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Passions in Poetry

The Music of Goodbye

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ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


0 posted 06-09-2003 07:03 PM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for ESP

The Music of Goodbye

The music of goodbye
The silent melody
In every word we say.
The tear in every smile,
Each touch burns me
With the joy of pain.

The music of goodbye
The cacophony
Wreaking havoc within.
This is the song I sing,
To the image of an
Immovable soul.

The music of goodbye
It is our harmony
The tug-of-war we play.
Moon never meets ocean,
Though entwined they be
Dancing eternally.

The music of goodbye,
Sinister Polyphony
Side by side far apart.
My heart singing again
Music of my destiny
The music of goodbye.

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

© Copyright 2003 ESP - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


1 posted 06-10-2003 08:19 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Some music writes itself on our hearts..and some music our hearts write... this seems the latter to me..

I hope the refrain itself does not become syncopated and that you find harmony...even in good bye

ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


2 posted 06-10-2003 08:36 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

Thank you CaptHair for your kind reply For me this was one of the poems where I don't really know what mood I was when I wrote it, because I was inside the mood. I only wrote it yesterday but it is one of the nearest to my heart that I've written...well I say that quite often so
But yeah thanks for the response
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


3 posted 06-10-2003 08:48 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Liz... the closest to our hearts seems to always be the last we wrote in some ways..for it is the moment we are closest to at the time...

We all write for different reasons and what ever the reason we write the music of hello or good bye or just ho hum... it sings to us and most likely to others as well... keep writing them... and along the way I think ou'll find a lot of yourself you didn't realize was there.
ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


4 posted 06-10-2003 09:58 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

Cpat...You're right, and I will definitely keep writing Lol yet every time I write something, I swear that's the end of my writing, that I can't "top it"...thank goodness I usally do manage to, or my "best" piece would be really rubbish
Thanks again for replying
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 06-18-2003 01:19 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

The music doesn't hold a candle to the poetry.  

I think this is pretty good, Liz... the repetition was alright but I didn't like how you used it as the closing line, it was kind of predictable...

I like how you kept the rhyme of the second line of each stanza similar.  Harmony, cacophony, polyphony... that was a nice touch.

Well written and thanks for sharing with us in Sanctuary.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

 
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