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Passions in Poetry

The Aspect of Love

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Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 05-03-2003 03:02 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

The Aspect of Love

When morning doth its great eternal shine
Return to cut thine eyelids loose from sleep
That thou art risen, o, when that time cometh
When sheets of summer, slick with love's decline
Slide from thy form and to the carpet creep
For now unwantedness, and down thee runneth
A cold sweat from a passion now imprison'd--
No, wear no vesture now that thou art risen.

Thou host of waking hours, and of night,
Who hast, in that vast garden of perfection
Spent moments long and far oblivious
To any of thy senses--hold the light
Of morn, and with that lantern, shun reflection
To draw thy senses 'round thyself, and thus
Regard the majesty that doth recline
As some great Goddess 'pon her Earthly shrine.

Wherefore dost thou, in such distressing tones
Decieve her with sweet lies of normalcy?
And wherefore, with sincerest, firm conviction
Describ'st thou all her features, when 'pon stones
Thou see'st the blood-rich corpse of jealousy?
No, bind her not with such impure restriction,
For she hath beauty starker and more fierce
Than mere idealism e'er could pierce.

Now, with this light, regard thy love in slumber--
That steady breath that doth so agitate
Her stillness, and be mindful of thine own,
For thou didst, with thy lovings, chill and numb her
To such a peaceful, melancholy state
As thou see'st now--each wild, ecstatic moan
That through thy skull doth still, in echo, ring
Hath shrunk into a frail and simpler thing.

Dost thou remember that empassion'd flare
That lit the night, and lit thine eyes with thunder?
Ript open day's attire, and there did plunder
For pleasure, and for that impending scare
Of sweet release?  And how that nudity
Did so reveal thee--the dark did paint with sin
Where thou would'st see the marks upon her skin
And rather, feel the direst sympathy.

Years prior, in her childhood did she lay
Upon the leaves and flowers of the garden?
Perhaps a beetle, red and spotted black
Did crawl upon her finger, and did rest--
And she, her vision knowing all, knew best
But better with the years, her gaze did harden
And tore beneath the markings on its back
To see its truth, and screaming, cast the fiend away.
© Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 05-03-2003 07:37 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

oh yes........
the moth will be back...
this you can count on

You're the best I've ever felt ...
it's so wrong not to be with you.
It's getting harder to stay away,
it stops my heart just to be with you.

SH

LoveBug
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since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


2 posted 05-04-2003 12:26 AM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Dost thou remember that empassion'd flare
That lit the night, and lit thine eyes with thunder?
Ript open day's attire, and there did plunder
For pleasure, and for that impending scare
Of sweet release?  And how that nudity
Did so reveal thee--the dark did paint with sin
Where thou would'st see the marks upon her skin
And rather, feel the direst sympathy.


My goodness... I love how you set up this piece.. comparing past occurances to those that have occured. Personifying love, in a way... a difficult feat that you have done well..

But, in the last stanza.. is that red and black beetle a LOVEBUG?!?!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 05-04-2003 07:01 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

When morning doth its great eternal shine
Return to cut thine eyelids loose from sleep
That thou art risen, o, when that time cometh
When sheets of summer, slick with love's decline
Slide from thy form and to the carpet creep
For now unwantedness, and down thee runneth
A cold sweat from a passion now imprison'd--
No, wear no vesture now that thou art risen.

Thou host of waking hours, and of night,
Who hast, in that vast garden of perfection
Spent moments long and far oblivious
To any of thy senses--hold the light
Of morn, and with that lantern, shun reflection
To draw thy senses 'round thyself, and thus
Regard the majesty that doth recline
As some great Goddess 'pon her Earthly shrine.
=======================
Thou see'st the blood-rich corpse of jealousy?
No, bind her not with such impure restriction,
For she hath beauty starker and more fierce
Than mere idealism e'er could pierce.

Now, with this light, regard thy love in slumber--
That steady breath that doth so agitate
Her stillness, and be mindful of thine own,
For thou didst, with thy lovings, chill and numb her
To such a peaceful, melancholy state
As thou see'st now--each wild, ecstatic moan
That through thy skull doth still, in echo, ring
Hath shrunk into a frail and simpler thing.

Dost thou remember that empassion'd flare
That lit the night, and lit thine eyes with thunder?
Ript open day's attire, and there did plunder
For pleasure, and for that impending scare
Of sweet release?  And how that nudity
Did so reveal thee--the dark did paint with sin
Where thou would'st see the marks upon her skin
And rather, feel the direst sympathy.


==============================

Ya know....just when I think you've mastered the vocab, phrasing and language, you take it to another level.
I doubt this mere moth possesses the poetic terminology needed to crit this gem of pen.
First of all...does this rhyme scheme have a name??? It looks difficult...until you write it.
The tense you write this in...as well as the personification makes it so cool...but for me its the phrasing and vocab,the word choices (and the word play) and the use of the old style language that makes this so impressive.

Return to cut thine eyelids loose from sleep
That thou art risen, o, when that time cometh
When sheets of summer, slick with love's decline
Slide from thy form and to the carpet creep
For now unwantedness, and down thee runneth

~~


Dost thou remember that empassion'd flare
That lit the night, and lit thine eyes with thunder?
Ript open day's attire, and there did plunder



You create the drama and emotional conflict with your angsty verses of imagery and personify and the very cool and clever use of questioning lines and couplets and then wrap them up in rhyme divine.
Like I said above...you took this art form and mastered it in previous posts..but now took it to a higher level with this offering.
Me thinks Bill Shakes is smiling
I know this moth is
very cool write poet sir  

You're the best I've ever felt ...
it's so wrong not to be with you.
It's getting harder to stay away,
it stops my heart just to be with you.

SH

JP
Senior Member
since 05-25-99
Posts 1391
Loomis, CA


4 posted 05-04-2003 09:26 PM       View Profile for JP   Email JP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JP's Home Page   View IP for JP

I love the 'classic' feel of this.  Well done, once again.

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
Nil Desperandum, Fata viem invenient

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


5 posted 05-06-2003 06:18 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Brian[May I start calling u that?]:

Your latest piece is yet another in your collection of poetry that ties romantic natural imagery in with human relations.  The poem expresses a very brutal irony, apparently[assuming my interpretation is correct] attacking the jealousy of a man toward a woman loved by another man.  However, if this interpretation is correct your reference to the corpse of jealousy may be misleading.

I do have some qualms with the rhyming scheme.  It seemed less than obvious at times.  I was able to detect your rhyming of the third with third to last lines, a pattern that remained fairly consistent, but elsewhere you seem to have arbitrarilly dotted your poem with couplets here and there, along with rhymes between the first and last lines of a given stanza.  Finally, every stanza but the last features the first line rhyming with the fourth.  However, you achieve a rhyme scheme that, although not always well-defined, remains subtle and effective.

At any rate, I'll be adding this to my library, as I don't think I've yet mined it for all it has to offer.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


6 posted 05-15-2003 11:21 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Erica - YES, it is a lovebug!     Kind of ironic how it's the symbol representing the recognition of false love.  That image was inspired when I was raking the leaves outside and I happened upon some ladybugs, who were crawling all over... there were some on my jeans, too.  And it made me think of how when you're a kid, for some reason, a ladybug isn't gross like another bug... even though it's basically just the same as any old insect.

Thanks for the read and the reply.

JM - You sweetie...

The rhyme scheme has a name... "Mine."     It's just something I've been toying with lately.  I try to keep stanzas fairly organized but sometimes it's difficult to phrase something in such a way that the rhymes always fall into the places they're required to go... so, I'm trying to scatter my rhymes around and make them a bit more unpredictable.  As long as each line has a complimentary rhyme or two, I'm satisfied.

Of course, I still do the strict formatting... I'm just trying to have a bit of fun with mixing it up.

Glad you felt this was a step up for me.  I'm definitely trying to improve...

JP - Thank you for your kind words... yes, I try to recapture the "classic" concept of poetry... I've been greatly influenced by poets from the Romantic era lately, hence the "classic" feel to some of my work... glad you could pick up on it.  

Fractal - Well, maybe I wasn't clear enough on the meaning of this poem... it's more a description of the aspect of love itself, the face of it, the way that it looks... as well as the way that one should look for it.  What I'm trying to demonstrate is how people consider "beauty" to be a question of standard... whether or not someone meets a certain standard for "beauty" is generally how we define it.  It bothers me, how people call each other beautiful however normal their features are, and ugly however abnormal they appear...

I'm arguing that beauty is inherent, it's not based on meeting media standards, it's something that's far deeper and takes more work to appreciate.  It's the understanding of the other, the sympathy that comes with feeling a person's history, life and experience.  The aspect of love is understanding, seeing the marks on the skin and not disregarding them, not looking past them, but feeling the most profound sympathy in regards to them...

Maybe I should revise this poem, if it's at all unclear on that... this is one of my more important works and I don't like to think that I failed in my effort to write it.

As for the rhyme scheme, I've already defended it above... it's something I did intentionally, so lay off.  

Thanks for reading, everyone...

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


7 posted 05-18-2003 07:23 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

LP:

In a vain similar to your arguments concerning this poem it may be that my own interpretation was *inherently* flawed, rather than the actual presentation of the meaning within the poem itself.  I have been known to stray from the poet's original intentions when reading and interpreting a poem.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


8 posted 05-19-2003 12:37 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

"feeling a person. . . "

I like this idea that you've shown here. . . it's one that makes ME think. . .and, I love the way that you've presented it. . . this rhyme scheme that you've come up with works. . .

and, how can we "boldly go" if no one has "boldly gone"??

great work LP. . . you constantly challenge me. . . and that's a good thing. . .

--------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


9 posted 05-19-2003 04:04 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

quote:
I'm arguing that beauty is inherent, it's not based on meeting media standards, it's something that's far deeper and takes more work to appreciate.  It's the understanding of the other, the sympathy that comes with feeling a person's history, life and experience.  The aspect of love is understanding, seeing the marks on the skin and not disregarding them, not looking past them, but feeling the most profound sympathy in regards to them


*shaking me head*
even your replies are pure poetry.
as to the insight in the above words...
the empathy and intent touch me in me mothyheart.

I refuse to accept that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism & war that the daybreak of peace can never be reality.
MLK

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