How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Sanctuary
 Poetic Haven
 when she lost all her blood
 1 2 3 4 5
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Poet deVine, Martie   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

when she lost all her blood

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


0 posted 05-01-2003 03:51 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Riley

the only strokes felt lined the linen on her dress
an old metal helmet with the dust blown off
rested atop the worn out hill
beaten down by the child’s footsteps
blood shed on the valor breath
of the little girl with the auburn hair  
whose father is marching
with a gun by his side
she stands on the hill top
that she had walked upon
as a child that she was when her daddy left
and on the night he died

now she kneels beside his grave
kissing the ground with a single tear
hoping her father up in heaven
understands what she is waiting for
her head upturned as it starts to rain
and she feels in her heart
it is her father crying for her
because he misses her
on the day that he died

every time she visits that hill
it leads her down
by her throat and arm
to the stone that tells of the past, her past
and she cries every time
and turns her head up
as it starts to rain



Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl.

[This message has been edited by Riley (05-01-2003 03:52 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


1 posted 05-01-2003 04:31 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Wow, this is such great writing, I only wish I was could write that well

Andrew
Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


2 posted 05-01-2003 07:13 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

Hey Zu,
That is not true, you can write so awesome. But thanks a lot for replying to this. It is supposed to be about a soldier dying and his daughter crying about it, but i dunno. thanks a ton


riley

Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl.

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


3 posted 05-01-2003 09:07 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Wow!  This is a powerful poem that brought tears to my eyes.  That's hard to do to me, so you should give yourself a pat on the back!     

This is another library piece for me.  Keep writing like this and please do consider putting it into the book!

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


4 posted 05-03-2003 02:49 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

quote:
every time she visits that hill
it leads her down
by her throat and arm


That's the part that made me like this poem.  For the most part, Riley, I think you shunned a little of your usually imaginative style.  It's a very touching story, yes, but the phrasing of some of the lines isn't as creative as you usually are.

I still like this poem, Riley, but I've learned to have a high standard for your work... I'm just making a suggestion, of course, but I'd prefer to see you work your imagination into your writing more than you've done here.

  Great to read from you again, babe.  Hope all is well.

Parasite

God becomes as
we are that we
may be as he
is
~William Blake

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


5 posted 05-03-2003 07:16 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

Hey LP,
Stupid school project, . You know those always stunt the imagination ( i still can't spell ) .....ok well ttyl


luv ya

riley

Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl.

Riley will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Sanctuary >> Poetic Haven >> when she lost all her blood Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors