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Passions in Poetry

Gifts of the Emporium (a duet with Cpat Hair)

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serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


0 posted 05-19-2003 04:47 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for serenity blaze

Intoward an outward sting
of showers falling from the eyes
of another weeping there
peeking from the clouds
needle droplets flagellate
cleansing nails in pound of palm
there is a point beyond despair
where mercy medicates the bleed.

Still scars in escape ache
with weight pulled insight
bearing hard edged rough to callous
even tender's plead
and tossed into callow hands
virgin splits asunder
such plodding prods of this
the street

Startled as she sees herself
in the plate glass of a store
she walks and traces finger path
upon the foggy glass
peering through the line of grace
trying to see within...
Gifts of the Emporium
treasures just beyond her reach.
She left her handprints on the pane
as proof that she once wanted more
and walked, now wary of the brick--
she changed her gait
to suit the avenue

that wends it way with uneven stone
among the alleys narrow sleep
where behind the lace eyed windows
some do lie
while others peep,
cautious of the ones below
who peer in hopes of skin in sight
that they might say they too
saw her
the city
revealed.

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (05-19-2003 10:54 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
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1 posted 05-19-2003 04:49 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

LOL..only some Cajun would think of Emporium

for us hillbillies it was the general store


serenity blaze
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2 posted 05-19-2003 05:52 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Just for the record, Cap? Cajuns don't even think "general store".

They just go "up front." And if dey make groceries, it's just because da Pig hadda sale....



Duncan
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since 08-07-2001
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3 posted 05-19-2003 06:43 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

'Startled as she sees herself
in the plate glass of a store
she walks and traces finger path
upon the foggy glass
peering through the line of trace
trying to see within...
Gifts of the Emporium
treasures just beyond her reach.
She left her handprints on the pane
as proof that she once wanted more
and walked, now wary of the brick--
she changed her gait
to suit the avenue'

Nice write you two!  'Emporium'...yep, that's our Sen.  See ya'll down at the Piggly-Wiggly!  
Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


4 posted 05-19-2003 06:53 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Great duet!! (tis easy when both partners are excellent)

And who in the blazes (no pun intended) named that chain Piggly Wiggly? I've always wondered about that.
Cpat Hair
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5 posted 05-19-2003 07:08 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

LOL... the partners here just let Ser write... how can one not look good when you write with someone as good as Ser?

serenity blaze
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6 posted 05-19-2003 09:58 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

ya'll know better'n that.

(the man hadda whip over me, the entire time! Lausy! It was terrible!)

Thank you cap.

Yer a gentleman AND one helluva poet.



Local Parasite
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7 posted 05-20-2003 11:31 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I'm curious who did the last stanza.  I like how the meter picks up and skips along in that one, really flows nicely into the climax.  I loved the imagery, someone standing in the rain and looking into a window at, well, gifts of the Emporium... then nope, walks away, changes her gait to match the avenue (I LOVED that part), for she only once wanted more, but not anymore...

It's almost sad, really... but I still like the message of this one.  I found it was almost optimistic in the ending.  Great work, you two...

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Janet Marie
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8 posted 05-20-2003 11:43 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Im guessing Ron did the last verse?
The imagery in this is sooooo cool you two...
but then how could it not be with such master poets taking up pens.
But it tis the emotions and the way they are visualized that is the real star of this duet.

there is a point beyond despair
where mercy medicates the bleed.

Still scars in escape ache
with weight pulled insight
bearing hard edged rough to callous
even tender's plead

---

She left her handprints on the pane
as proof that she once wanted more
and walked, now wary of the brick--
she changed her gait
to suit the avenue
---

cautious of the ones below
who peer in hopes of skin in sight
that they might say they too
saw her
the city
revealed.



duet to us again soon, pretty please

I refuse to accept that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism & war that the daybreak of peace can never be reality.
MLK

Local Parasite
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9 posted 05-20-2003 01:50 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Weird... I guessed Serenity did the last stanza, because Ron has said he doesn't do rhyme or meter... and the meter was so distinct in the last stanza.

But hey, we'll let them tell us.  If they want.  

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (05-20-2003 01:51 PM).]

Cpat Hair
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10 posted 05-20-2003 02:11 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

LMAO.... LP.... I wrote the last stanza.

Janet Marie
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11 posted 05-20-2003 02:16 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

maybe KA is starting to rub off on him

shes like that ya know.. she grows on ya
Cpat Hair
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12 posted 05-20-2003 02:26 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

LOL..JM... in writing a duet I believe it is important to blend the styles and adopt the voice of the one you are writing with or create another unique one. Meter and rhyme are not foreign to me...but you are correct in the fact I was attempting to follow Ser's style and so the fact you say she may have rubbed off on me perhaps shows I was somewhat successful in my attempt.

I think Ser the stronger style in our attempt, and by far the better poet. She wrote the most of this with me providing the transitions and the ending... let her write and she's bound to write something worthwhile, all I had to do was run along behind and try to keep up.

Local Parasite
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13 posted 05-20-2003 02:28 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Hah... I know the feeling, Ron... I've done it before myself.  Yes, she is really something.  
Cpat Hair
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14 posted 05-20-2003 02:35 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

LP.. i have trouble imagining you trying to keep up with anyone... LOL... I could see Ser challenging you in subject matter perhaps but not in form or style...I'd venture a guess the two of you are equally strong in that respect.

Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
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Ontario, Canada


15 posted 05-20-2003 03:57 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Bravo....great duet. I can't believe the speed of the writing...lol.
serenity blaze
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16 posted 05-20-2003 05:27 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

geeez...blush, but laughing too. Ya'll really need to know that the cap made some subtle edits as we wrote--painlessly too! (I don't MIND being edited when it's right! )

And?

LP, the optimistic ending gave it away. I'd have had her jumping off the ferry or something.

And? yanno? Both of you guys are just so easy to write with--I'd love to see you two duet.

Oh.

Well.

Ya'll know what I mean.

er..Doncha?

Local Parasite
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17 posted 05-20-2003 10:09 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Serenity?

Seems like he's a bit of a player when it comes to Duets.  He's even got a thread open offering himself up to just anybody.

Sheesh... there's a word for people like that, ya know...
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


18 posted 05-20-2003 11:37 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

"there's a word for people like that..."

smile.

Yes. So I have heard.



And?

Thank you for the yummy compliments--I imagine I'll be reading soon. My head is still noisy these days, and I think I'm just writing out of habit. But hugs to all.

You people are wonderful.
Cpat Hair
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19 posted 05-21-2003 08:14 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Seems like he's a bit of a player when it comes to Duets.  He's even got a thread open offering himself up to just anybody.

Sheesh... there's a word for people like that, ya know


LOL... and that word would be?

Insinuating that I lack the proper decorum and integrity are you LP...

Afraid I'll give writing a bad name?

Or... just jealous you didn't think of it first?

LMAO....

sea_of_okc
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since 06-15-99
Posts 595
Oklahoma City, OK, USA


20 posted 05-21-2003 09:46 AM       View Profile for sea_of_okc   Email sea_of_okc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sea_of_okc

Very nice duet you two! Wonderful imagery.

And Cpat I think they are suggesting you are a poetic man-ho.
I saw the thread you started and am working on a couple stanzas to send your way but be gentle with me I've never partnered another man before... LOL
Cpat Hair
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21 posted 05-21-2003 09:54 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

LOL.. now I'm always gentle...the first time.. LMAO.

look forward to seeing what you come up with to work on....

Now..as for them calling me a manho..
I think my feeling are hurt... :<

Nah not really.. LOL... I was bored yesterday and bored of late with my own writing and ideas... just thought it would be fun to play off of others thoughts for a bit and to try and match styles with numerous people in a relatively short time period and force myself to stretch a bit...

LP is just worried I'll try to write too much rhymed meter and butcher the form he so loves....and I can't say I blame him for being worried..rhyme is not my strong point...

wranx
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Moved from a shack to a barn


22 posted 05-21-2003 11:23 AM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

See? not a man-ho at all. He's just one o' them birds that lays eggs in other birds' nests.

hehe
Cpat Hair
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23 posted 05-21-2003 11:26 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

LOL... so I am a parasitic creature that would benefit from using others???

Ed... now I am hurt...

Geez.... and here I thought I was just being social...

this keeps up and I'll have to look for my own shack down by the river somewhere and hide for a while until people forget how terrible I am..

LMAO

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart


24 posted 05-23-2003 03:10 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


oH GOOd gRACIOUS SAKEs aLIVE....

me got to get out of open more
and into sanctuary....

darrrrrnnnnnnnn
 
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