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Passions in Poetry

Does anybody really see?

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ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


0 posted 06-07-2003 08:41 PM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for ESP

Does anybody really see?
========================

Floating softly on a cloud,
Canít see why it flies.
Fretting fruitlessly am I,
Of that Iím not proud.

Doubt whispers loudly,
Makes me listen to words,
Can words be absurd?
Or am I really cowardly.

Iím not in pain, but it hurts,
An unknown entity by me,
Twisting my soul, no mercy,
Do I need some comfort?

Why would I, thereís no pain,
Iím such a lucky girl.
Look on my forehead thereís curl,
Now you see Iím not insane.

Just a crazy Gemini star,
The hidden half you see,
When I donít seem to be me,
When my cloud floats far.

Hidden voice crying out,
Sometimes Iím afraid,
Of mistakes Iíve made,
Spinning off the roundabout.

So calm, so cool, sometimes,
Happy-go-lucky is me.
Lucky and happy and free,
So why the twisted rhymes?

My cloud is chased by fear,
So see me fretting fruitlessly.
Pushing it aside carelessly,
Erratically moving canít steer.

I should be steering maybe,
Not listening to whispered doubt,
Hold on to the roundabout,
ďStop being such a babyĒ.

My smiles are the most of me,
But frowns of doubt lurk beneath,
Woven into my bittersweet wreath,
Does anybody really see?

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

© Copyright 2003 ESP - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


1 posted 06-08-2003 01:02 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Hey there... I can really relate to this poem. You feel as if you're lucky.. you put on your front but you are in pain as well. Don't feel guilty for being in pain, we all do that sometimes and you have had a bad experience. It's ok to whine sometimes.

But try to focus on the good things without feeling guilty for them!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


2 posted 06-08-2003 02:16 PM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

Thanks Erica Yeah that's exactly right...I'm glad it made some degree of sense....I was certainly wondering...
Thanks for replying, cya around!
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


3 posted 06-08-2003 06:44 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

I agree.  This world is full of phonies.  Hehe, sorry I just read "The Catcher in the Rye."  But really, this is a good poem with a good sense of brutal irony.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


4 posted 06-18-2003 01:24 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

ESP, I don't really like this kind of poetry for the most part (the introspective stuff), because I think poetry should have some kind of universal meaning to it as opposed to just a personal expression.  But you've written this in such a way that it doesn't just express yourself, but provoke the same thought in the reader... does anybody really see anyone?

It's a good concept... you've done it nicely.  I'd say this is one of the best I have read from you.  Great work...

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

 
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