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 Moderated by: Poet deVine, Martie   (Admins )

 
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Passions in Poetry

She's Lucky to Have You

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Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


0 posted 07-06-2003 09:18 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Poet deVine



I watch you hold her hand
As she tells you about her day
You concentrate on her words
You listen to what she has to say

You touch her cheek for no reason
she smiles with a secret voice
Of all the women who wanted you
She was your only choice

I hunger for the love she has
Itís something Iíve never shared
Just once to feel secure and loved
As though someone really cared

Tears mark a trail of heartache
On my cheeks in lonely traces
I turn away so I wonít see
Love shining on your faces

© Copyright 2003 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
suthern
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since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


1 posted 07-06-2003 09:22 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

I know this one all too well, lady... you've written those tears perfectly. *S*
Jamie
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since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


2 posted 07-06-2003 10:53 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

~sniff~
Skyfire
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since 12-27-2000
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Riding


3 posted 07-07-2003 08:52 PM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

Been there...

Skyfire owns you - Stinky Twinky

Mysteria
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since 03-07-2001
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British Columbia, Canada


4 posted 07-07-2003 11:27 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Is this the "been there line?" cause if it is you wrote my past pain all too well.  What a great poem - I'm keeping this behind my crock that says, "Ashes of Past Husbands."
timothysangel1973
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since 12-03-2001
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Never close enough


5 posted 07-08-2003 07:27 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

I loved this one Sharon!

You are looking into many souls with this one.
LoveBug
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6 posted 07-10-2003 09:06 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Been there, done that too many times. I like how you are so honest with this one, it's easy for many of us to relate to. All the poetry stuff, structure, meter, esc.. are all perfect as well.

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


7 posted 07-13-2003 03:41 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Love is too often a result of people not looking deep enough.  Most of the time when I see it shining on people's faces I just turn my nose up to it.  Haha, I'm such a jerk... nevermind...

I'd say you're not one to settle, and that's why love is still pending for you--because you're looking for something genuine, for "truth" as you said earlier.  That's going to get you where you want to be, rest assured.

One of the things I like most about this poem is the meter.  How in the last line you put the word "Love" out of your meter scheme, to let it stick out and force the reader to land heavily on that syllable.  It really made the word stick out, which I think is effective use of meter.  Me, I haven't gotten past using meter just for the sake of flow.  What can I say?  I'm just a kid.

Great writing, Sharon... please don't worry about whether or not you'll find love.  It's something very special, but you already have much more than most people do.  Be happy.

Much love,
Brian

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Sven
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since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


8 posted 07-14-2003 01:33 AM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

I know this. . .and, while I know that your work doesn't always reflect your life. . . this one just seems to have that voice. . .you know??

great work. . . I miss it. . .

------------------------------------------------------------

I'm tired of pretending I don't love you. . . --Travis Tritt

 
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