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Passions in Poetry

The Hardest Lowercase Sessions: pt. 1

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Child of the Stars
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0 posted 07-09-2003 11:50 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Child of the Stars

upon her plain and weathered back
a photo-tone is sought,
but pebble on her porch will sit,
preparing for a drought.

the stony heartwind dropped her still
neglecting all her thought,
but he is stagnant, standing, framed
and curvatured by doubt.

choose one, or two, or maybe both
would happen on their own;
the pebble sways
and falls below a chest in comatose.

he calls to her, from valiance lost,
while fraying drives the mould:
his company will hold her hand
but ne'er will hold her soul.
© Copyright 2003 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
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1 posted 07-12-2003 10:23 AM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Ohh.. lowercase. e e cummings? I couldn't ever do it. Kudos to you. As for the poem itself

"his company will hold her hand
but ne'er will hold her soul."

Gotta love a poem with a story, especially a sad story. I enjoyed this a lot.

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Child of the Stars
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2 posted 07-12-2003 05:15 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Child of the Stars

Erica...     Thank you, very much...

But I need to say that I would -never- copy another poet's technique just for the sake of copying. Metric schemes, other pointers, yeah, but this is hardly an attempt to be like E.E. Cummings...this is me. These are my heartstrings, the way I see them...   The "lowercase" sessions symbolize inferiority, and eventually, the realization that no man or woman is more valuable than another. Believe me, there's more. But that's just the title.     If I had wanted to copy E. E. Cummings' style, I'd have merely changed the words to one of his prettier works (and then thrashed around in bed over the loss of myself somewhere between the lines).

(By the way, I capitalize his name as a sign of respect to him, just as he used lowercase as a sign of humility.   )

Love you Erica, and I hope everything's going alright...lots of *huuuugs*

  ~Carly

empty arms
and half a soul to go
                     -el sol
                        --Zwan




[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (07-12-2003 10:57 PM).]

Temptress
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3 posted 07-13-2003 02:08 AM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

love your title..
and the last two lines just do the job at the end.
I really don't have an indepth critique since I love this.

You could hurt me with your bare hands. You could hurt me using the sharp edge of what you say. JEWEL

Local Parasite
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4 posted 07-13-2003 03:51 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

The pebble on the porch, asleep
And dreaming of the sun
A brilliant future, just close-by
New life--the pending one.

I couldn't help myself.  
Child of the Stars
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5 posted 07-13-2003 08:13 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Child of the Stars

You're not forgiven.

Thank you, Temptress... I'm not that concerned about those in-depth critiques, anyway.

  ~Carly

empty arms
and half a soul to go
                     -el sol
                        --Zwan

Marshalzu
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6 posted 07-23-2003 05:18 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Wonderful Writing Carly

Andy
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7 posted 07-23-2003 07:30 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

this one cuts it deep
Aenimal
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8 posted 07-24-2003 02:17 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

Great write those last few lines sum up alot of people's emotions and rule over alot of relationships. Like the new pic
 
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