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Passions in Poetry

Seasick and the morning pancakes

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Allysa
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Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


0 posted 06-05-2003 12:49 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Allysa

Too many pancakes to flip
and she can't reach them all
or maybe she's run out of spatulas
like she ran out of time
and lost all capacity for love.

Her life is stiched bacwards
and inside out, it hangs from
the cloud she carries over her head
and slings over her shoulder
filling it with books to heavy to carry
without some help.

Dirty hair she fiercly pins down
smearing paint with the blood
from the spot on her chin
she did a search on google
for her life and found out that
she never had one.

Sadness and despair
never mattered much, if she takes the time
to analyze the situation she would realize
she used him to find the dandylions
hidden within the rocks making lumps
in her blood stream, she still needs his
hand to hold, needs to hear his voice everyday
so she makes routine calls to him
just to reassure herself that her lifeline is still there.

Co-dependent syrup on her sticky pancakes
covers her fingertips, dripping into the mess of
blood and paint, the realization disappears
and she attempts to make sense of the motions
that she goes through everyday, not wanting to
notice that once you realize it, you can spot the
ones with no hope from a mile away.

In a world full of dreams, you learn to live sea sick.
© Copyright 2003 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


1 posted 06-05-2003 05:41 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

wow... pancakes, syrup, paint and blood... I may never eat breakfast again...

Seriously...an interesting write that seems to layer an extended metaphor underneath images that at times seem to add a touch of sureal....

the lines about searching for your life on Google and finding out you didn't have one a nice touch, but almost seems like an afterthought and out of context with the rest of the metaphor used....

all in all.. I enjoyed.

Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 06-15-2003 10:36 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Haha, I love your closing line... I laughed at the "coolness" factor of this poem which is through the roof, as is most of yours.  I love your style of taking mundane, everyday concepts and mixing them into your metaphors.  You've really mastered that art, I have to say...

I liked the part about the dandilions that make lumps in your bloodstream.  Ewww!  You're WEIRD!!

Mwa
Brian


Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (06-15-2003 10:37 AM).]

Marshalzu
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since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


3 posted 07-27-2003 05:25 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

This is such a wonderful read, I had to read it a couple of times. Thanks for sharing this with us

Andy
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


4 posted 07-28-2003 12:24 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

The cancer of doubt. Really enjoyed this.

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (07-28-2003 12:25 PM).]

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 09-07-2000
Posts 1972
Ann Arbor, MI


5 posted 07-28-2003 04:13 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Child of the Stars

Modern life in a nutshell, eh? Grand, isn't it...

  ~Carly

"How inimitably graceful children are in general before they learn to dance!"
           --Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


6 posted 07-28-2003 09:29 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

wow.. i feel really really special guys..
 
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