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Passions in Poetry

Staring At Storms

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Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


0 posted 06-02-2003 09:30 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Cpat Hair


The rain slithered down my window,
Serpent that it was,
Constricting my movements
With its smothering coils of wind
Leaving me wrapped,
Entwined in thoughts that crushed
Fragile ribs surrounding
Even more delicate memories
Until I could not breathe
A single breath of you.


Id cry
But even the tears
hissed at me
© Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


1 posted 06-02-2003 12:31 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

CPatHair~
I found this totally captivating~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Midnitesun
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since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


2 posted 06-02-2003 12:43 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

I'm sending you a rainbow
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


3 posted 06-02-2003 02:49 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

and to top that off? Your cheer up buddy wants to beat her own uterus with a hammer!



I tell ya, some days it just doesn't pay to get up in the morning.

This is beautifully sad. Do you think you could write some equally lovely for MY condition?
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


4 posted 06-02-2003 03:37 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

"Id cry
But even the tears
hissed at me"

Let me try to tell you what those lines provoked in the span of a millisecond...

I simultaneously sucked in my breath, jerked my head up a bit and visualized tears sliding down your face with little serpent heads on them......geez you are good!!! (Either that or I need therapy)

Susan C.
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


5 posted 06-02-2003 09:44 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine


There are no storms outside my window and still I cry. Sad one sir...
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


6 posted 06-02-2003 10:25 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

'Entwined in thoughts that crushed
Fragile ribs surrounding
Even more delicate memories
Until I could not breathe
A single breath of you.'

LOL @ Susan.  Ditto that and I think it's a bit of both...
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 06-03-2003 09:31 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Yes, tears run that hot
that hiss at one's folly...

Excellent.
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


8 posted 06-04-2003 08:59 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Ron:

this is brilliant - the tear shissing - I actually pictured hissing through sharp pointed teeth like a rapid feline . . .

I think I need therapy lol

brilliant writing
xxoo
Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


9 posted 06-04-2003 09:33 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

thanks to all of you... for the time and the comments, you are all far too kind..
Now... as for the ones who say they need therapy or have questions as to whether they need therapy... LMAO.. join the crowd... take anumber and get in line.

sincerely..thank you all again.

Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


10 posted 06-05-2003 11:42 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is one of the ones that I managed to miss, so I'm sorry for the late reply.  But hey, you get a bump, so it's not all that bad is it?

This poem is a great example of the poetic imagination.  Looking at the storm inspires so many thoughts in you that it nearly brings you to tears, as you describe... but even the tears would hiss at you... what an interesting concept.  I think that I understand, though.  Crying is like opening up all the old wounds to bleed again.  If the storm would inspire such sorrow in you, actual tears would be infinitely worse, so you feel that you must hold it in...

You, my friend, have the soul of a poet.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


11 posted 06-05-2003 12:22 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Bri...if I have the soul of a poet I can only say it is too bad I do not have the skill set to go with it

thanks for the comments bud... they are noted and appreciated.

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


12 posted 06-08-2003 07:12 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

A beautifully constructed image describing another image, which inturn probably describes something still deeper.  You have created a multi-levelled metaphor to describe the speaker's distress in this poem.  

This is definitely one for my library - a jem for any lovers of metaphor out there!

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 09-20-2001
Posts 1479
Universal Mind


13 posted 06-08-2003 08:35 PM       View Profile for aries_luv_ppl   Email aries_luv_ppl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit aries_luv_ppl's Home Page   View IP for aries_luv_ppl

I wish I write half as good as you do

Eliza Simmons
~Every girl has a dream within.
~Yesterday insult, today gain.

ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


14 posted 06-10-2003 08:39 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

'Entwined in thoughts that crushed
Fragile ribs surrounding
Even more delicate memories
Until I could not breathe
A single breath of you.'
----------------------

WOW!!! That's amazing, it's like something I've felt but never been able to express and this says it perfectly
luv, liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


15 posted 06-10-2003 08:51 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

thank you all..for the comments and nice thoughts... they are appreciated!
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


16 posted 06-10-2003 05:49 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

The storm strikes with its images here...

The write is captivating, my friend...

regards
sudhir
 
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