Hmm, not bad, Ri, but I think you're lacking a theme here... you seem to have written a lot of dark images and taken them in no particular direction. Sometimes that's a problem with your writing--you have the imagination and the writing talent to conjure some vivid, incredibly striking images, but they often lack direction or purpose.
I don't want you to take my advice as an insult, but I think it would really help you to try and keep in mind the subject matter of your poem, the meaning, while you're writing it... give your poetry more direction and I promise, you'll be happy that you did... it's one thing I had to learn myself a couple of years ago.
Much love to my favourite girl...
Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley