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Passions in Poetry

ocean :=: life

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Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


0 posted 06-26-2003 06:46 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

decorated
with lines of
empty vessels
floating by
like idle pastimes
with no passengers
only loads and loads of
parcel deliveries
some marked
returned to sender

the ocean is wide
but with fragile waves
in paper-boat dreams
© Copyright 2003 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


1 posted 06-26-2003 09:50 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

the ocean is wide
but with fragile waves
in paper-boat dreams


interesting mix of image here..the reader expecting the paper boat to be fragile... yet you present the waves as the fragile part and paper boats as dreams..

one could conclude from this that the dreams are even more fragile than the ocean waves...that exist in the dreams.. which logically makes sense.. but the reader has to stop and think about it before it is clear... it is the dream itself that is fragile and subject to the waves it itself has created...

you move here in a sprial that could lead to a chicken or egg argument for what is the first dependency.... but the short imagery and words.. including the return to sender... seem to say it is doomed in some ways to always fall short of the ideal no matter what the root dependency is...


nice piece of work  S... I enjoyed.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


2 posted 06-27-2003 11:02 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Thanks my friend for your wonderful and detailed response...

Glad you liked...

regards
sudhir
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


3 posted 07-07-2003 11:40 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Here you are!  I have been looking for something of yours Sudhir, and every time I do it never disappoints me.  This was truly a masterful piece.
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


4 posted 07-09-2003 05:09 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

gee, thanks Sharon...

regards
sudhir
Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 07-13-2003 01:29 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I don't know, I think I thought too much about the title, because the "paper-boat dreams" to me were dreams that will float one day but will sink another, the "fragile waves" are the elements of life that seem tall and striking but will one day be nothing like they are, just a stillness on the dead water.  Empty vessels with nothing but parcels, some marked "return to sender," well that part I'm not so sure of...

This isn't an easy read, but you seldom are, Sudhir.  I appreciate being made to think, though... it's a happy change from a lot of the things I read nowadays.  Very nicely written.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


6 posted 07-14-2003 04:45 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Sudhir - you do amaze me with the ease of which you write . . .

this is peaceful in its loneliness

reminded me of being driftwood -
floating but tossed about constantly
amazing
xxoo
 
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