Child of the Stars
Ann Arbor, MI
Ooh, I want to know what the ending was before.
First of all, I love garage sales. I especially love those exercise tapes, the ones they hand out in a box because they've given up or found something better.
I think you might be able to spruce up the tone a bit using Brian's advice...the subtlety thing, I mean. It seems a bit "ho, hum. sigh," when there's potential for real poignant pain...I already see it here, especially with the teddy bear.
"someone had torn them both apart."
Beyond the surface assumption--the narrator is torn apart, the teddy bear is torn apart--there's something more...they've been torn from each -other-...childhood's been ripped from her, the teddy bear's been ripped from his hands of safety...and there's no mender in sight.
Brilliant ending. If it said 'chunk' before, I'm going to have a debate with The Parasite. Thanks for posting this...I needed the reminder you've captured in your last stanza...or, at least, the one I sense. I won't try and recreate it. I'm glad you did it first.
and half a soul to go