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Passions in Poetry

oklahoma city (duet with ringo)

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serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


0 posted 05-27-2003 05:47 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for serenity blaze

I feel the sweat
paste my matted hair
to my eyes
as the sweat pours
down my face
through the noise--
I hear you scream my name.
(Music from your lips)
You are so young, so beautiful...
In a crowd you are all I see.
I cannot ignore you...

   Boom-bass-boom baby
   Long fingers are the pounding rain.
   Rhythm rounds
   splay the sound
   against the grain
   inside my chest.
   Trying to break the glass of me
   freedom bounding
   Whisper--free.
   (boom-bass-boom)

Do I tell you--
is it best left alone?
Until the lights are gone?
and we’re alone
making the music of two?
(will we ever meet at all)
Or is this dance, best in the mind,
remembered--in the future
as a chance missed in the past?
Tell me, your heart--
am I who you need?

   The lights are up.
   I dance entranced
   of the trashed malingerings...
   they're gone--
   the napkins and the ribbon's song
   float confetti thoughts of mind
   I shuffle in the lingerings
   and giggle at the throng.

Music still rings
in my ears
as I wander
amongst the crowds.
Backstage?
The women all want me,
their men,
past their years,
just want to be,
as
I wander on...
Another show. Another town.
Road-road weary and forlorn
I burn into my brain
The eyes of a love cost
of never yet to be...I leave--

   she dances in the trash…

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (05-27-2003 06:16 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
KristieSue
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Senior Member
since 01-31-2003
Posts 1555
PA, US


1 posted 05-27-2003 07:05 AM       View Profile for KristieSue   Email KristieSue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit KristieSue's Home Page   View IP for KristieSue

wow you two, that was AWESOME!  I like the way you made it a conversation between two...instead of just one perspective...and the last line was great!!!

Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS

Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


2 posted 05-27-2003 07:56 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Nice job... you two worked well together... got another one planned?
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 05-27-2003 09:14 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Do I tell you--
is it best left alone?
Until the lights are gone?
and we’re alone
making the music of two?
(will we ever meet at all)
Or is this dance, best in the mind,
remembered--in the future
as a chance missed in the past?
Tell me, your heart--
am I who you need?

   The lights are up.
   I dance entranced
   of the trashed malingerings...
   they're gone--
   the napkins and the ribbon's song
   float confetti thoughts of mind
   I shuffle in the lingerings
   and giggle at the throng.

=======================================

very cool imagery and theme here you two...
I love the scene and mood you've created.
I think youre the first of the official duet club list to post. We are off to a great start.
Well done duet guys.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness ... only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate ... only love can do that.
MLK

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


4 posted 05-28-2003 12:04 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Ohhh I loved the imagery in this. Well done you two.

Marilyn.
snowpants
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since 09-16-2000
Posts 2086
KS


5 posted 05-28-2003 03:06 AM       View Profile for snowpants   Email snowpants   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit snowpants's Home Page   View IP for snowpants

"You are so young, so beautiful...
In a crowd you are all I see.
I cannot ignore you..."

"Do I tell you--
is it best left alone?
Until the lights are gone?
and we’re alone
making the music of two?"

I love the whole feel of the poem...excellent verses...you two are excellent together!!

sp  

just a hang-up call and the quiet breathing of our persian we call cajun on a wednesday...

Ringo
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since 02-20-2003
Posts 3696
Saluting with misty eyes


6 posted 05-28-2003 08:35 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

Thank you all, and a very MAJOR thank you to my partner for a huge lesson in writing, and for making this a very pleasurable experience.

Day after day I'm more confused,
So I look for the light through the pouring rain...

Midnitesun
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since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


7 posted 05-28-2003 09:25 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

BRAVO!
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


8 posted 05-28-2003 11:02 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

And thanks to all...and Ringo is being WAY generous.

It was fun to swap the road stories, R, and this poem was a natural for our duet.

I thank everyone for their kindness, and Ringo for his patience. Hugs, Ringo (and to Kristie Sue! )

I take the queen's share, I got to have some fun, write a poem and make TWO new friends!

Hugs to them with thanks to the forum.
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


9 posted 05-28-2003 11:24 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Very cool!!! These duets sure bring out the BEST in everyone.
anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


10 posted 05-29-2003 01:37 PM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

This is a bloody fantastic piece of writing. You two should be very proud of what you've accomplished here and I mean that with upmost sincerity. It's hard sometimes for two people to come together and write a piece that compliments both of their writing styles but the two of you have managed to do this with, what it appears to be, utter ease.

You’ve got beautiful sentence construction with vivid imagery all the way through. The last line really got me, as I prefer solitary finishing lines to full body stanzas. This one line has said so much yet left a lot open.

Be very happy with this. I love it and it's definitely heading into the library.

~AF~

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


11 posted 05-31-2003 07:09 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Oh the imagery is amazing, absolutely love this, well done both of you!

Maree
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


12 posted 06-01-2003 07:16 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

serenity and Ringo...A treat to read from beginning to end!!  
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


13 posted 06-02-2003 08:06 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Hey you two - this is truly a great piece - was waiting for this one to come out and taking two diff styles and meshing them - quite amazing I must say.

felt sad though - made me get the feel for hearing those speakers in your ears - you know?  the ringing?  then imagining their eyes meeting - never to meet at all . . .

nice job guys
xxoo  
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


14 posted 06-04-2003 11:10 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Nice work you guys!  You even got a compliment from EJ, which isn't easy, haha... I liked the music, honestly, even though that was probably just in my head...

I expected just what I got from you guys... well done.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Ratleader
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


15 posted 10-05-2006 01:01 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Awesome is right! Duets always have dynamic levels that poems by a single writer don't, but Golly-gee-whillikers!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Allysa
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since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


16 posted 10-06-2006 02:32 AM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

I liked this so much
that I want to do a duet with you
Miss Serenity, if you please.

<3
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


17 posted 10-06-2006 03:51 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Alyssa?

I would love to give it a shot.

My writing lately though, seems to be the master of me, rather than the other way around, but if we hit on something that my muse finds amusing, I say we give it a go.

I notice you write of New Orleans with particular accuracy and sensitivity.

If you are in town, I know this little place, they are still not open for business, but they are valiantly serving up free coffee (best in town too) and offer a meeting room at no cost, as well as free internet access. The owners of the Fair Grinds are old friends of mine and lovely, generous people. Even in the ruins, the place has great atmosphere and is conducive to muses. so.....?

just in case yer interested.

Drop me a line, either way, k?

I'd be honored to learn from you via duet.
 
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