor.
Well done poetess!!

"How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you."

LH

gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


3 posted 07-23-2003 08:50 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

oh..my...this may be my favourite ever of yours.

post it in open! it needs to be seen.

am so in awe of these words.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


4 posted 07-23-2003 09:01 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

"Swift as you are,
you've never managed
to go
skin deep-

I'd rather be cut than bruised,
rather bleed
for you,
and every other

pathetic fool.

Instead you bruise me,
let the pain
be covered
by skin
and bones"

I might just have to agree with gem, this is a remarkable write Liz.  Very impressed here!!  
timothysangel1973
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since 12-03-2001
Posts 1749
Never close enough


5 posted 07-24-2003 12:06 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

"Swift as you are,
you've never managed
to go
skin deep-


Instead you bruise me,
let the pain
be covered
by skin
and bones"


Beautiful, just beautiful.

I'm not much on critiques, because I'm not that good myself (atleast not yet)

I only offer my appreciation for such a wonderful write!
Wind
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since 10-12-2002
Posts 3185


6 posted 07-24-2003 11:06 AM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

Thanks everyone

Brian- potentail ehh...Raph? is there something going on that I'm missing? This isn't the first person to tell me this... Ok Brian and don't think I missed you calling me a brat...I see all, ya hear me???

JM- you're so nice lady...thanks as always for replying

gemma- thats lovely gem..just lovely.

Dunc- thanks ya old turnup I apreciate replys..even from pourch puppies

timothysangel1973- thank you..feel free to critique, you are good enough..


And Gem, open can wait, I get more sincere replys in here...less sugar and more salt, thats how I like it  


pluss- no cross posting( wouldn't want to be any more trouble than i already am)


[This message has been edited by Wind (07-24-2003 11:25 AM).]

Riley
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since 07-18-2002
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in the pouring rain


7 posted 07-24-2003 11:56 AM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

Wind-
This is so awesome....I loved the whole concept here, and it fits right in with the song i am listening to ( saliva-rest in pieces ) this is so true liz.......such a very nice write. thank you for sharing......off to sit in a corner and nibble on a carrot


riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

Wind
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since 10-12-2002
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8 posted 07-24-2003 12:08 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

lol..I like saliva...the band..not the stuff that dogs drool
Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


9 posted 07-24-2003 12:22 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Nice work Elizebeth....

Wind
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10 posted 07-24-2003 12:23 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

I'm warning you...
Cpat Hair
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11 posted 07-24-2003 12:26 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

warning me what Liza? or is that Lizzy... or Elizabite??

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (07-24-2003 12:28 PM).]

Riley
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in the pouring rain


12 posted 07-24-2003 12:36 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

i like dem 2 liz!!!

lala,
riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

Wind
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since 10-12-2002
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13 posted 07-24-2003 12:36 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

grr...jus call me a brat if it makes you feel better.. call me cupcake..i don't care, just not Elizabeth

(on second thought, don't ever call me cupcake )

lol ri..I have to say that they are strange, but then again so is just about everything i listen to

[This message has been edited by Wind (07-24-2003 12:38 PM).]

gemjop
Member Elite
since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


14 posted 07-24-2003 12:48 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

ELizabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeettttth!

you still love me, i know you do.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Wind
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since 10-12-2002
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15 posted 07-24-2003 01:02 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

how could I not?
Cpat Hair
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since 06-05-2001
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16 posted 07-24-2003 01:04 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

cupcake??? hmmm.... maybe I'll just call you beth...

or Eliza


or Liza


or maybe.... I'll call you Duncan's double....

lol

Wind
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17 posted 07-24-2003 01:10 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

eww..Beth. sorry if anyone here has that name..but I can't stand it..You can call me Liz or Eli.

hey..back on topic, this is a poem, not an excuse to make fun of me
Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


18 posted 07-24-2003 01:38 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

who needs an excuse?

I commented on the poem..lol.. you're the one who got their hair in a bunch..just because I used your given name....


Wind
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since 10-12-2002
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19 posted 07-24-2003 01:50 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

how doya know thats my giveen name? my given name might be Liz...
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


20 posted 07-25-2003 03:50 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Liz:

this is truly amazing writing . . .
God, I do feel like this
xxoo
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


21 posted 07-25-2003 04:21 AM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


LOL @ this thread...

Now...ON topic!...This truly IS an amazing poem,
Liz.  You did an incredible job with this; and,
as JM said, you dug deep.  I am truly impressed.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"My friends are my estate."
~Emily Dickinson

Marshalzu
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since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


22 posted 07-25-2003 03:10 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Gritty and oh so well written, keep up the great work

Andy
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


23 posted 07-25-2003 03:55 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

First of all Liz Beth is a beautiful name so just shut it..bu t i know you prefer Liz so I'll call youliz..Second yes when Bri and I first started talking we discussed great writers on the site and I mentioned your writing and that you have the potential to really do something with it..course this is before i realized what a brat you are..phbllllllt
Wind
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24 posted 07-25-2003 07:02 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

hahaha...if it weren't you..I might have been ofended by that

wait a sec? I have potential. What is that supposed to mean? Whats wrong with me now? If ya want to see how much I've improved- go see all my sugery poems in open 23 phbllllllt

[This message has been edited by Wind (07-25-2003 09:30 PM).]

 
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