How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Sanctuary
 Poetic Haven
 brushing away
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Poet deVine, Martie   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

brushing away (ok LP, here is 501!!! LOL)

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


0 posted 06-19-2003 07:18 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

I brushed away the dirt
that had stuck on my coat
wanting to ward them off:
dark shadows of time passed

they collected themselves
in small heaps of black dust
smearing their crooked hues
upon some holy ground

at last I have managed
to get them off my skin
the tinge of dirt is gone
but stains of them remain

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (06-19-2003 07:19 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


1 posted 06-19-2003 08:53 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Nice metaphor, Sudhir - Our life experiences do leave their mark, don't they?  Well penned, m'friend...
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


2 posted 06-19-2003 11:02 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

yes..a nice use of metaphor..

those stains do however make us who we are... and help us be who we would...

enjoyed this my friend... well done!
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


3 posted 06-19-2003 11:03 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

It's an OK metaphor, kind of simple, definitely no "Lanes of Cacti..."  

quote:
they collected themselves
in small heaps of black dust
smearing their crooked hues
upon some holy ground


That's a really cool stanza.  Crooked hues upon some holy ground... love how you worded that.  Time past will always be with you, but that's OK isn't it?  You don't always have to wear the jacket that has stains on it.  Try taking a stroll in the buff... who's going to see stains that way? (and yes, I am expanding on your metaphor, and yes, I am giving serious advice)

Nicely written Sudhir... great to have you with us here in Sanctuary!  501... woo!!

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


4 posted 06-19-2003 11:11 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

smearing their crooked hues
upon some holy ground
==============================

how very cool is that imagery & personification.

As said before...your worked this metaphor to poetic perfection.
Cool write Sud.
great to have you come play in Sanctuarys sandbox

No matter what the differences
No matter what the cost
When words become our weapons ...
All that's beautiful is lost.

DeVante'

Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


5 posted 06-19-2003 11:42 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Thanks a lot Nan, my friend...

Ron, you are absolutely correct on the advice my friend, thanks...

LP, I know what you mean... not everything can be Lanes of Cacti and I appreciate your wonderful advice as well... I haven't been at PiP enough to do the wanderings of late... I blame it squarely on the increase on the workload that I have seen (which is a good thing, else I could be fired ) ... I do hope to be around more often... Many thanks for your words... is a pleasure to read you, always

Ah, brilliant Janet, thanks for the cool... hope your b-day was well enjoyed...

Thanks to all and many regards too,
Sudhir
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


6 posted 06-19-2003 07:49 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

Nice stains, Sudhir! LOL, I do enjoy the way you look at life.
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


7 posted 06-20-2003 09:46 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

at least if I wore a coat I could just take it off and leave the stains elsewhere...

nice writing as always, Sudhir
hugs
M
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


8 posted 06-25-2003 01:12 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Take a bath! lol! J/K

But anyway, I must add to the list of praises for this metaphor. I love metaphors! Life leaves marks, but I guess it's better to be 'dirty' and live than to be stainless and know nothing. It's good to see you around.

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


9 posted 06-26-2003 06:43 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Thank you all so very much...

Regards
Sudhir
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Sanctuary >> Poetic Haven >> brushing away Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors