navwin » Sanctuary » Poetic Haven » a submission
Poetic Haven
Post A Reply Post New Topic a submission Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2003-06-28 05:24 PM



tears streak across my face, wandering from my eyes
onto the worn out pages of the life i have lived
the pen i hold in trembling fingers
defiying my mind, it swirves in time with the music
all the voices of the past i had forgotten
a picture emerges from the contours of my page
and the crests silently fall up and down
on my fingers now, a long black streak that erased my thoughts
as i only wish i could be erased so easily
yet still my pen moves, pouring out all i had forgotten
my emotions let free on the grimy pages
stained with my blood and tears
and you don't realize how you do anything
but stare into the distance, thats all but a reality
for your fingers to trace over my words
and reflect on the times i was hiding inside of myself
within the creases of yours lies, there on a paper in front of me
i erase my stains with one word
and go on to fill my time with the pen and paper i hold steady in front of me
and all i see is you

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

© Copyright 2003 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2003-06-28 06:18 PM


all the voices of the past i had forgotten
a picture emerges from the contours of my page
and the crests silently fall up and down
on my fingers now, a long black streak that erased my thoughts

====================================
and you don't realize how you do anything
but stare into the distance, thats all but a reality
for your fingers to trace over my words
and reflect on the times i was hiding inside of myself
within the creases of yours lies, there on a paper in front of me
i erase my stains with one word
and go on to fill my time with the pen and paper i hold steady in front of me
and all i see is you

====================================

this is AMAZING...
the depth of emotion is nearly suffocating..
the angst is palpable...
outstanding expression poetess Riley...truly.

All I can feel is this distance between you and me.
I can say I love you but I can't make you believe me
because touching is believing.

c.j.

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
2 posted 2003-06-28 10:14 PM


Janet Marie: I can't thank you enough for the kind compliments..........I would like to submit this for something, but I wanted to get some thoughts on it first...thanks again Janet...


Riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
3 posted 2003-07-13 01:38 PM


One thing I always like about your writing, Riley, is your ability to always make a thought-provoking and significant title.  A lot of people (such as myself) lack that ability, and you should be very proud of yourself for it.

Like Janet, I have to say I love the way you formed your thoughts here, your unique grasp of language and imagery really shines in this piece... the ending took me off guard, but I very much liked it, it brought the whole poem into the title and completed your thoughts beautifully...

Hope everything's okay with you Ri.  Much love, girlie--

Brian

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
4 posted 2003-07-13 07:34 PM


bri....

thank you so much for how nice you are....i was waiting for your thoughts on this, as i can always count on them. i am glad you liked it, as always i enjoyed your comments...


riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
5 posted 2003-07-17 01:39 AM


Great write Riley!

"the pen i hold in trembling fingers
defiying my mind, it swirves in time with the music
all the voices of the past i had forgotten"

I loved that line!


vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
6 posted 2003-07-17 01:53 AM



Riley...wow...you never cease to amaze me with your talent.
You write with the depth of a poet 3 times your age,
and you do it beautifully.
Yet another excellent write from you...I enjoyed.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Sanctuary » Poetic Haven » a submission

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary