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Armstrong

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Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 07-18-2003 05:26 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Armstrong

The spheres of mind's kaleidescope
All glitter'd bright, as upward groped
Th'eleventh archer's gallery--
A legion proudly armour'd--the
Vast unhorizon sprawl'd upon
Their bed at gunpoint--and the sun
Would bear no blame for their ill game;
Would fight, if not so fixt with shame.

The silver sphere's proximity
Increas'd as the encroaching crew
Abandon'd their safe shell of blue
Which, with great unanimity
Cast heavenward a cheer of pride
Towards the sought-for destination
As nation after hungry nation
With drooling, open maws, unleasht their teeth inside.

Piccarda the Inconstant spied them
Constance next, her sources vext
Broke from perpetual bliss, perplext
By the grand falling pillar, eyed them
Cold-slept, squisht in linear posture
A filthy, unescorted roster
Seem'd to inhabit the invader
For fear, the spectres fled each to a crater.

They helplessly endured her cries
And cover'd their rememb'ring eyes
When from the foreign cenotaph
The pallid men shot forth a laugh
Of victory, and to her paced
In cloudlike strides, and then, defaced
With a steel rod and firmest vice
The virgin sphere of Paradise.

Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd
Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shrouded
Behind their craters, forever crowded
By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd
To that black-scarrèd surface, where
With shredded garlands in her hair
Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he
Hath found her infertility.

The astral dunes and lunar crags
Behold with fear the stripèd rag
That danceth not to airy sections
But to indignant hands that rip in all directions.

Still writhing, the sad legend sags
Its corpse, impaled, about a flag
Which mankind's bleeding curse endows
Upon the land of broken vows.

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (07-19-2003 01:08 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Marshalzu
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since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


1 posted 07-18-2003 05:33 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Just amazing

Andy
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 07-18-2003 08:51 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

They helplessly endured her cries
And cover'd their rememb'ring eyes
When from the foreign cenotaph
The pallid men shot forth a laugh
Of victory, and to her paced
In cloudlike strides, and then, defaced
With a steel rod and firmest vice
The virgin sphere of Paradise.

Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd
Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shroudèd
Behind their craters, forever crowdèd
By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd
To that black-scarrèd surface, where
With shreddèd garlands in her hair
Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he
Hath found her infertility.

The astral dunes and lunar crags
Behold with fear the stripèd rag
That danceth not to airy sections
But to indignant hands that rip in all directions.

Still writhing, the sad legend sags
Its corpse, impaled, about a flag
Which mankind's bleeding curse endows
Upon the land of broken vows

=====================================


one (not so) small step for rhyme ...
one GIANT step for poetry    


YOU ROCK!!!!
Your Rhymes rock...the way your mind turns words into poetry...any subject matter becomes rhyme divine when its run thru your brilliant and deep mind...
and only you could put this twist on this subject.
This is one very cool inspire...and I am so diggin your imagery and vocab ...

I LOVE this verse...

Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd
Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shroudèd
Behind their craters, forever crowdèd
By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd
To that black-scarrèd surface, where
With shreddèd garlands in her hair
Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he
Hath found her infertility.



the imagery and personify is awesome...
I will be looking at the moon different tonite after this oh so impressive write.

Youre too cool for school...and I am but your poetry fool

"I'm good at two things and this is the other one."

C. Jaks

serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


3 posted 07-18-2003 11:24 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

This is just deliciously tantalizing. Mind if I drool a bit?

This is so perfectly executed, the draw of mystery is displayed in your opening stanza--
and you do indeed reach for the moon, nothing trite about the word play, the rhymes that won't fit upon a NORMAL tongue, fit precisely here and beg to be played on stage. As they are, in the following stanzas.

"The silver sphere's proximity
Increas'd as the encroaching crew"

I like the foreshadow of "encroach", it sets the tone and foreshadows the lovely (albeit harsh in the overview) treatment of dear Luna, while giving the modern mind that visual necessary to follow the thought.

"Piccarda the Inconstant spied them
Constance next, her sources vext"
More than nice in the allusion here, and once again, strong opening to the stanza, with the follow up, not a whimper, but a little bit of strings before the next "ooomph".

You are playing this like a maestro here.

The fourth stanza is not quite as powerful, but like a master musician, (although I am kind of "iffy" on these two lines?
"When from the foreign cenotaph
The pallid men shot forth a laugh") although it doesn't NOT work, it seems kind of shruggish--yet?  you do incorporate, quite musically, the good use of a "bridge"--which, delightfully leads us to your next thought provoking stanza:

" Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd
Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shroudèd
Behind their craters, forever crowdèd
By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd
To that black-scarrèd surface, where
With shreddèd garlands in her hair
Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he
Hath found her infertility."

Very strong stanza, which poses age old questions of philosophy, and lends a certain sadness to what most perceive as simply accomplishment, you, sweetheart, poet YOU, see the sadness in a mystery revealed, and equating the loss of that mystery with a metaphorical rape of nature in the name of knowledge is evident in the next stanza, which I thought and kind of still feel could be incorporated into one with the last:

"The astral dunes and lunar crags
Behold with fear the stripèd rag
That danceth not to airy sections
But to indignant hands that rip in all directions.

Still writhing, the sad legend sags
Its corpse, impaled, about a flag
Which mankind's bleeding curse endows
Upon the land of broken vows."

But that last stanza is exquisite with a subliminal conjuring of use of word "buzz"--
mankind's bleeding, and "broken" vows, leaving the reader with the subconscious imagery of rape of virgin, and further wondering, just whose hymen was broken in the conquest of man to dominate the natural world.

And if I applaud? I fear I will spray drool over the rest of the audience.

Exquisitely written, temperate and yet surprising in strength.

The only thing better would be to hear you read it aloud.

I curtsey.

timothysangel1973
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Senior Member
since 12-03-2001
Posts 1749
Never close enough


4 posted 07-18-2003 11:33 PM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973



"Still writhing, the sad legend sags
Its corpse, impaled, about a flag
Which mankind's bleeding curse endows
Upon the land of broken vows."

I really enjoyed the entire write, but yes...I do have a favorite line and above is the one!

I'm sticking this one in the Library so that I can come back later and read again, I haven't been on all day, and have lots of catching up to do around here!

Some women wait for something to change and nothing does, so they change themselves.
-Audre Lorde

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


5 posted 07-19-2003 12:11 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

and even the title is a layering of correctness and still yet profundity.

"Armstrong."

Strong arm?

INDEED.

I like.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


6 posted 07-19-2003 07:39 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Piccarda the Inconstant spied them
Constance next, her sources vext
Broke from perpetual bliss, perplext
By the grand falling pillar, eyed them
Cold-slept, squisht in linear posture
A filthy, unescorted roster
Seem'd to inhabit the invader
For fear, the spectres fled each to a crater.


=======================================

any one ever tell you youre deeeeeep

just came back to read this gem of pen again...much to see here...much to find between the rhymes.
I just love being poetically mooned LOL

"I'm good at two things and this is the other one."

C. Jaks

Midnitesun
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since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


7 posted 07-19-2003 02:53 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

loved this write, especially the last two stanzas. (No need to to copy, you wrote them, you know them).

I'm so happy I didn't miss this gem.
wranx
Member Elite
since 06-07-2002
Posts 3778
Moved from a shack to a barn


8 posted 07-20-2003 01:47 PM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

Damn and double damn!

This is a thing of beauty LP.

Made me recall the night I sat rapt watching this event....

Wondrous...

Ed
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


9 posted 07-22-2003 04:55 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Brian:

I, too am infatuated with these lines:

Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd
Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shrouded
Behind their craters, forever crowded
By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd
To that black-scarrèd surface, where
With shredded garlands in her hair
Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he
Hath found her infertility.


God, I adore your mind
brilliant
flowing . . . like honey
xxoo
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


10 posted 07-23-2003 10:33 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Andy - thanks!  Glad to know you enjoyed it.  

JM - I can really tell when I strike you with my poetry because you hold shift while you type.  Haha... seriously... thanks so much for reading and I'm proud I could meet your approval on yet another struggle to force my confused mind into words.  

Serenity - You analyzed me well, even though most of it you ran by me on IM beforehand.  I won't steal any of your due credit away from you though, you read this poem clearly and got every last drop of meaning I put into it.  Thank you so much for reading me so deeply, that is the most fulfilling thing someone could ever do for me.     And yanno?  The fourth stanza was one of my favourites too... haha... thanks for the honesty.     Oh and yeah... strong arm, ya know, the masculine, overpowering force that reaches out and mauls the universe with a strong hand?  Hehe... you see right through me.

Tima - so glad to see you in Sanctuary, I have to say... this place is booming with activity lately and it's really refreshing to see all the wonderful artwork people post here getting the attention it deserves.  As for your comments on my poem, I'm honoured to be featured in your private library... that means a lot to me.  Thanks!

Kacy - I'm so happy you didn't miss it too!  Thanks for taking the time to read, and I'm glad you so enjoyed it.

Ed - Oh?  See, I wasn't even watching TV when it happened.  In fact, I wasn't even born.  Glad to know I got the approval of someone who was actually there for the event, 'cause I was kind of going by concept instead of memory.  Visited by the muse, ya know?  Filling the poet with memories of what happened long before?  Yep...

Sue - You're sweet to me... also like flowing honey.  

Thanks guys... this one I was pretty proud of.  Something that had been bouncing off the walls in my mind for some time now.  It's good to see such approval for it...
Allysa
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since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


11 posted 08-07-2003 12:39 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

It honestly took me way too long to reply to this one, Brian, and I'm sorry.  I just love everything about this and I couldn't pick out just one thing, or even a few things that I love about it to focus on.  

As usual, you are amazing, wonderful, extraordinary... everything.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


12 posted 08-08-2003 11:29 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Brian

Fabulous writing...you are extraordinarily gifted.
Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


13 posted 08-08-2003 11:34 AM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

i do believe this is the very first time ( possibly ) that i sat and read one of your poems all the way through....this was just amazing...there are no other words....

quote:
Which mankind's bleeding curse endows
Upon the land of broken vows.



Riley

* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes *

Allysa
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since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


14 posted 08-08-2003 04:52 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

As I was wandering down the hallway of the local highschool in an attempt to find a bathroom where I could wash my raw-egg covered hands, I saw a box of construction materials with the brand of "Armstrong" on the cardboard and immediately thought of you.  I know this has nothing to do with anything, but I realized that meant that this had an impact on me and I thought I just might as well share it with you.

Have a nice day, dear.
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