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Passions in Poetry

Puppy’s Dream

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aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 09-20-2001
Posts 1479
Universal Mind


0 posted 06-01-2003 05:32 PM       View Profile for aries_luv_ppl   Email aries_luv_ppl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit aries_luv_ppl's Home Page   View IP for aries_luv_ppl

Puppy’s Dream

Watch your step, my dear puppy.
You think you are on high
Climbing the tree away from me,
But then you look up the sky
Trying to catch the moon,
Only to find the moon is too far away,
Falling down on the ground with a sob.

Watch your step, my dear puppy.
Can you lend me an attention tonight?
I walked around for twenty years,
But I could never identify my footprints.
I studied around for twenty years,
Yet I still don't know what's right.
Puppy tells me I'm not far away-
    From the light.

I hope I can be carefree with the moon.
The moon is but a seemed fantasy, of a trick.
People say catch, catch the moon,
I say catch, catch my breath.
Breathing with the flowers near,
Observing the moon from down below,
A better day I have than touching the moon.

But I'm not carefree with the moon.
Once in a while I will want to fly
To the moon and sit on the cloud,
To hear the wind sing in ensemble
And the sky to change its hue as my hat.
Once in a while I will have feet off the ground,
And fly to mysterious land of dreams.

(c)April 29, 2003
Eliza Simmons

Eliza Simmons
~Every girl has a dream within.
~Yesterday insult, today gain.

© Copyright 2003 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 06-04-2003 11:03 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

THIS is a REALLY cool poem... wow, I love the concept, "puppy's dream," the title put the most adorable image in my head and the soothing words of your poem were just sweet... overall I think this poem is very, very creative, definitely my favourite from you so far, and another one of yours that I'm putting in my library.  Just because I like your imagination...

Oh and on the critique side, I think you used the word "moon" a little too much.  

Either way, thanks for the great read...

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 06-13-2003 07:06 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

People say catch, catch the moon,
I say catch, catch my breath.
Breathing with the flowers near,
Observing the moon from down below,
A better day I have than touching the moon.

But I'm not carefree with the moon.
Once in a while I will want to fly
To the moon and sit on the cloud,
To hear the wind sing in ensemble
And the sky to change its hue as my hat.

=====================================


This is a very unique write...you've got some wonderful images and personifications.
I could see this one being illustrated for a childrens book.
I love the theme of the moon and all the ethereal images, and the line I bolded above is so cool...a very creative image and personifi.
Well done poetess Eliza.

Im still imagining your voice ...
can see the sparkle in your eyes.
I cant explain your power over me
Its understated understood & beautiful.
cj

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