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Passions in Poetry

Forgiving The Rationalization

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fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


0 posted 05-24-2003 09:25 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for fractal007

I saw myself in my mirror
darkened patches
blackened orbits

My doctors say it's better
scarred surfaces
blurred memories

I stare into this brightened future
knowing I lost my right to love
so many years before this time
Grounded by my youthful crime
dying under those above
I stare into my darkened past

I see him stand before me
blackened patches
darkened orbits

He says it's better
I want to believe
My brother

desire will kill us all
I've opened the wound and
disease is soon to come

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

© Copyright 2003 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 06-01-2003 12:25 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is powerful and touching, Frac... difficult to interpret, of course, but I think that actually adds a lot to the poem by giving the reader more of an ability to relate to the general sense of self-forgiveness, of looking back on one's own past self and trying to see if it's "getting better" or not.

It's sad that you're pessimistic about the future for yourself, Fractal.  I'd offer some words of encouragement if I knew exactly what this poem referred to, but I don't.  Maybe I'll just talk to you later about it?

I like the style this is written in.  It's a good example of the simplicity and bluntness that makes dark poetry so effective, which is exactly why I could never write it myself... the last stanza is perfect and complete, the repeated lines well-selected... overall this is an outstanding poem and deserves more than zero replies.

Glad I took the time to read.  Talk to you later, Kev.

Brian

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

 
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