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Passions in Poetry

Prairie Confessional (Duet with SeaofOKC)

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Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


0 posted 05-23-2003 11:35 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Cpat Hair

There are seas of grass
that grow in bend of stem
when the wind
that never seems to cease
breathes warm

Where we played grownup
on bare chested
sun lolling prairie days

sharing innocence,
child bright summer
waved green envy
as we played hide n seek
with  sunburned  modesty

Naivity lost
among the swaying strands,
the red stained blanket of our youth
discarded along the way
so no eyes should find
juvenile sin then demand
we hail Mary
or our father

before we let life
begin

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (05-23-2003 11:45 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 05-23-2003 11:56 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

This IS PERFECT.

All of it...

NO shkidding.

The opening is as breezy as a perfect day in childhood, and this? THIS? YES!!!

"Naivity lost
among the swaying strands,
the red stained blanket of our youth
discarded along the way
so no eyes should find
juvenile sin then demand
we hail Mary
or our father

before we let life
begin"

The final lines coupled with the possibly (?) metaphorical physical act of loss of virginity (and actually either way, it just doesn't matter here) and the beginning of life...oh my! I'd be jealous, but this is just so good, I can only applaud in admiration.




Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


2 posted 05-23-2003 03:04 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Wonderbar!

One cannot remain naive
on the plains...

for if they cling to that
they soon find themselves
in the dust of time...

Bravo, to the both of you!
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


3 posted 05-23-2003 03:26 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Ah... this is a nice subject to talk about.  Right now I'm babysitting a couple of little brats who seem to have settled down for the moment by playing a game with their action figures.  Polly Pocket and her pet dinosaur... children are precious.  

I love this imagery, the open prairie fields with the wind blowing through the grass, kind of suggesting an agelessness that outlives one's childhood... then, the timeline, really well done.

I liked this very much... great work, you two.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


4 posted 05-23-2003 05:05 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Ser... you girl say the nicest things..lol.... thank you

Sunshine... isn't that the truth? No wonder it is so dusty in the summer time...

LP... kids... hmmm... I like kids...other people's... lol
glad you enjoyed... and thank for the comments bud

sea_of_okc
Senior Member
since 06-15-99
Posts 595
Oklahoma City, OK, USA


5 posted 05-24-2003 11:57 AM       View Profile for sea_of_okc   Email sea_of_okc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sea_of_okc

This turned out to be a wonderful work thanks to Ron's editing skills. I tossed in a few phrases which Ron meshed seamlessly into the spirit of the poem. Free verse has never been my strength but I enjoyed the experience. Thanks for reading you guys and Thank you Ron for expanding my poetic horizons.
fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


6 posted 05-24-2003 09:29 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Interesting poem.  I like the last few lines.  You seem to be subtly personifying the setting of the poem while having the speaker[s] speak of him/her/their self at the same time.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


7 posted 05-25-2003 12:26 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

There are seas of grass
that grow in bend of stem
when the wind
that never seems to cease
breathes warm

Where we played grownup
on bare chested
sun lolling prairie days

sharing innocence,
child bright summer
waved green envy
as we played hide n seek
with  sunburned  modesty

Naivity lost
among the swaying strands,
the red stained blanket of our youth
discarded along the way
===================================

I love the mix of imagery and personification in this..the two combined created a soulful, wistful, return to memories. Like an old photograph takes us back to a moment in time.
very cool you two.
And I see there is a second offering from your dueting pens..so I am off to see if Steve got Ron to rhyme on that one

Darkness cannot drive out darkness ... only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate ... only love can do that.
MLK

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


8 posted 10-03-2006 12:27 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Two down, and how many to go?

Friends, read these two beautiful voices, that sang here once. Miss them. Think of a way to encourage one or both of them to come back. We lose too many of our best.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

 
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