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Local Parasite
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since 2001-11-05
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Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 2003-05-20 11:36 PM


(written having put to sleep a toddler so distressed with bed-time that it brought him to crying)

Sonnets for my nephew

O nephew, whom the sleepy hours taunt--
Thou being thick with innocence and woe
Wherefore canst thou not, to thy chamber, go
When nine the clock hath rung?  What sorrows haunt
Thy vision, and what monsters lurk in wait
To see thy curtain close, thine eyelids fall
That they might feast upon thee?  What doth crawl
To lure thee outward from thy peaceful state
Into a fit of crying?  There is not
An eye upon thee in the night, no plans
Or dark conspiracy--fold not thy hands
In horror--no, let horrors be forgot
And turn instead thy senses to a close
But for a good-night kiss upon the nose.

For I have seen them all, the closet beasts
Who fill the air with threats that they exist
To lick thy skin and taste thee, and persist
To draw thee into some exotic feast--
I have exposed a blade myself, to fend
Them backward, to their dark, infernal pits
And threw my own self to ecstatic fits
Of biting nails--and how my bites did rend
Them dull! Behold my hand awhile, and see
What now remaineth--trimm'd by tooth and worry
As if I, in some ever-pressing hurry
Did bite them once, and still to biting flee
When I myself am victim to the wraiths
That tease me out of scientific faiths.

But there is not a tear so justly spill'd
By one with eyes so innocent as thine
So I advise, for not the sorrows pine
But for the time thy tiny ear is fill'd
Once more with chiming motion in the halls
That lift thee with the drowsy, waking voice
Of morning--And the then-more-pressing choice
Of cereals and milk, when loving calls
From mother cradle thee into the day--
There is no darkness here, no silent grind
Of echo in thy oft-unsettl'd mind,
There drift not brilliant colours into grey
That cannot wake, as thou wilt, when the shine
Of morn doth rouse those drowsy eyes of thine.

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (05-21-2003 01:03 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2003-05-21 12:01 PM


These are just the sweetest...

I think you have just convinced ME that sleep is not a punishment...

and it occurs to me right now, that I have bragged on your writing so much to others, and so seldom to you.

There is no critique for you. I read and just wonder: "How'd he do that?"

Your command of formal language never sounds forced or stilted--I'm convinced you are a time traveler.

Thank you for the bedtime sonnets--maybe no nightmares tonight. Hugs you. You have managed to both astonish and soothe me. And if it's true that you read these to your nephew, I would have loved to have seen that.

A touching scene indeed.

And? about this writing talent of yours?




Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2003-05-21 12:48 PM


the moth will be back when her eyes are actually functioning

oh..hey groovy bug boyeeee....
when you have a min...Ive a poem floating in open... a slight revision of a older poem from (open 16)...
Id love your input on the line breaks...
they are always a pain...
they get in the way of a long winded moths alliterations
night Bri...
night Sen ...
night poetry land...
night jon boy ( bon jovi) heh

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
3 posted 2003-05-21 01:09 AM


Serenity - Thanks for the sweet response... I'm glad you found these enjoyable.  It's quick poetry, sure, I just came downstairs once I put him to bed and jotted them down.  No, I didn't read them to him, and I'm not going to risk going and waking him up to do so now that he's sleeping.  He wouldn't have the attention span to listen.  Maybe when he's older I'll show them to him, and see if he remembers that night.

Thank you for your compliments.  No, I'm not a time-traveller, but you'd really think so with my taste in books...

JM - Of course I'll check out your poem when I have a minute or ten.  I peek now and notice that you stole my invisible "edited by" trick!  You must REALLY pay too much attention to my posts.  

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-05-21 08:16 AM


Now.... I have no idea how you write this way or maintain the use of language and of meter as you do... but I do know.. you are damned good at...


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2003-05-21 09:14 AM


O nephew, whom the sleepy hours taunt--
Thou being thick with innocence and woe
Wherefore canst thou not, to thy chamber, go
When nine the clock hath rung?  What sorrows haunt
==============================

But there is not a tear so justly spill'd
By one with eyes so innocent as thine
So I advise, for not the sorrows pine
But for the time thy tiny ear is fill'd

Once more with chiming motion in the halls
That lift thee with the drowsy, waking voice
Of morning--And the then-more-pressing choice
Of cereals and milk, when loving calls
From mother cradle thee into the day--
There is no darkness here, no silent grind
Of echo in thy oft-unsettl'd mind,
There drift not brilliant colours into grey
That cannot wake, as thou wilt, when the shine
Of morn doth rouse those drowsy eyes of thine.

====================================


You are a living, breathing sonnet...A lean ,mean rhyming machine
I do so love the places you find your inspiration in.
Your a lesson in the art of knowing poetry is everywhere.
These are beautiful verses...you take the classic language and style and put your own signature on it, make it your own and make it look like its second skin.
Thats as impressive as the poetic result.
Me? I give em Benadryl. JUST KIDDING!! LOL

Edit code? I think your fellow Canadian, poetess Mysteria sent it to me a long time ago..Im a left handed moth..I need all the help I can get. LOL

I refuse to accept that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism & war that the daybreak of peace can never be reality.
MLK

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
6 posted 2003-05-23 03:06 PM


Ron - Well you'd better figure it out if you want a collaboration with me, hm?  Maybe...

JM - Oh you sweet girl... nah, I'm not a sonnet... sonnets are too short.  I actually intended this to be a sonnet, but then I ended up drawing it into a second and then finally a third one.  I really can't write short poetry, 'cause I always end up having more that I want to say.  Sigh...

Love where I find inspiration?  Heh, well, if you were as useless as I am you'd have lots of quiet time to just sit around and stare into space thinking about what your next poem's going to be about.     Thanks for your compliments, always...

As for the edit code.  That was me first!  Everyone does that now!  Grr...

kaile
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
7 posted 2003-06-03 07:35 AM


Hey, i never knew sonnets can actually be that enjoyable! (guess i'm sheding unfavourable light on my ignorance)

quote:
And the then-more-pressing choice
Of cereals and milk, when loving calls


These 2 lines made me smile...and for me, they were a testimony as to the amount of empathy and understanding that have gone into creating this piece...the seeing of things from your nephew's eyes...

Kudos for this delightful read



Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
8 posted 2003-06-03 09:30 AM



When the time comes, as it surely will?

You are going to be an excellent father.

Skyfire
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since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
9 posted 2003-06-04 01:54 AM


*points at the screen with a soft "woah"*

  Brian... you are my hero... and right now that's saying something lol.

Wow, I'm totally floored. Wanna write me a poem?


littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
10 posted 2003-06-04 08:56 AM


Brian:

as I have said before
an old soul . . .

this is so beautiful in its simplicity
and magnificient in its deliverance.

xxoo

Allysa
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Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
11 posted 2003-06-04 12:50 PM


I'm starting to think I should be studying for these evil finals... yep... but my first one isn't for,oh, two and a half hours, so I'll stop rambling now and get to the point...

Once again, I must bow down to you, Brian.  You are amazing, truly amazing and I enjoy everthing of yours that I am so privleged to read.  

Replying to your work is always a hard task for me because I want to provide a reply deserving of the work, and that is impossible. My appreciation for formal language is strengthened with your works- they always sound so proper!  All of the hatred that I find into Shakespeare is matched by love that I discover in your work.  I hope that last sentence made sense because my brain has become cottage cheese in the past few days.  

Once again, I applaud you.  Excellent job.

(guess what- I finally discovered this forum! yay for me..!)

LoveBug
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since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

12 posted 2003-06-05 09:42 PM


This is just too cute and sweet... they have a lot of depth too. I always liked the kids stories that you can dig into and find really philosophical undertones. The meter was perfect (of course, it's Brian), and to me it's like a sweet little lullaby. I can imagine you fending off the monsters that the baby imagines *sigh* My hero!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
13 posted 2003-06-05 11:33 PM


LP

I believe you are a most worthy person and poet...and someday, if I am still around, I will be able to say I knew him...because I think you are going places even now!   for this sweetness in you.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
14 posted 2003-06-06 08:48 AM


I'm just going to smile, nod my head in your direction and commend you on a job well done.

You've mastered the style, Mr Lee.

~AF~

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

15 posted 2003-06-07 09:35 PM


This is a very enjoyable collection of sonnet-stanzas.  Once again you have combined "poetic diction" with an issue that, though probably not new, still has modernday relevance.  Nicely done poetry.  I'll be storing this to my library.

BTW, I saw Titus, the recent movie adaptation of Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus.  Has anyone else seen it?  What did you think of it?

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
16 posted 2003-07-26 01:37 AM


I admit I'm still afraid to read your poetry because I still don't know how to comment..you know you're far better than me...I'm not worthy to be considered a poet..urhhh yeah..anyways I need to lay off the vodka.. but how do you do it?

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
17 posted 2003-07-26 03:06 AM


There is no darkness here, no silent grind
Of echo in thy oft-unsettl'd mind,
There drift not brilliant colours into grey
That cannot wake, as thou wilt, when the shine
Of morn doth rouse those drowsy eyes of thine.


Brian, this is so sweet. I could almost see you reading these to your little nephew while you had him in your arms.

You know, you have the most beautiful way of writing. You write like the classic poets. You are so talented. I wish I could write like you do.

Thanks for sharing this wonderful tender poem with us.  
Hugs  
Ethel



[This message has been edited by garysgirl (07-26-2003 03:13 AM).]

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
18 posted 2003-07-27 12:35 PM


again I say...
I dont know how you do it
you seem to breathe this stuff

I swear I could have read this back in highschool Shakespeare section

you are that good
I am ignorant yes of this style
but I just see....seamless..
deep....beautiful verse

youse the master at this

awesome Brian

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
19 posted 2003-07-27 11:17 PM


Powerful images in the second sonnet and superb usage throughout. Funny how something once thought of as punishment is now the greatest gift i can ask for.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

20 posted 2003-07-28 12:29 PM


You can bring dignity to any situation. I tip my hat.
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
21 posted 2003-07-28 10:28 PM


"And turn instead thy senses to a close
But for a good-night kiss upon the nose."

Brian, this was absolutely delightful.  The flow, the rhythm, the choice of wording ... just wonderful. I enjoyed this thoroughly from start to finish. Really well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit


anawnda
Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113

22 posted 2003-07-28 11:07 PM


ey!!!! remember me? been away for a long time been busy with my band, were called "sex-ed in cuba" =), hope you check out my comeback poem, i really value your opinion, great poem btw, you never fail to impress me......


* you can hurt me...with your bare hands,or
you can hurt me using the sharp edge of what you said.....* jewel kilcher

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